Life is just too weird for words right now. I can't believe so many people are leaving and that I'm (kinda) one of them. As strange as it seems, I'm watching an episode of Gilmore Girls (season 7) and Rory goes to a 2002 themed party, and I thought to myself, oh wow, that would be so fun! BUT soon I leave UD and where else can I throw a kickass 2002 themed party? Nowhere because when I graduate I'm going somewhere where I know one person and as much fun as he can be, two people don't make a party. Why oh why am I leaving now? I hope to God this is worth it.
~ Christine
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I'm too old for partying
Tonight was supposed to be an awesome night... it was a Disney party AND it was my last real college party. Instead it was one of the worst endings to a college career that I can think of. Don't get me wrong, parts of it were awesome, like the bongo/flute/tambourine jam session. But most of it really sucked. I'm just sick of this freshman class (with a couple of exceptions). I had some guy dump Jen's mohito all over me and my phone, and then not even offer to help clean it up. He just stood there and was like "Party foul!" So I looked at him and I was like, "No kidding, are you going to get me a towel to help clean this up?" There was mohito all over the place. Then we had the twerpy girls who would go running through the house screaming for no reason. That's annoying and dangerous. What if there was actually something wrong? How would we know? I'm just sick of it all. I feel like I don't fit in again, and I'm tired of having a shitty time every time I go to PMA. It's just not all it's cracked up to be because people are loud and stupid and I deserve better people than that. I had the most fun last weekend when I went with the alumni to Kevin's house and played Boom for an hour, and unfortunately tonight the most fun I had was driving around getting things for Jen's costume and "ice cream". Oh, and another thing. This whole judging me for my relationship thing is getting REALLY old. I feel like I'm losing friends left and right for something that doesn't even affect them. If I like my relationship and I'm happy when I'm with Bill, then that's all that matters. I keep my mouth shut about all of your stupid errors in judgement. And my situation isn't even a mistake because unlike all of you, I don't feel like I have to be a different person with Bill. If you're not mature enough to realize that you shouldn't change who you are to attract someone's attention, then you probably should keep your legs and your mouth shut. Just saying.
In other news, I came home from PMA very sober and very sad, so I sat in the shower and cried for a half hour. Not exactly sure why.
Happy 11 months!
~ Christine
In other news, I came home from PMA very sober and very sad, so I sat in the shower and cried for a half hour. Not exactly sure why.
Happy 11 months!
~ Christine
Friday, April 24, 2009
And by the faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love
Hooooo boy. Today is my Senior Commitment for SAI. I've been doing a pseudo-good job of keeping things in, but then I was thinking about things some, and now I'm teary-eyed. I still have 4 more hours until Senior Commitment and I'm already emotional. Fantastic. I'm back to not wanting to ever leave UD. I was so good at wanting to leave like a normal senior, and now I'm sad again. Change is bad. Change makes me want to stop breathing and hide under the blankets. I wish I had a little more confidence in where I'm going to be in August, but I still need a little more faith.
And now I have a bit of a confession: I read all of Laura's online diary from her high school years. I don't really know why I did it. I was kind of bored, and I saw this morning that she has now unfriended Bill on Facebook, and she's gotten smart and no longer updates her Xanga (at least not that I can read it), so I thought I'd take a stab at ancient history. I feel a little queasy now. It's kind of strange because it seemed like when Bill broke up with her before his sophomore year at UD, it came out of nowhere. It also made me realize that while it feels like we've been together forever, we've been dating for 11 months. They have so much history together and we're still in chapter 1 of our story. It scares me a little bit because I hope that by the time we reach the 4 1/2 year mark that I've been able to get to know Bill better than she did.
I guess you could say that the past couple of weeks have been a learning experience for me. I need to let Bill be Bill because he always lets me be me. I never feel like I'm putting on an act or that I have to change myself for him (unlike with Jeremy), so for me to expect Bill to change who he is would be wrong. So I'm just not going to do it. I fell in love with Bill and I'm staying in love with Bill, not SuperBill. I'm so happy that he's FINALLY going out with friends (yes, those people who you play soccer with are called friends) and that I don't feel guilty for going out and he doesn't feel guilty for going out (right?). It took us some time, but we're getting better at balancing.
