the end is near! head to the basement of Founders!

I did it! I blogged every day for an entire month! And it was a real month too, not like pussy February (I'm clearly not loyal to my birth month at all...). All 31 days and I spurted bullshit for each and every one of them.

I had actually planned to do a bit more in celebration, but I've been feeling lousy all day. I'm blaming the graduation party food. Too much richness! I even turned down a shopping trip this afternoon, that's how crappy I have felt. Anyway, you're all in luck because I happened to have a cracked-out dream last night, and I was smart enough to save it in a Word document this morning while I ate brekkie.

I had a dream that I was talking with this girl who I used to work with at Cosi about why this guy who is one of our mutual friends is apparently upset with me. We were walking and talking as we headed into a school, and then we got into a classroom. I think it may have been an English class. Anyway, there was this really gorgeous guy sitting next to me. But because I’m me, I pretended to not notice him, because come on, the gorgeous ones never notice me first. Well, this one did. He kept staring at me, and I was starting to think that there was something wrong, but I checked and made sure, and yes, I had put on all of my clothes, and they were properly fastened.  Then he started talking to me. I honestly don’t remember anything he said, except that he wanted me to try to drink blood. Yup. He was a vampire.

So we leave the school, and we go to this weird restaurant-type place and sit in a booth. Not only does he want me to drink blood, he wants me to drink HIS blood, and naturally, he wants to drink mine. Then somehow, two cupfuls of blood appear in front of us, so we both start to drink. He, of course, had no trouble drinking my blood, but I was a little hesitant. Finally, I got the balls to do it, and his blood tasted like red wine. Since we drank each other’s blood, now we’re bonded to each other for life. And since he drank my blood, now he can hear what I’m thinking (I know, I know… it’s pretty Twilight-y), but I gain nothing from drinking his blood, except that I feel especially clingy, but he doesn’t seem to mind, so it’s okay.

Now that we’re bonded to each other, he wants to have sex with me. So we leave the restaurant, and go out onto the street. Unlike Twilight, he loves to be in the sun, but he never tans. Unfortunately, I don’t see us having sex in my dream, but I know we do because oh yes, the vampire got me pregnant. And just like in Twilight, my pregnancy moves along very fast. I am ginormous within a couple of days of being pregnant. I don’t see myself giving birth, or even doing anything with the half-vampire baby, but I know that at some point, I gave birth because suddenly I am back to my normal size and people seem excited for me. At this point, the stupid thunderstorm woke me up before I could see my vampire baby.

Before anyone asks, I haven't seen or read the Twilight series in a long time, so I have no idea where this came from. However, I've decided that I really want the vampire character to come back on The Sims 3, like they had on The Sims 2. Guess what I spent almost my entire day doing...

Okay, so now that BlogMonth is officially over, I don't know how often I'll be posting. Chances are, it'll be pretty regular at first, now that I've gotten used to writing every day, but if I skip a day or five, don't send out the search dogs. And I would shocked if I have time to write at all when I'm on the Western Trip, which, by the way, is in TWO WEEKS! I can't even begin to explain how excited I am for this trip, especially since there's a decent chance that this year will be the only year I'll be able to do it, thanks to weddings next summer. *sadface* And when the Western Trip is over, I come home, go to Vicki's wedding, and that Wednesday, my family is flying to California for a week and a half! Hello, sunshine!

~ Christine

food coma!

Well, graduation weekend/hell has come and gone. Yesterday was quite possibly one of the longest and most tiring days of my life. I woke up at 6 and went to bed at about 12:30 AM, after getting about five hours of sleep the night before. Graduation day is like a marathon, even if you're not the one graduating. Admittedly, I could have ended my day at 8:30 or so, instead of almost 1 AM, but I felt like after having an entire day dedicated to my sister, I needed some time to have fun with my friends. So we went to see the movie Babies, and it was so worth it! Except, of course, now I really want a baby. I don't want a husband now, or anything permanent, I just want a baby. They're so cute! But I don't want to do the birthing part, or the newborn part where they don't sleep through the night. I really don't do well when I'm super tired.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, and I'm spending the rest of my evening relaxing and catching up on sleep. I've eaten entirely too much in the last 48 hours, so between that and the lack of sleep, I don't want to leave my bed for a long time.

~ Christine

bust out your caps and gowns, kiddies!

Hi. So today is crazy busy. First we have Katie's graduation, then Katie's graduation party, then tonight I'm going to go see the movie Babies (provided I know what time we're going) and I therefore don't have time to breathe or put any effort into writing, so I'm leaving you with this:

Congratulations to the Bishop Watterson High School Class of 2010!!

~ Christine

Steve Madden, you are a shoe-making god. Have babies with me?

If I need to break in new shoes, and I wear them when I'm sitting down, that counts, right? Right?

I'm escaping from the shopping/cleaning/swearing at our crappy desktop computer to blog for a few minutes of peace. It turns out that my mom worked on the slideshow while I ran errands this morning, and now it's done! Yay!

I really hate craft stores. For one thing, I am NOT a crafty person at all. Never have been, never will be. There is nothing artistic to me about going to the same damn chain store as everyone else and buying the same supplies to make the same wreath/religious knickknack/birdhouse as everyone else. That's not art. That's not even being creative. It's just like every other sad middle aged woman in this country. If you want to be artistic, you have to think a little bit more outside of the box. That said, there are some things that those stores are good for. Like buying paints. Or fabric markers. But you cannot go and buy the same thing that everyone else does and call yourself artistic. Also, the organizational skills in that store leave something to be desired. For one thing, I counted FIVE different places to buy adhesives. Why are there so many places to buy the same damn thing? And none of them were what I was looking for (which was magnets with sticky on one side so you could affix it to a piece of poster and then hang it on the refrigerator). You could buy adhesives at the register, in the general art supplies area, in the kids crafts area, in the drawing tools area (this one has me puzzled), and in the costume area. I just don't get those stores, and I probably never will.

Maybe if I sleep in these shoes tonight, they won't hurt like hell tomorrow.

I had a really weird dream last night where I was dreaming that Tony from NCIS was killed off in the season finale, but it was real life, not the show. Oh, and I was in love with him. Tony's grown on me a lot since I started watching the show almost a year ago (!), but he's still behind McGee and Gibbs in my favorite guys list. But I was really, REALLY upset that he was dead! The weirdest part is that in my dream, I woke myself up from my dream to get away from being sad about Tony dying, but it was still a dream. It's like when there's a movie about a movie. Verrrrry strange. And then when I woke up this morning, I couldn't remember what I dreamed about in my dream within a dream that made me so sad. Thankfully, I finally remembered a little bit ago. Freaky.

I made a Poor Life Choice. Two nights ago, I went to the Winking Lizard with some friends, and in addition to my drink, I had an order of spinach and artichoke dip as well. It was a beast that sexually abused me after it told me my boobs looked nice. It seemed all innocent and spinach-y at first, but then it made me feel awful about myself. I didn't need it, it was really greasy, and it was money I should not have spent, but it tasted soooo good, so I ate it, and then I ate the rest of it at dinner last night. Well, let me tell you, it has not been a good Friends With Benefits! It's been needy and demanding, and then it got really jealous. Let's just say that we will not be hooking up again anytime soon.

~ Christine

"Graduation" by Vitamin C is now a 10 year old song. FEEL OLD BITCHES!

My BlogMonth is almost over! It's weird, because I didn't think that so much would happen in one month, but May is always busy, so I guess that's dumb.

I should just keep an ongoing list of things that bother me... it seems like every day I find new things to hate on. I'm really not in a down mood, but there are a whole bunch of dumb people out there. I don't feel like processing actual thoughts, so I'm just going to make a list!