I had my senior exit interview with Dr. Gratto today. I found out about it last night, haha. So it was a little late notice, but there wasn't really anything I needed to prepare. She basically wanted my honest opinion about the department, and I told her, both good and bad. Good being SWE and music theory (even though I suck at it and it took me all 4 years to pass 2 years' worth of classes). Bad being anything that Chongson taught... and kind of my flute lessons. It's not necessarily bad, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, such as not misdiagnosing your FLUTE students with dyslexia, and for someone who criticizes for a living, needs to learn how to take some criticism herself.
I really like compressed air. I dusted so much earlier... it was amazing! Except a little piece of dust flew into my eye. Kinda hurts.
Okay, I need to get to work. No tears! (ha, who am I kidding?)
~ Christine
And now I have a bit of a confession: I read all of Laura's online diary from her high school years. I don't really know why I did it. I was kind of bored, and I saw this morning that she has now unfriended Bill on Facebook, and she's gotten smart and no longer updates her Xanga (at least not that I can read it), so I thought I'd take a stab at ancient history. I feel a little queasy now. It's kind of strange because it seemed like when Bill broke up with her before his sophomore year at UD, it came out of nowhere. It also made me realize that while it feels like we've been together forever, we've been dating for 11 months. They have so much history together and we're still in chapter 1 of our story. It scares me a little bit because I hope that by the time we reach the 4 1/2 year mark that I've been able to get to know Bill better than she did.
I guess you could say that the past couple of weeks have been a learning experience for me. I need to let Bill be Bill because he always lets me be me. I never feel like I'm putting on an act or that I have to change myself for him (unlike with Jeremy), so for me to expect Bill to change who he is would be wrong. So I'm just not going to do it. I fell in love with Bill and I'm staying in love with Bill, not SuperBill. I'm so happy that he's FINALLY going out with friends (yes, those people who you play soccer with are called friends) and that I don't feel guilty for going out and he doesn't feel guilty for going out (right?). It took us some time, but we're getting better at balancing.
I had my senior exit interview with Dr. Gratto today. I found out about it last night, haha. So it was a little late notice, but there wasn't really anything I needed to prepare. She basically wanted my honest opinion about the department, and I told her, both good and bad. Good being SWE and music theory (even though I suck at it and it took me all 4 years to pass 2 years' worth of classes). Bad being anything that Chongson taught... and kind of my flute lessons. It's not necessarily bad, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, such as not misdiagnosing your FLUTE students with dyslexia, and for someone who criticizes for a living, needs to learn how to take some criticism herself.
I really like compressed air. I dusted so much earlier... it was amazing! Except a little piece of dust flew into my eye. Kinda hurts.
Okay, I need to get to work. No tears! (ha, who am I kidding?)
~ Christine
smoochy
I have romantically kissed someone: Bold what you have done.
on the cheek.
on the lips.
on their hands or fingers.
in my room.
in their room.
of the same sex.
of the opposite sex.
related to me.
younger than me.
older than me.
with jet black hair.
with curly hair.
with blonde hair and blue eyes.
with flaming red hair.
with straight hair.
smaller/shorter than me.
bigger/taller than me.
with a lip ring.
with a tongue ring.
who was drunk.
who was high.
who i had just met.
who was homosexual or bisexual.
who i didn't really want to kiss.
who didn’t really want to kiss me.
on a holiday.
who was going out with someone close to me.
who was my good friend's brother or sister.
who had been/is in jail.
in a graveyard.
at a show/concert.
at the beach.
in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water.
who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with.
with dyed hair.
with a shaved head.
who was/is my good friend.
who was/is in a band.
who had a tattoo.
who is of a completely different race than me.
in the rain.
in another continent besides where I was born.
with an accent.
with an std.
on a boat.
in a car/taxi/bus.
on a plane.
at the circus/carnival.
with a missing body part.
in the movies.
eskimo style.
in a bathroom.
on a roof.
whose name i didn't know.
for money.
wearing little or nothing.
while i was drunk.
to make someone else jealous.
the friend of a sibling.
with glasses.
that you thought was someone else.
Legit entry to come later...
~ Christine
on the cheek.
on the lips.
on their hands or fingers.
in my room.
in their room.
of the same sex.
of the opposite sex.
related to me.
younger than me.
older than me.
with jet black hair.
with curly hair.
with blonde hair and blue eyes.
with flaming red hair.
with straight hair.
smaller/shorter than me.
bigger/taller than me.
with a lip ring.
with a tongue ring.
who was drunk.
who was high.
who i had just met.
who was homosexual or bisexual.
who i didn't really want to kiss.
who didn’t really want to kiss me.
on a holiday.
who was going out with someone close to me.
who was my good friend's brother or sister.
who had been/is in jail.
in a graveyard.
at a show/concert.
at the beach.
in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water.
who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with.
with dyed hair.
with a shaved head.
who was/is my good friend.
who was/is in a band.
who had a tattoo.
who is of a completely different race than me.
in the rain.
in another continent besides where I was born.
with an accent.
with an std.
on a boat.
in a car/taxi/bus.
on a plane.
at the circus/carnival.
with a missing body part.
in the movies.
eskimo style.
in a bathroom.
on a roof.
whose name i didn't know.
for money.
wearing little or nothing.
while i was drunk.
to make someone else jealous.
the friend of a sibling.
with glasses.
that you thought was someone else.
Legit entry to come later...
~ Christine
Sunday, April 19, 2009
ch-ch-ch-changes
Things are looking better right now. Bill and I have been having a lot of good long talks lately, and we're both realizing that some things need to change. It's not going to be an overnight fix, but as long as we're both willing to work at it, we'll be okay. This is just a hard time for both of us, and we both started freaking out at the same time, but now that we know that we're both still in this, we're both feeling better about things.
Today is my last Symphonic Wind Ensemble concert. As much as some people hate SWE and can't stand Dr. Reynolds (myself included sometimes), this concert is going to be really sad for me. Somehow, SWE is the one and only thing I've stuck with all four years of college, and in many ways, it's made me more of a musician than lessons with Gilley ever did. It's going to be a little sad to have to leave the ensemble. I'm really hoping that wherever I end up next year, I'll still be able to play in a community band or something. I really love being in ensembles, I just don't like playing solos and taking flute lessons. Maybe if I had started taking lessons when I started playing in 4th grade I would have liked it a little more. In any case, having my last SWE concert is just another step in leaving UD. Sad day.
~ Christine
Today is my last Symphonic Wind Ensemble concert. As much as some people hate SWE and can't stand Dr. Reynolds (myself included sometimes), this concert is going to be really sad for me. Somehow, SWE is the one and only thing I've stuck with all four years of college, and in many ways, it's made me more of a musician than lessons with Gilley ever did. It's going to be a little sad to have to leave the ensemble. I'm really hoping that wherever I end up next year, I'll still be able to play in a community band or something. I really love being in ensembles, I just don't like playing solos and taking flute lessons. Maybe if I had started taking lessons when I started playing in 4th grade I would have liked it a little more. In any case, having my last SWE concert is just another step in leaving UD. Sad day.
~ Christine
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
scared
There are a lot of thing to be scared of right now. First, I'm absolutely terrified to graduate. I'm not ready to leave UD at all. I thought I was, but with the exception of a few situations, I'm happy here. I'm reasonably safe here. Classes are lame, but the majority of them I can squeak through with no problems. I have things to do here, I love my job here, even if it's only 10 hours a week, it's worth it. So why would I willingly leave? Sometimes I really think I made a mistake with taking off that extra year I had added on last year. I could have changed to a major I actually enjoyed and could get a decent job with but instead I got the quickest degree possible so I could graduate faster and be with Bill faster. And now all that seems like a bad idea.