Christine's List of Things That Bother Her (in no particular order):
- People who don't use their turn signals.
- People who CONSTANTLY "forget" to put up an away message/say they're busy when they're busy or not at their computer.
- People who don't know how to drive down my street. Yes, it curves. No, you don't need to use your turn signal to draw attention to the fact that the road curves.
- People who won't listen to you when you're trying to tell them something and then expect you to bend over backwards to help them out.
- Ke$ha.
- The dollar sign in Ke$ha's name. Come on, there is no way that makes any sense at all, you idiot.
- People who are bad at estimating time. "Oh, that was just a few minutes ago!" when it was actually 3 hours earlier.
- People who insist that you haven't tried something when you say you don't like it. Trust me, I've been force fed green beans enough time in my life to know that they are nasty.
- People who think that they're funny when they're actually rude/mean/nasty/racist/sexist/genderist/ignorant.

That reminds me...

And now, a rant about Team Umizoomi!

For anyone who doesn't frequently hang out with preschoolers, Team Umizoomi is a show on Nick Jr. that focuses on building basic math skills and problem solving. Normally, I am all about those things, especially with little kids because let's face it, when it comes to math and science, America sucks. Anyway, here's a video of their opening, so you can get a feel for what it's like:




All in all, it's not a bad show. But there's a couple of things that bother me. First off, the little girl is the one who has the ability to change the design on her clothes to reflect other designs and patterns, like from going to polka dots to flowers. Why can't the little boy do that? Also, the little boy has a tool belt with shapes on it that he can use to build things that they need to solve whatever mission they're on. Why can't the little girl do that? The last thing that bothers me isn't quite as big as the first two, but it's still a teeny issue. The third character, that green robot thing, has what they call a "belly screen" that they use to watch videos of people who need their help. Besides the fact that this is a little weird, it's also making a teeny tiny crack at middle aged men. The robot is obviously older than the other two, and he's voiced by a middle aged man. So are they trying to insinuate that middle aged men have big bellies? He even sticks out his gut and wiggles it around when he's getting as message. Other than the gender/age issues, the show is halfway decent, and like I said before, we need better math skills in this country as a whole. I guess nothing's as perfect as Sesame Street.

Mmm.... I'm getting tired. It's been a long day of babysitting 1 year old twins. They were a lot of fun, but wow were they exhausting! I don't know how their parents do it all the time. Then I had to work more on Katie's slideshow for her graduation party. Holy crap, that thing is a beast! I've done the years 1995-2002, and my mom did 1992-1994. So far we're pushing 300 pictures, and you know that as time goes on, there's more pictures in each year, especially once we got digital cameras in my family! Guess what I'm working on tomorrow...

~ Christine

I REALLY should write things down more often...

I've had multiple good ideas for today's post throughout the day, usually while playing The Sims 3, or driving. But I've forgotten almost all of them, and I'm going out tonight with friends, so who knows when I'll be home. So this is all you're gonna get today... suck on that!

People tick me off sometimes. I know that people do that to everyone, but sometimes I feel like people tick me off more in particular than other people. (that's a lot of people in two sentences!) I don't know if it's the heat, or if it's stress, but I feel like I am not enjoying other people right now very much. I could be a happy little hermit if I had to. A hermit in an air-conditioned cave. I don't know why, but I've always pictured hermits as living in caves. Sometimes cute little houses in the forest, but usually they live in a cave.

Once again, I don't know where this is going. I failed to make an outline! Sorry, Mrs. Klueppel, I have failed you.

Peace, love, and screaming children!

~Christine

"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head." - Carol Burnett

So I have just about no time to write anything of importance today because it's my baby brother's 20th birthday, and I've been running around like a banshee with a fire crotch all day. That is, a banshee whose crotch is burning, as in on fire, not like with an STD, and not like they have red hair. What if you had red hair, an STD, and your crotch was on fire? Would you have a fire-fire-fire crotch?

My friend Phil had to remind me last night that I need to behave like a lady. I'm understanding what he means now.

Anywhoodles, I still have stuff to do before Mike's dinner tonight. So I'm giving you the gift of YouTube/song once again!

This song was a free download several months ago... it's completely fitting! My favorite line is "I'm getting drunk as a skunk and throwing up in the sink!" only because I did that at my friend Hilary's 21st birthday party. Someone cut in front of me in line for the bathroom, and it was either the sink or the floor. The sink always wins!



~ Christine

sha-la-la

Salut!

I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a bus. First, I was up past 2 AM last night, for a variety of reasons, but partially because my room felt like a pressure cooker. And since I had to drive Puggle to school this morning and then I cleaned my grandma's house, I was up at 7:30 this morning. Not good. Plus, my super fantastic workout from yesterday is now my super OWWWWWIE for today. My legs hurt, especially my knees, and my shoulders hurt where my angels wings should be... har har. And then I had to vacuum all three floors of my grandma's house, including her basement. Have you ever vacuumed concrete? I HAVE. Why? Because my aunt's dogs will care if the basement floor is clean before they go downstairs. Right.

It's amazing to me how quickly your own problems can become incredibly insignificant. It seems like whenever I'm all, "OMG EFF MY LIFEEEEEE! PPL SUUUUUUUCK!!! UGHHHHHH!!" then Life comes along and is like, "SUCK ON THIS! MWHAHAHAHA! A PLAGUE UPON YOUR HOUUUUUUUSE!" 

(I would like to take this opportunity to mention that the winds have shifted today, and since the Budweiser brewery is northeast of my house, I can now smell hops verrrrrrry well, and I have been able to since approximately 3:30 PM this afternoon).

I am Chandler Bing. When things get uncomfortable, I make inappropriate jokes. Don't believe me? See above.

I would also like to mention that thanks to a certain Facebook status by a certain bestie of mine, I am now TERRIFIED to watch last night's episode of Army Wives. I don't want to cryyyyyy!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Tomorrow is my brother's 20th birthday (Happy B-day Mikey!) so I will be having a celebratory dinner with my family and I will not be watching NCIS or Glee when they air. IF YOU TEXT ME AND SPOIL SOMETHING ABOUT EITHER SHOW BEFORE I WATCH IT, YOU CAN EXPECT TO BE TARRED AND FEATHERED WHILE CATHOLIC SCHOOLCHILDREN WILL BE FORCED TO WATCH (why? because I once was one of those clad in plaid pipsqueaks).

Yeah, I don't really know where this entry is going. Sorr about the bag. (+1,000,000 Cool Points to you if you know what that's from. And no, it's not a movie.)

~ Christine

proper hydration is the key to successful blogging

I don't feel good. I've been alternating all day between being very stressed out and very calm, and I think that in combination with the heat has finally made me ill. Really, I think I'm just very dehydrated, but I'm pretty sure that today's emotional rollercoaster caused part of that... like causing me to forget to drink water. Plus, I'm really tired this evening. I wasn't, until after dinner.

In other news, I have my workout regimen down to a T. I bike for 30 minutes on the "Random Hill" setting, then I have 2 minutes of cool down (forced upon me by the bike), and finally I row 2000 meters. I tried it today, and I think I like it. The rowing hurts my ankles a little bit when I'm all scrunched up (that's the technical term for it...) but it's a good hurt, and today was the first time I've rowed in a very long time, and it took me 13:06.6 to row that far, so it's not like it's a really long distance. Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to 5000 meters. I've gotten a lot faster on the bike too... I'm now biking as far as it took me to bike in 44 minutes back in the fall (about 11.5 miles, for anyone who cares). I'm still fat as a whale, but that's from lack of consistency. It seems like every time I start to get into an exercise routine, something comes along and gets in the way. Either a trip, or an injury, or a job... but I'm hoping to make the most of this time before the Western Trip in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of, I'm pretty bummed because I don't think I'll be able to do the Western Trip next summer. One of my friends from grade school/high school is getting married, and my cousin is getting married. Actually, they're getting married on the same day. What are the odds...

I had an epiphany last night. I realized that I had been really, really wrong. For anyone who doesn't know me well, this is a BIG deal. Ask anyone in my family, my friends, or any previous roommate of mine and they will tell you: I believe I am right. Always. So for me to realize that I was wrong ON MY OWN without being told by someone else, "Hey dumbass, you're wrong," is a huge step for me. And not only that, but I admitted that I was wrong to whom it mattered. Another very big step for me! This was two giant steps out on a very thin little tree branch, and it scared the hell out of me. Anyway, my big steps basically went unacknowledged, and I know I shouldn't make such a big deal over it, but it's me, so I am.