My relationship is the next thing to be afraid of. I'm about to take a leap of faith by moving away from my friends and family, and NOW Bill has decided that he's not sure he wants me to move to Denver. Everything I've done since last July when I decided to change my major has been so we could be together, and now he's decided that he's afraid of committment. Really, after dating Laura for 4 1/2 years and after dating me for almost a year, you're afraid of commitment? That doesn't quite add up. I'm so scared to move away from everyone, and all I wanted was a little bit of support from him, and now that I'm not getting that, why would I move to Denver? I'm not wanted. Why keep a relationship long distance when it has the possibility to become a "regular" relationship? I've always been one to do whatever it takes to follow my dreams, but this is the first time my dream has turned me down. I'm not asking for marriage, I just wanted to be near him so we could see if we could work close distance for longer than just 3 months. That's all I want right now. I would follow him to the ends of the Earth if he wanted me to. All he has to do is take me by the hand and give me a path to follow.
- Christine
My relationship is the next thing to be afraid of. I'm about to take a leap of faith by moving away from my friends and family, and NOW Bill has decided that he's not sure he wants me to move to Denver. Everything I've done since last July when I decided to change my major has been so we could be together, and now he's decided that he's afraid of committment. Really, after dating Laura for 4 1/2 years and after dating me for almost a year, you're afraid of commitment? That doesn't quite add up. I'm so scared to move away from everyone, and all I wanted was a little bit of support from him, and now that I'm not getting that, why would I move to Denver? I'm not wanted. Why keep a relationship long distance when it has the possibility to become a "regular" relationship? I've always been one to do whatever it takes to follow my dreams, but this is the first time my dream has turned me down. I'm not asking for marriage, I just wanted to be near him so we could see if we could work close distance for longer than just 3 months. That's all I want right now. I would follow him to the ends of the Earth if he wanted me to. All he has to do is take me by the hand and give me a path to follow.
- Christine
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I love airports! (sometimes)
I'm presently sitting at my gate in the Denver airport, entirely too early, since my flight doesn't leave for another 2 hours and I'm already through security. I have to say, this airport is pretty nice, since it has a nifty little train that takes you to the different concourses. The nifty little train also plays a little jazzy piano thing when the doors are closing. And it gives you attitude and makes you feel guilty if you try to run onto the train at the last minute and the doors close on you. I believe it says something along the lines of "The doors are closing. YOU are preventing this train and its passengers from leaving on time." It's a little scary. It also has nice cushy leather armchairs by the gates with electrical outlets to plug in lappys. However, the internet here sucks! At the Indianapolis airport, I had to sit at a bar on a stool to plug in my laptop, which wasn't very comfortable, but at least my internet worked! Here, I waited for almost five minutes for Facebook to load. And here, there's an annoying bar at the top of my internet page where I can search the Denver International Airport for flights or shops. Um, there's a big screen to the left of me that lists all flights. And who honestly goes to the airport for shops? If there's not something by your gate that you like, walk about 100 feet and there will be something else. Dur.
Anyway, I had an awesome time in Denver with Bill. This trip was a little less tourist activities, which was nice. We went up to Estes Park for a day and a half, and that was great to get out of the city for a bit. I took some amazing pictures of nature things up there. I'll post some pictures here, but they'll all be up on Facebook in short order, since all 4 of you who follow this are also my friends on Facebook.
Hmmm... change of plans. The whole posting pictures thing doesn't seem to be working too well with a crappy internet connection. I guess you'll have to look on Facebook. Maybe the crappy internet will let me post to Facebook? We'll see... I still have awhile before my flight leaves!