Yup. This is all you're getting for today because I feel like crap.

~ Christine

this one's has a healthy dose of snark in it...

Hola!

Happy Saturday! Actually, that's a bit of a lie, but just a little bit. Today was a decent day, until I went shopping. I hate shopping sometimes, and today was one of those times. First of all, the mall on a Saturday is a breeding ground for idiots that I just don't have the patience for AT ALL. So the stupid people annoyed me, plus I was clothes shopping for summer/the Western Trip, and that was just a stressful and traumatic experience. If it was socially acceptable for me to do so, I would be perfectly comfortable wearing old athletic shorts and t-shirts wherever I went, at least until I lose some weight. But it's not, so I had to buy clothes. Also, I bought a swimsuit for the first time in four years. Let me tell you, it's hard to find a one piece swimsuit that doesn't make you look like a middle aged woman from the early 90's. Do the fashion people just not update their one piece swimsuit repertoire EVER? There was gaudy colors, gaudy colors, and my personal favorite, the swim skirt. NO THANK YOU. Thankfully, I grabbed the one and only swimsuit that didn't look completely horrible, tried it on, and it fit as well as a swimsuit will fit someone who wishes she could have as many plastic surgeries as Heidi Montag.

After that lovely experience, my morale for the day was basically shot. Mass pissed me off today to. If your child can't shut the hell up, then take them out, or put them in a cage. I don't really give a damn, but don't cause more noise! Also, I realize that the evening Mass is supposed to be modern music or whatever, but it SUCKS. If you're going to have two flutes playing together, TUNE THEM.

Oh, and on my day of complete and awful horribleness that was Thursday, I apparently stressed myself out so much that I chomped down on my tongue multiple times without realizing it. So now I have lots of little cuts all over my tongue. Do you know what's painful to eat/drink when you have cuts on your tongue? Communion, Chips Ahoy cookies, spaghetti (it's really the sauce that got me), chicken sandwiches, pickles, orange juice, pizza, breadsticks, basically anything with salt, flavor, or anything that's slightly crunchy. So now I'm on a regimen of frequent rinsing my mouth with mouthwash, and it seems to be helping a little. This was not the best time for this. Although I supposed the Western trip would be worse, this sucks too. But I have graduation foods to be eating in the upcoming week! Mmmm... I love graduation cake! And since Mike's birthday is Tuesday, we are going to be having cake coming out of our ying yangs. All in all, we have 2 1/4 sheet cakes coming into our house in the next week. Marie Antoinette would have a field day.

Dammit, I'm hungry now. Anyway, I spent part of last night and a little bit this evening researching songs from The Sims 3. DO NOT JUDGE ME. If you're unfamiliar with the game, your little Simmies can have radios, and in TS3 they can even have a favorite genre of music (I usually pick electronic or indie). In the options for the game, you can listen to samples of the music that your Sims listen to (in Simlish, which is their made-up language). As it turns out, a lot of the music they use is by real musical artists who are usually up and comers, and they have English (or in Nelly Furtado's case, Spanish) versions of their songs that are included in the game. So I bought a bunch of them on iTunes. There's also 7 songs that come with the game in the "Custom Music" station, and they're already in English. There's a way to extract those songs out for free (I forget how), but the other ones you can't. Anyway, this is the playlist I've created:

I know it sounds weird, but it's actually a really good mix of music. Obviously, not everything from the game is available to buy, and there were a couple of things in the pop genre that I didn't want to waste my money on, but I really like everything I bought. So yay for new music!

I have a special treat for all of you today... a double dose of NAUGHTY HAIKU! I didn't feel like taking a picture of my filing cabinet, so I used the virtual poetry maker on magneticpoetry.com instead. Voila!

I can't decide which one I like more... it's like choosing your favorite child (pick me, Mom!). So you tell me, which NAUGHTY HAIKU you like more!

Fin.

~Christine

I blame the rain for this one...

Today has just been random, so that's how this entry is going to go: randomly.

- I have burned my tongue somehow in the last 24 hours or so. I don't remember burning it, or possibly biting it very hard, but since after dinner last night, it's felt funny. Like how when you burn your tongue on a hot drink, there's that weird smooth spot where you've burned off some taste buds. It's not a good feeling, and it hurts. I blame the chicken... mostly because I have nothing else to blame.

- I worked out this morning for the first time since I started my now old job. It felt GOOD. First of all, I woke up very angry this morning because I realized that all of the apologetic feelings I had yesterday are complete bullshit. So what did I do? I biked my ass off, figuratively and hopefully literally. I love biking when I'm really pissed off at the world. Almost as much as I love blasting Linkin Park on my car stereo when it's sunny AND I'm pissed off at the world.

- Speaking of la voiture, the nice people at Firestone called this afternoon with good news! They were able to fix my car by giving me an oil change and using a heavier oil (a 10 something versus a 5 something) and that was enough to not trip the low oil pressure detector thing in my car. Apparently even with the old oil in, it wasn't actually low enough to cause problems, but it was lower. So they gave me the oil change for free since it was related to a previous problem they had supposedly fixed, and then they noticed that I needed new wiper blades, so they installed a new pair. All in all, I got a repaired car, an oil change, and new wiper blades for $32! It was a very good day. Now I just need to get the paint chip issue fixed.

- I felt like purging again today, so I uninstalled all of my The Sims 3 games and custom content and then reinstalled the game. Now I have no saved families, no custom content, and I freed up a lot of space on my hard drive. It's hard once you install custom content to tell if it's something you're going to really use a lot or not. And even then, it's almost impossible to go back and find the correct files if it's something you don't want. I've had the game for almost a year, so I thought it was a good time for this.

- I miss last summer in a very weird way. I hated the last bit of it, but in a lot of ways, I liked it. I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted (unless I had class or work). But I didn't have to say where I was going or for how long. And I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. I miss my green tea and my Diet V8 Splash! And my multigrain bread! Mmmm... tasty!

- I am a human emotional yo-yo. Part of me is like this: "FIND A GOOD MAN. FALL IN LOVE. GET MARRIED. MAKE BABIES. RAISE CHILDREN. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."

And the other part of me is like this: "GET YOUR MASTER'S. MOVE TO D.C. BECOME AN AWESOME LIBRARIAN IN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. FIND A GOOD MAN WHO ISN'T INTIMIDATED BY YOUR OBVIOUS INTELLECTUAL PROWESS. IGNORE HIM FOR YOUR JOB. MAKE HIM FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU IGNORED HIM. GET MARRIED. KEEP WORKING. HAVE ONE CHILD WHEN YOU'RE APPROACHING 40. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."

I know, obviously one of these sounds more fun than the other. But I have a very strong maternal instinct, and although I love learning and being viewed as an intelligent human being, I want to be a mom, and I want to be a mom at a young enough age to have the energy to deal with kids. I wish that I could do everything, or that I could hit a pause button on the progression of time so that I wouldn't have to stress over not being able to do everything. I am all about equality, but this is just one of those things that guys will never have to deal with, and I hate them for that. I hate that if I want to find a husband, I have to do it when I'm young and pretty, because no one wants an older woman. Cougar material I am not. But guys can wait until they're 40 because even then they'll still be able to snag some ho-bag of a 22 year-old coed. It's horribly unfair.

Unfortunately, since I have no man at my side, my decision's been made for me. It just scares me that there are gorgeous, intelligent, young women who aren't much older than me who aren't even dating, let alone finding the man of their dreams. What if I never get married? Scoff if you want, but I don't want to die alone. I know I have my "My Best Friend's Wedding" pact with Phil, but marrying your gay best friend is very different than marrying your best friend who you love. I want the latter. I keep trying to force myself into a situation where I date someone and then I try to make them my best friend, but it doesn't work that way. You're supposed to want to be around that person the majority of the time. Where is my person?

~Christine

you think the BBC is trying to embarrass you with sex scenes?

I made a giant, colossal, huge mess of things. It's not entirely my fault, because I truly felt like I was doing the right thing, except that I was mistaken (again) and I made things worse instead of preventing something awful from happening. I don't know what else to do, except continue to apologize, and I hate not being able to do anything. So now, I'm just laying low. It has been a very long and emotionally draining day, and I have suspicions that my bad mood has been rubbing off on the people around me.

Anyway, my previous job ended on Tuesday. I kind of miss it, even though I spent most of the time wanting it to be over. It really was nice to feel like a productive person and have something to do for 8 hours of the day. Plus, I wasn't obligated to ruin my weekends with babysitting jobs. Not that I don't mind babysitting, but it was nice to have a regular work schedule.

I tried bubble tea for the first time last night! I had no idea what to expect... turns out it's just a smoothie with tapioca pearls in it. The smoothie part was fantastic. The tapioca... well, I made some interesting faces the first few times I encountered a pearl. But eventually I got used to it. It's definitely something I'll be having again.

Gertie's in the shop again. I'm hopeful that this won't be too hard or expensive to fix. My check oil light problem is still happening, and the guy at Firestone told me that they had just fixed another Chrysler with the same problem and what they did for that guy worked well. But if it's not fixed, then I'll need to take it to a dealership to have them flush the engine. And if that doesn't work, well, let's just hope that it gets fixed. I love my car, even though she's caused me a lot of trouble in the last 7 months. But she's still my baby!

Okay, this was a stretch for me to do tonight... I'm going to go back to watching Coupling for hours on end.

~Christine

whatever!

I have had yet another really busy day! But that doesn't mean that I don't love you all, my happy little reader people! This is all that I have for you today:




Love and whatever!

~Christine

you always tell me perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

I would like to confess something. I have recently made a series of poor life choices (aka PLCs) that involve me getting less than 5 hours of sleep last night and feeling awful all day. I have now been awake for 16 hours. 4.5 hours of sleep/16 hours of being awake = about 17 minutes of being asleep per hour of being awake. So basically, I don't know how I'm functioning as a human being right now. Now I'm going to watch Coupling while I fall asleep because tomorrow is going to be just as busy as today was.

Random thought: It really bothers me when people in Columbus pronounce "Morse Rd." as "Morris Rd."

~Christine

this story is wack!

Allo!

So I used to write a lot of fanfiction, back in my heyday (or last fall). And even though I miss it, I just haven't felt like writing it recently. I don't know why; it's like why I've only been able to finish one book since my Nana died: there is no rhyme or reason!

Anywhoodles, I've decided to reinstate my status as a fiction writer and write a short story for today's entry. Also, my life has been boring for the last 24 hours, and I'm not going to gossip about my co-workers until my job ends tomorrow.

And now, for your reading pleasure/terror:

Spanky Ice: The Living Legend of Crumbottom Hollow


Once upon a time in a land underneath your refrigerator known as Crumbottom Hollow, there was a little ice cube named Spanky Ice. He was a happy little ice cube, always cold and frozen to just the right negative (in Celsius) temperature. One day, the freezer door opened up, and out fell all of the other ice cubes, except Spanky Ice! So what did the old Spankster do? He enlisted the help of the Frozen Chicken Patty Army to formulate a rescue plan! They linked the patties together to form a Chicken Patty Staircase (now available at McDonald's!) so that Spanky Ice could climb up and down to carry each of his fallen comrades to safety inside the freezer. Finally, the last of the ice cubes had been saved, and peace was restored to Crumbottom Hollow once again!

I apologize if you read that whole thing... I really don't know what's wrong with my brain!

~Christine

Some things I cannot change, but until I try, I'll never know!

Okay, so NOW I can tell you all why I didn't have a long entry yesterday! My former roommate, Hannah, celebrated her birthday today, and her husband, Alex, threw her a surprise party at their apartment in Cleveland. Since I've been having issues with my car (and really, what fun is it to drive 2 hours one way by yourself?) my friend Phil drove me up there, and I mistakenly thought he was coming to get me later. Whoops. So I spat out a teeny little entry, and now that I'm home and sober, I can write more.

First things first! I know it's been awhile, but my NAUGHTY HAIKU muse has spoken to me again, so I have a brand-spankin' (tee hee) poem for your reading pleasure today!

I was inspired by dirty hippies having sex in a sleeping bag at Woodstock.

After much deliberation, I have decided to re-activate my online dating profile. I had deactivated, and then reactivated, and basically I've been a yo-yo about the whole thing. Even if I don't meet anyone worthwhile, it's nice to get some attention. Yeah, I'm narcissistic, I know. But it's the truth! I read an article on one of my favorite websites, The Frisky, the other day called "Why Women On Dating Sites Don't Respond To Men" that basically confirmed what I've always suspected. Online dating is truly a woman's advantage. For whatever reason, we get much more attention than the guys do. So for me, this is perfect. I get lots of attention, and maybe once in awhile I'll get attention from someone I actually could be interested in. As opposed to real life where I give attention to guys who don't want it and guys who I don't want to give attention to me do.

I've been thinking a lot lately about filters. For one, I sometimes don't have one. As several of my closer friends will confirm, I will share just about anything, even sometimes if it's not entirely appropriate to do so. But at the same time, there are cases where my filter goes into overdrive and I say too little. It's a weird blend. I'm trying to adopt a policy where if you believe something, you have to say it. It's a lot scarier than it sounds. Somehow we've all become hardwired to be offended when people tell you the truth. If it's the truth, then what's wrong with it? If you spend any time talking to toddlers or especially preschoolers, they will tell it like it is! They haven't been told yet that sometimes you shouldn't tell people things. Like that Mommy said that Mother's Day was the worst day of her life (true story: my sister told another mom of a kid in her first grade class that once! Thankfully, the other mom didn't bring it up to my mom until Katie was in 8th grade). I'm not saying that you should go around harassing people and calling them fat and ugly, but we do have freedom of speech for a reason people!

~Christine

I'M SO BAD AT TIME MANAGEMENT

A million and twelve apologies, but my afternoon has completely gotten away from me and I have absolutely no time to blog more. BUT I LOVE YOU ALL MUCKS MUCKS MUCKS!

~Christine

there's no such thing as a shameless plug

Hi! I bet you all thought I wasn't gonna make my daily post for today. Or you don't give a damn. In that case, I say *pounds fist together, Gellar style*!

Anywhoodles, today I have discovered amazingness and less-than-amazingness. We'll start with the latter.

Back when I was a wee lass of 22, I made a voyage to the maiden land: Disney World. On this trip, one BFF of mine by the name of Jackie, had a snack treat with her that I had been intrigued by once before, but never actually consumed. Yes, I am talking about Snyder's Hot Buffalo Wing flavored pretzel bites. These pretzels make me do things and go places that I have only experienced while eating Chipotle and taking a really long nap. In the words of Ashlee Simpson, "You (it) make(s) me wanna la-la in the kitchen, on the floor." That's how amazing these pretzels are.

You know how some people have a weird uncle? Well, I have eaten the weird uncle of the buffalo wing pretzel, and I didn't enjoy it. Meet Snyder's Buttermilk Ranch flavored pretzel bites! I LOVE dipping regular pretzels into ranch dressing, so I bought these with the high hopes of finding yet another delectable treat, but I was sorely mistaken. To put it bluntly, they taste like the soap that would be shat out of an evil and sinister man on the Hidden Valley Ranch. So I am very saddened, and I recommend that if you are given the choice, ALWAYS PICK THE BUFFALO.

Onto my second discovery! This evening, I was shopping at Polaris with the same BFF by the name of Jackie, and now buffalo fame, and we stumbled upon a brand new store! It's called Charming Charlie, and charming doesn't even begin to cover it, but I don't think that naming a store "Fucking Awesome Store of Accessories and Pretty Colors" is a good marketing plan. The store is HUGE and everything is organized by color! Right now, the only location in Ohio is at Polaris, but their website lists lots of stores that are opening in the next 3 months, so I wouldn't be surprised if another location opened up in Ohio soon. So here is their website (again): http://www.charmingcharlie.com/ and if you're in Columbus, go to the store ASAP! And if you're not in Columbus, come sleep on my parent's couch and we'll go there together! We have color days at work (our scoring room has a lot of former teachers in it) and Monday's color is yellow. I don't own a single yellow thing in my wardrobe, aside from my high school graduation gown, so finding Charming Charlie was like an oasis in a sea of... nothing yellow to wear. So for my color day, here is what I bought:

Super cute, and cheap too! When we got to the store, the girl who greeted us said that nothing was more than $150, but we didn't see anything more than $40. These little beauties were $7.97! AND I found the type of eyeglass holder that I was looking for before the Eastern Trip, but I'm running out of time so I don't want to take a picture of it. But you should just know that this store is beautiful. If I knew ahead of time that their website doesn't have pictures of inside of their stores, I would have taken a picture, just so you could see the awesomeness!

Okay, I need to publish this before midnight...

Get on up, get on up, dance on the ceiling!

~Christine

st-st-st-stop talkin' that blah, blah, blah

I'm starting to feel like I'm living my life by running in a hamster wheel. It's getting to be ridiculous when it comes to repeat patterns that I'm falling into. It's hard to explain, but I'm basically the same person I've been my entire life, and I don't really like that. I kinda thought that by the time I was 23, I would have a better sense of who I am and be a more interesting person, but I don't, and I'm not.

Thankfully, my job is almost done. We're so far ahead of schedule now that they're giving us tomorrow off! I don't know what I'm going to do with my free time, though. I need to call Kent State to figure out why I haven't gotten a financial aid packet yet. But that's not fun.

I'm absolutely exhausted. I slept horribly last night, and it was one of those days where the children in state XYZ were just being so damn boring with their test questions. Honestly, if it wasn't for the coffee, I wouldn't have made it through the day. Nevertheless, I am going out tonight because dammit, I can!

Okay kids, I have a new mission: I need to find something good to read. So I'm taking suggestions. Preferably ones that are available at the library. Sooooo... lemme have it!

Keep holdin' on!

~Christine

I-ay eel-fay ike-lay a-ay ool-fay.

I-ay on't-day eel-fay ike-lay iting-wray an-ay actual-ay ost-pay oday-tay, o-say I'm-ay iting-wray in-ay ig-pay atin-lay. Ew-scray en-may. Ew-scray obs-jay. Ew-scray e-thay orld-way.

~Istine-chray

take a peek inside my brain while I'm watching NCIS!

On today's very special edition of FoHB, I have a long overdue treat: NCIS Stream of Consciousness Edition!

WARNING: If you haven't seen tonight's episode "Borderland", just don't even read this blog. You've now been adequately warned. Shoo!


*Phoof*

- Awww, little kid in a hardhat!
- OMG best birthday everrrrr!
- This doesn't bode well... "Don't tell your mother!"
- Cars don't bleed... silly!!
- Ziver... study hard!
- I wish Tony was really on Chatroulette!!
- "The longest I've gone is 10 seconds"... that's what she said!
- Awww, poor Tony.
- Finger puppets? Try harder.
- I love it when Gibbs interacts with children!
- EW. WHERE THE FUCK ARE HIS FEET?
- If I ever marry a man with the last name Marshall, I want to name our daughter Court(ney).
- That looks kinda like Denise's new bike on Army Wives!
- Nervous Abby, chill the hell out.
- Of COURSE he was wearing a state of the art runner's watch with GPS!
- OMG OMG OMG MINI CAF-POW IS SO CUTE!
- See, Abbs? He has your back. DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE THE SHOW!!
- Ohhhh Palmer... you're so inappropriate.
- Hahaha... Ducky: "Yabba dabba doo!"
- Seriously, I want this guy to have feet.
- Creepy looking welt.
- Awww, Abby breaks a lot of rules with good reasons!
- Soooo you're going with McGee!
- YAAAAAAAY MCGEE!
- Go into the truck...
- I bet that Abby would last hours on Chatroulette, DiNOTzo!
- OH HOLY FUCKING FUCK THOSE ARE FEET HANGING FROM MEAT HOOKS!
- MEXICO! AYE AYE AYE!
- McGee, if you were less of a party pooper, you could probably spend more time in Abby's miniskirt.
- Seriously McGee, bitching and whining your way through Mexico isn't the way to win over Abby.
- Hehehehe, Agent McGoo!
- Yes, stay together! Make McAbby babies!!
- Really Ducky, why can't you and Palmer removed the feet from the meat hooks faster.
- This is completely sick.
- This is almost as bad as the serial killer with the tongue fetish.
- Awesome. McGee is going to have crazy diarrhea during Abby's class.
- BITCH. I hate Natalia.
- Go Abby! Show her who's in charge and not ovulating!!
- Oh this is so Gibb's revenge murder case.
- Tee hee. DiNozzo and Ziva in the biker bar... they stick out just a tad.
- I think that woman has a penis.
- Aaaaaand I suspect the penis woman from the bar.
- Maybe not. Damn.
- Okay, so she's kinda helpful.
- I love Abby's black lace parasol. Even though the first time we saw it was at Kate's funeral. I wonder where they got it.
- Oh hell.
- Defend them, McGee!
- Abby, you have a big mouth.
- Oh McGee, you're so sweet!
- I bet she's an agent.
- Nope, she's a drug cartel. My observation skills are sucking.
- I bet Pedro's her brother or something.
- AAAAAAND that sniper was Gibbs.
- That. Was. Weird.
- Toe cheese? Really, Palmer?
- All those feet really gross me out.
- They were all already dead except one? I smell a copycat killer!
- YESSSS! They have one bed!
- I want Abby's pajamas.
- HAHAHAHA they just figured out Tony and Ziva!
- McGee is hot...
- That wasn't even funny McGee! And now you're never getting any from Abby ever again.
- McGee, you suck at being in Mexico.
- Ziva hit the nail on the head. Tony is pathetic.
- That is the BEST alarm clock I've ever seen!
- Oh noes... Abby's onto something.
- She knows.
- Of course you did, sketchy man.
- Yup. Don't trust you either.
- Yes you do too know!
- A body that's been buried for over 20 years? Nasty...
- This is bad.
- I like Abby's finger tattoo!
- (Commercial break: Hetty/Grandmother Willow can't resign from NCIS: LA!!)
- Wait... they're back already? Where was the sexytime?
- McGee, you look like hell. And I mean that in the best way possible.
- Haha, Tony, you're evil.
- Ducky's hair looks browner than usual.
- Yes, Gibbs, that's who you shot.
- This is freaky.
- It's like that little slug has come full circle!
- Yeah, that doesn't look like a tissue sample to me either.
- McGee knows things!
- HAHAHAHA, McGee, you've just earned 25 awesome points!
- Oh, it's the penis woman again.
- HA! I knew I shouldn't trust her.
- Ooooooh she's got a devil ring!
- Well, this is basically a done deal, but there's still time left in the show.
- What is Abby doing at Gibbs' house? This never happens!
- Disenchanted Abby... she seems more realistic now.
- Is rule 40 a new one?
- Abby, you never make mistakes.
- SEE? Abby is like a daughter to Gibbs! Take that, Gabby shippers!
- OH MY GOD THAT'S WHERE IT ENDS?!?!?
- I swear to Beejeezus, if you don't tell her that you'll love her unconditionally, I will kick your Marine ass, Gibbs!
- (Next week: Ooooh, this looks good! I like the Gibbs on horseback ensemble!)

Alright kids, it's time for me to... sorry, I got distracted by the beginning of NCIS: LA.

~Christine

I'm a bad, bad girl!

I took some quality time tonight and I reread my most recent posts, and I realized that I've been seriously slacking. It's been almost a week since a NAUGHTY HAIKU and since then I've had several entries begging for your forgiveness(es?). With the exception of the crack dream post, they've all been short, and lacking, and slacking too. Even in the crack dream post I promised a real entry later that day and did it happen? No. Therefore, I am failing, even though I'm doing a good job with daily blogging. I've let my quality slack. So I'm going to apologize to all of you all in the only way that I know how: with a song!




In other news, my dearest, darlingest litttle sister shared a modern day monstrosity with me: Miley Cyrus' latest music video. Let's just say that she's one bird I wouldn't want to meet on Sesame Street!



Actually, if you ignore the fact that this GIRL is still 17 years old and that the song is completely terrible because it's being sung by Miley Cyrus, it's not a half bad concept, except that she stole it from Britney Spears. Let's all look back and fondly remember "Overprotected":



I don't agree that being an adult is equal to wearing practically nothing and whining about how you want to be treated like an adult, but at least Britney was 21 when she released that video and not 17! And even still it's not even close to the level of whore that Miley reached in her video. Also, aside from Alfred Hitchcock, birds aren't known for being vicious or terrifying creatures. Why didn't she pick something awesome, like a tiger? I bet Roy of Sigfried and Roy would crap his pants if she came out acting like a psychotic tiger!

*mucks* Love you all!

~Christine

mommalicious

In honor of Mother's Day (and the fact that I got less than 5 hours of sleep last night), I am dedicating today's post entirely to a list of the best songs about mothers!

Christine's Favorite Songs About Mothers:


1. "Mama" - Spice Girls

2. "Your Mother Should Know" - The Beatles

3. "1985" - Bowling For Soup

4. "The Perfect Fan" - Backstreet Boys

5. "Stacy's Mom" - Fountains of Wayne

I wanted to embed the videos, but I know that at least the Spice Girls one you can't, and I'm an all or nothing person.

Happy Mother's Day!

~Christine

I'm hungry and I'm on the run from the French police!

This isn't my actual entry for today, but I just woke up and I HAD to write this down before I forget!

So I had this dream where we were celebrating some big family meal at my Nana and Papa's house, and my Papa came back from the dead. He had died, and he didn't want us to celebrate without him, so he resurrected himself on a day pass. Their basement was different though. They had done some serious remodeling and the basement had a bar, a game room, HUUUGE bathrooms with a spa, and the oddest thing of all: a stage and a band room. (I think this may have been attributed to being in part of the new addition at Watterson yesterday).

It's almost time to go, but I've been too busy exploring to eat anything, so I fix a plate of food to take home, and my Mom fixes me a salad. My Papa sees this, and he gets PISSED (he's a ghost, he can't eat anything) and steal the roll off of my plate, and the chicken off of my salad and throws them away. So now I just have a plate with some corn on it, but I also wanted some macaroni and cheese (which looks suspiciously like the mac & cheese from KFC, which we also talked about yesterday), so I go off hunting around for it.

As I explore the upstairs part of the house, it's almost like no one died and we haven't been moving furniture out. Somehow we got basically everything back, but my Papa is upset because it looks different from when he lived there, which is also contributing to his anger over my doggy bag. We say our goodbyes, and I leave and go to the airport.

I get to the airport where Jackie and Dustin are waiting for me. Apparently we're flying to Paris for Dustin's 21st birthday. So we get on the plane, but they aren't sitting near me. Instead I'm sitting next to some middle aged woman who makes fun of me because I struggled with the seat belt. It was one of those confusing contraptions with a shoulder thing on both shoulders and a lap thing, like what they use on high chairs. Finally, we get buckled and we're off, but we're not flying. We're driving, and in front of us is the bus that we used for the American Music Abroad tour in 2005, the Christophorus Reisen! Also, there's a very large ship of some sort that starts to follow us as we drive to Paris.

Finally, we arrive at our hotel and it is SWANKY! Brenda is meeting up with us there, and we are on the 9th floor. To go out clubbing, you have to register at the concierge desk, and you need a ticket (which looked suspiciously like the one from West Side Story last night), your driver's license, a cell phone, and proof that you're staying in the hotel. Well, I had all of those things but the driver's license and my camera. I'm not entirely sure what I brought with me, haha. So Dustin volunteers to go back up to our room to get my stuff with me, but even though we hit the button for the ninth floor, we end up in some famous Frenchwoman's apartment. So we freak out and run back to the elevator, and then we get my stuff and head back to the first floor.

While we're in the elevator, Dustin turns to me and starts making out with me. Like hardcore, horizontal bodies, make out. Of course, there's some snotty French woman also in the elevator and she is judging us like crazy. When we're done making out, Dustin looks at me and says, "Wow, I never thought I'd do that with you!" And I think the same thing, but I don't get to say because the French lady goes, "You do realize he's gay, right?" And Dustin FREAKS OUT because apparently in my dream he's not out, and in France if you say someone is gay, it gets put on the news. So now he's pissed off at the French lady. Thankfully, we're back on the first floor by this time, and so we go to register to go clubbing.

Jackie, Brenda, and Dustin have no problems. However, when I pull out my ID, someone has traded it for a fake, and the picture looks like Carmen Sandiego, all animated and stuff like she was on the TV show! Naturally, the girl working the desk is now suspicious of me. But instead of telling her what happened (she was French and kind of pissy) I let her think that that is my real ID. So then she starts asking me all these questions, like what my French nickname is. I panic and give her my French name from high school, Christelle. Then she looks at me like she wants a last name too, so I say "Marmalade" in a French accent. Then she asks me where I was born. I forget that other parts on the ID are probably fake too, so I say Columbus, Ohio, and she looks at my ID and sees that it says somewhere in Alabama (I forget the name of the town, it wasn't one I had heard of before). So then she rolls her eyes and says to go have fun, but be careful. As we're walking away from the desk, I get a text message on my phone, and the name just says "Officer". The message was something along the lines of, "Okay, we'll get to her later. Good job." I think that the lady at the desk sent out an alert to the French police to tell them that there was someone in their country who isn't who they say they are, and they sent the message back to the wrong number. But now they have my phone number, and they can track me. So I turn to Jackie, Dustin, and Brenda, and I tell them what's happening and that I need to get to the US Embassy as soon as I can to get this whole mess straightened out.

And then I woke up.

Sigmund Freud would have a field day with my brain.

~Christine

bring it on, thunderstorm!

I love rain. I love thunderstorms too, as long as I'm not walking around Washington D.C. in the rain and picking up strange foot diseases. What I don't love is the giant sized headaches that I've started getting before storms. Screw you, atmospheric pressure! (Or is it barometric?)

So I'm really tired. I love Fridays, but they need to be more relaxing. Last Friday was good. Work ended, I had dinner, and that was it. But this business of coming home from work, eating dinner, washing my hair, picking up Grandma, going to the musical, dropping Grandma off again after the musical, and coming home was all a bit much. I haven't had a night of nothing-ness since Monday, and I think that's what contributing to my woe here. Tuesday I had my hike to go vote, Wednesday was Cinco de Mayo, and yesterday I took my Grandma shopping. I'm REALLY looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, more than last week!

The rain stopped. What the hell?

Ugh, I'm too exhausted to write more. I totally understand why Meg McBlogger gives herself the weekends off from blogging! I PROMISE I'll have a big post tomorrow! (tee hee, dirty!)

~Christine

this isn't exciting, I promise

I know, I know, I'm lame. But I have good reason for posting a half-assed post today: I went shopping with my Grandma tonight. Now don't get me wrong, I love my Grandma dearly, but shopping with her is an experience that I don't particularly handle well. Usually it ends with me in tears and my Grandma utterly confused about young folk. As a joke today, I told her that I sold my graduation present on the black market for drug money. She didn't laugh, but she wasn't upset either. I think I confused her.

Soooooo, sorry kids, but this is all you get today. I hope yesterday's very entertaining post makes up for this wet blanket of a post. *HUGS AND KISSES!!!!*

~Christine

is there anybody going to listen to my story?

*in Ross Gellar voice* ... Hi.

It's been one of those days where I'm just in a funk. Even though it's Cinco de Mayo, which is loosely translated as "Pretend to give a shit about a Mexican holiday and drink margaritas!" Which is precisely why I am struggling a bit to  write this. But I love all of y'all and I WILL PERSEVERE DAMMIT! I'm not about to let some Jose Cuervo mess up my plan to blog every day!!

Back to my funk. I hate work. I woke up in a weird mood because of a frightenly realistic dream and that's had me in a bad mood all day. I've been irritable and distracted and it's like PMS but not. I want my job to just be over. I'm working as fast as I can to try to get through this project and NO. WE HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION TO GRADE AFTER THIS ONE. I'm tired of freezing for nothing. Maybe once I get a paycheck I'll feel a little better. I'm really picky about where I work. Kind of a problem.

Today has basically been like "The One Where Ross is Fine" (which is my all-time favorite episode of Friends, BEE TEE DUBS except for maybe the whole section of episodes where Monica and Chandler start doing the nasty and theyre hiding it from every one). ANYWAY... I'm fine, I had margaritas, but not fajitas. I did have a tasty quesdilla.

I'm tired and I have to go battle a zit from propping my head up with my hand al day work. Yes, Seventeen magazine, you're right. I should have listening to you more. Bitch. So far this job has made me zitty, fatty, cold, and cranky. LOSE LOSE SITUATION RIGHT THERE.

Oh right, I was going to post the NAUGHTY HAIKU.

Yup, Im back in all my NAUGHTIness.

Oh, here's a pretty picture of Puggle in her dress that I may have promised a few days ago. I don't remember. I made it all color splotty or whatever the eff that technique is called...

She got all the pretty genes in the family. I'm not even kidding. Sometimes in my mind I refer to Puggle as Christine 2.0. Then again, I bet even Beyoncé would look like a dog next to her sister before her prom. It's a fact of life that when you take pictures with someone before a formal and you're not dressed formally, you look like a homeless man living under a bridge.

Right. Off to wage war with my face.

~Christine

just hook me back up to that I.V., Doctor!

I'm baaaaaaack on Facebook!

It's SO nice to be able to creep on people again. Although, if there's one thing that I've learned from my hiatus, it's that there are lots of other things on the interwebs to occupy my time. Also, if you want to abstain from something that sucks up your time, the week you start a full time job is a good week to do it! I'm going to be perfectly honest and admit that if I was babysitting last week, I wouldn't have survived. Nevertheless, I'm back, and now no one's pissed at me, haha.

This is another anniversary for me! Today's post is my 100th post on FoHB! I know that I've technically had this blog for two calendar years, but if you look at my posting history thing over thattaway *points to the right hand side of screen* you'll notice that I haven't exactly been Ms. Reliable. I'm like a 1988 Ford Tempo (side note: up until a couple of years ago, my Grandma owned one of those life-endangering devices). I feel like we should all have a celebratory cake or something, but instead I'm eating cookies. But I do have more exciting news! At some point, Blogger changed the posting composer thingy and now it's WAY easier to add pictures to my blogs! I used to have to insert pictures and then cut all of the text, and re-paste it above the picture. And if I felt bold and posted a YouTube video in the same entry as a picture, WELL HOLD THE BANANA PHONE! So yes, formatting used to be a bitch, and now it's much easier, or so Blogger tells me. I'll let you know after I publish this entry.

I know I've bitched about work several times recently, and that I should just be thankful that I have a job, even though it's temporary, blah, blah, blah (I hate that Ke$ha ruined that phrase for me. Stupid bitch). However, even my team leader has picked up on the fact that I AM BORED AS I DON'T EVEN KNOW THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO COMPARE MY LEVEL OF BOREDOM TO. She commented to me TWICE today that I looked pained/dead/bored/like a human popsicle (add 'popsicle' to the list of words that Google Chrome doesn't know. What the hell, Google? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY WEB BROWSING MIRACLE WORKER!). Yes, I work in a windowless frozen tundra. Even our coffee guy/general jack-of-all-trades person tried to fix our thermostat today, and while it got better, it's still close to 60 degrees in our room at all times.  So while I'm sitting there, freezing my tuckus off for some snot nosed child in state XYZ (I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post online what state I'm scoring, LOLZ), I am also so bored with the question that with more than 45 minutes to spare today, I beat my personal goal of scoring 1,000 papers in a day. At 3:45, my team leader informed me that I scored 1,039. And I work until 4:30. Although, at one point after that, I scored all of the available papers because I go so fast since I'm bored and our question is really really REALLY easy. So I guess for about 7 minutes or so, I didn't have anything to do. Don't ask me why The Dealer (who in my mind, I picture to be someone like Drell from Sabrina the Teenage Witch) just doesn't learn that there are certain employees who kick other employees butts when it comes to speed and give the faster employees more papers to grade at once, but The Dealer doesn't, and then I work on my People magazine crossword puzzle. And not to toot my own flute or anything, but I also kick ass at accuracy too. Apparently the people in state XYZ randomly insert test papers into the bunches we're scoring to see if we're following their benchmarks or whatever, and my team leader also informed me this afternoon that I'm scoring at a 95% accuracy rate, which is the highest in my team of 9. Toot toot! So at least I'm good at the job that kills me with boredom...

Wow, that was a colossal paragraph about work. I'm sorry. I will be positive and say that if we continue to score at the rate that we're scoring at now, we'll be done by next Tuesday at the absolute latest. And of course, the more you score, the faster you get at it. I'm hoping we'll be done this week... but we'll see.

Alright, I was going to be awesome and post a new NAUGHTY HAIKU for you, and possibly some pictures of Puggle in her prom dress, but I got suckered into watching Glee tonight, and now it's close to my bedtime and I'm getting schleepy. Never mind that I started writing this almost two hours ago... fail.

~Christine

Happy 1000th Blog View To Me!

I am slightly ashamed to report that the 1000th view of this blog (since I put in that counter thing a few months back) was me. Womp womp. So maybe I'm just a smidge narcissistic. (Side note: Why does the spell-checker in Google Chrome suck so much? First it doesn't know 'texting' and now 'smidge'?) Anywhoodles, happy day to me!

Actually, today hasn't been particularly happy. It was a Monday, so dock about 25 fun points right there. Plus, work has gone from dull to so boring that I contemplate ways to pluck out my eyeballs as "S.O.S." by Rihanna is stuck in my head for 7 of the 8 hours of work. The first hour of work I was too tired to have songs stuck in my head. Also, the idiot who sits next to me might get a taste of Heinous Bitch if he doesn't stop butting into other people's business. This morning I thought he was going to start a fight with the old man who sits in front of him. FOR REAL HE IS A SENIOR CITIZEN. LET IT GO! The worst part is that the old man was right in what they were arguing about. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's bad that this argument didn't even need to happen! Just because you used to be a calculus teacher, doesn't mean that you know shit now, Mr. Smartypants!

Sorry, but I don't have a NAUGHTY HAIKU for you all today. I just spent over an hour on the phone with my friend Ashley from UD, and I want to watch last night's episode of Army Wives before I have to go to bed at my old lady bedtime. So in short, Ashley+Army Wives>NAUGHTY HAIKU.

I'm still on the fence about what I want to do with the online dating profile thing. I really don't like getting messages from the guys on it, so that's a pretty good sign, right? I just wish things were as simple as they were in junior high. How do grown-ups date or meet people? I don't even know. I wish McGee was real.

On that note, what the cul-de-sac is up with the NCIS cast not all renewing their contracts in a timely fashion? At least David McCallum and Michael Weatherly are back on for next year, but I swear on Gibbs' boat, if Sean Murray and Pauley Perrette don't come back next year, I will be making a visit to their abodes when I'm in LA this summer. Actually, no I won't, on the rare chance that someone takes me seriously. I'm not a stalker, I promise. BUT I WILL BE FREAKING PISSED. The only possible way that I would forgive them if they actually start dating again before this season is over. I think the writers are setting that up nicely, based on last week's polygraph lady episode. I think I've already said this recently in a post. FACK.

Next topic: My Facebook purge! It's been a weird little experiment. I'm apparently not as addicted to it as I thought I once was because it's only been here or there that I've wanted to get on it. Yesterday was pretty rough, I will admit. The key to not being on Facebook is just to be busier. I'm trying to think about what I did online before Facebook, and the only things I can remember are Xanga/LiveJournal and chatting to people on AIM, but who does any of those things anymore? No one. Everyone's all about the GChat (which not many of my close friends have or use) or the Facebook Chat (which lord knows why because the little experience I've had with it has been glitchy). So I've found other outlets to kill my time. Obviously, blogging. I've also become a big fan of an online community where you can give people advice. It's fun and I'm decent at it. I've also been Tweeting more, though not as much as I expected. I love Twitter because it's how I find out things with celebrities, but not as many of my friends have jumped on the Tweetwagon like I have. Also, one of the things that I miss about Facebook is not knowing things. You have to understand that I HATE HATE HATE being left out, and unless I'm with people, I am always going to be out of the loop. Even if it doesn't directly involve me, I don't like not knowing what's going on. You could call it 'nosy', or if you're not a heinous bitch, you could also call it 'concerned'. I've been this way since I was a baby. Honest to Pete, the reason why I didn't nap as a baby was because I didn't want to miss out on stuff. When I went to preschool, my mom had to lie to me and tell me that when I left, she didn't do anything (she also had to do that with my brother because he's a mama's boy!). So yes, I miss knowing things.

Interesting concept: replacing the phone ringing at the beginning of "The Call" by the Backstreet Boys with a thunderclap. It just happened to me by coincidence (my Weather Channel desktop just alerted me of approaching severe dunderstorms!), and it gives the song a whole new edge. I love it!

Okay, now I really am going to go watch Army Wives! I'm so excited for an episode that hopefully isn't so Lenore/Claudia Joy-centric. I love Claudia Joy, but I don't like the rivalry plot that she always seems to become tangled (and then ever-so-gracefully untangled) in. OH MY GOD I DON'T KNOW HOW TO END THIS POST. FACK, AGAIN I SAY, FACK!

~Christine

I'm making up for yesterday's short post...

Sundays are becoming my least favorite day of the week. For one thing, there's the impending doom of the work week starting the next day. Plus Friday and Saturday are (usually) so awesome that Sunday just pales in comparison. And the last two Sundays have had really shitty weather, which wouldn't be so bad if I had anything to do today, but I didn't. Facebook wasn't around to distract me for hours on end, so I just watched hours of Friends. I love Friends, but I really hate it when TV shows end. Usually I cry. Even now, watching the last episode of Full House makes me really depressed, and that show's been off the air for 15 years! (and I repeat: when did I get old?!?) But Friends, oh man. I weep like a little child and I've only seen the last episode twice. That's all I can handle. So yes, in addition to poopy weather and poopy boredom, I had poopy sadness today too.

I'm debating on whether or not I want to attempt online dating again. The last time I was single, I joined a free dating site along with my friends Phil and Liz. They both had lots of success (although it was all temporary) but I only actually met two of the guys from the site. One of them I liked a lot, and we met up a couple of times, but we never made it out of the friend zone, and looking back, that was probably pretty wise. He's a nice guy, but we never had that spark. The other guy wasn't that great. We went out once and he spent the whole date texting his friends to make plans to go sing karaoke afterwards. Not cool. And then a few weeks later when we tried to make plans to go out again, he "got called into work" and after that I kinda gave up on him. Then I started dating Bill and completely forgot about the other guy, until I saw that he had unfriended me on Facebook. Awesome socks. So you can see why I have some reservations.

I re-activated my profile about a week and a half ago, but I haven't changed anything on it, including the part where it says Body Type: Skinny! Hahaha, right? But back then, I could claim myself as a skinny person. It also still has a whole bunch of stuff about how I wanted to be a band director. Yup, I really need to do some updating. But I'm still not 100% sure if I want to start that search again. I miss having someone there for me all of the time, but I'm not going to find that at the start of a new relationship. That's what friends are for. It's weird though, some of the simplest things are what I miss the most. I love having my hand held. I love hugs. Scratch that, I REALLY love hugs. I love how boys smell. I love having someone put their arm around my shoulder. I love snuggling into a boy's chest. But again, most of those things I'm not going to find at the beginning of a new relationship.

While I was looking through my external hard drive yesterday to find the recipe for buffalo chicken dip (that I had mistakenly transferred over there when I moved files a few weeks ago), I found my boyfriend requirements list from the last time I was single. Keep in mind that this was from my junior year of college:

Christine's Boyfriend Requirements (2007 Edition):

- single

- at least straight

- male

- dark brown/black or blonde hair (no redheads!)

- enjoys music

- little body hair (i.e. anything more than a happy trail on the torso is not acceptable. Leg hair is fine. Back hair is not.)

- good teeth (straight and none missing)

- sense of humor

- taller than me (5'7")

- not overweight

Ideally, He Should Also:

- look good in a polo shirt

- be a fan of the Buckeyes, Steelers, and Notre Dame

- be Catholic

- have nice looking feet (no hammertoes)

- be well-dressed and groomed

- have a normal sounding name (nothing too complicated/hard to pronounce)

- be understandable (in all forms of the word)

- sing, play piano, play guitar, or play some string instrument

Some of this is so ridiculous that it makes me laugh. Some of it is still pretty true. Some of it I think I may have been a smidge bit demanding. Anywho, I've decided to revise this list as I am back on the market (by the way, I really hate that phrase because it makes me feel like produce, but it's better than 'back in the saddle').

Christine's Boyfriend Requirements (2010 Edition):

- single

- straight

- male

- have brown or black hair

- be a music lover

- be a physically attractive person

- have a sense of humor

- be taller than me

- be in shape

- be an interesting person to talk to

- be intelligent

- respect women, especially treat his mother well

- be open minded

- have goals for himself

- care about me

- be honest with himself and others

- not have things that need to be fixed (this goes along with the common fact that I tend to date charity cases who either hate themselves, hate the world, or have mental health issues)

- have confidence

- be a fun person to spend time with

- take initiative

I guess you could say that I've upped the ante, but that's the point of dating different people. You're supposed to date people so you know what's important to you in a relationship and what isn't. If you constantly date the same types of people (*shifty eyes*) you're never going to know what you're missing out on.

Moving on... to today's special edition of SLIGHTLY INTOXICATED NAUGHTY HAIKU!

You may notice that this isn't in the usual black and white color scheme. I wrote this particular NAUGHTY HAIKU at Jackie's house last night at approximately 1:30 AM. Different words, different phrases, I had a good time. I'm not entirely sure what the bit about being a bigger boat is really getting at... maybe it's a reference to being the town bicycle? Go sniff some glue after smoking some feelings and let me know!

~Christine

mark your calendars!

DUM DUM DA DUM!!!

Today is a momentous day! Why? Because today starts the INTERNATIONAL MONTH OF DAILY BLOGGING! Okay, so it's only international in the World of Christine, which is a fictional place, similar to Narnia or Hogwarts, but equally awesome. Anyway, it's one of the things on my bucket list (along with giving up Facebook for a week), and blogging is a good way to absorb my time while I can't be on Facebook.

Soooo... today is my sister's senior prom. It seems like just yesterday that I was headed off to my senior prom (jilted by my recent ex) with another ex-boyfriend's friend because the ex-boyfriend was going with one of my besties. I know, complicated. Anyway, Puggle has grown up so fast! She's been trolling around the house with her hurr did, looking absolutely gorgeous. I'll post a pic or two tomorrow, or maybe on Twitter in a half hour or so.

Sorry this is short, but I need to get going... I have a busy evening ahead of me!

~Christine