- Christine
Anyway, I had an awesome time in Denver with Bill. This trip was a little less tourist activities, which was nice. We went up to Estes Park for a day and a half, and that was great to get out of the city for a bit. I took some amazing pictures of nature things up there. I'll post some pictures here, but they'll all be up on Facebook in short order, since all 4 of you who follow this are also my friends on Facebook.
Hmmm... change of plans. The whole posting pictures thing doesn't seem to be working too well with a crappy internet connection. I guess you'll have to look on Facebook. Maybe the crappy internet will let me post to Facebook? We'll see... I still have awhile before my flight leaves!
- Christine
Friday, April 3, 2009
is it karma? or am I just screwed?
I'm tired of things being broken. Between my housemates and my general bad luck, it's getting old. Yesterday I got my new car stereo installed, which is good! It's very pretty, but I'm not really sure on how to use it yet. However, I also had one of my bowls broken and my earbuds that I got for Christmas broke. Not the biggest deal, except that I'm going to spending a decent amount of time either sitting in an airport, or sitting on an airplane, in the next week. That brings me to my next bit of bad news. Denver is supposed to be getting a ton of snow tomorrow! I thought about moving my flight to a 7 AM flight, but they're supposed to be starting to get snow at midnight tonight, so that wouldn't help me much. Plus, I'm flying out of Indianapolis, so that would put me at leaving Dayton at 4 AM at the absolute latest. That's not gonna fly. (ha...ha...) Hopefully, by the time my plane leaves at 4:15 tomorrow afternoon they'll have had a chance to clear off the snow. I just hope there's no ice. God, I hate ice.
So here's the plan for the rest of today:
- finish lunch (which presently is chocolate and mandarin oranges)
- prettify myself. apply 3 gallons of hairspray because there are 50 mph gusts in Dayton right now
- usher Friday at 1
- work
- go to SWE :-(
- go to the store and pick out cheap earbuds to serve me temporarily while I take advantage of my warranty on my skullcandy ones
- learn how to use my car stereo
- eat dinner with anyone who's left on campus tonight
- pack for Denver and Columbus!
- watch What Not To Wear and Say Yes to the Dress
- sleep!
Ready... go!
Oh, and if you're into praying, please pray for me and anyone else who's traveling either today or tomorrow. Between the intense wind and the snow storm, this is probably the worst (weather)start to a spring break since I've been in college!
- Christine
So here's the plan for the rest of today:
- finish lunch (which presently is chocolate and mandarin oranges)
- prettify myself. apply 3 gallons of hairspray because there are 50 mph gusts in Dayton right now
- usher Friday at 1
- work
- go to SWE :-(
- go to the store and pick out cheap earbuds to serve me temporarily while I take advantage of my warranty on my skullcandy ones
- learn how to use my car stereo
- eat dinner with anyone who's left on campus tonight
- pack for Denver and Columbus!
- watch What Not To Wear and Say Yes to the Dress
- sleep!
Ready... go!
Oh, and if you're into praying, please pray for me and anyone else who's traveling either today or tomorrow. Between the intense wind and the snow storm, this is probably the worst (weather)start to a spring break since I've been in college!
- Christine
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
getmeouttahere!
I'd like to graduate now please! My senioritis has reached it's peak, I hope. I don't want to do ANYTHING! la-di-da-di-da... that's about all that's going on upstairs right now. This is an absolutely terrible time to have this happen... I still have a whole bunch of stuff to do before I get out of here in August. I'm just so tired of this department. I'm tired of this school. I'm tired of Dayton. I'm ready to spread my little birdie wings and fly away!
In other news, what happened to that awful worm that was supposed to infect all those computers? Didn't get mine, thank goodness. I don't have much stuff backed up, but I guess that would be a big sign that I need to get a new lappy.
I think I'm going to order Chipotle for dinner. It's been since Saturday! I deserve it.
I'm not a fan of the newest Facebook revision. It's very confusing and I keep seeing people write what they mean to write on a friend's wall as their status update, haha.
Just three more days until I see Bill! HOORAY!! Even though this has been the shortest time apart since we started this long-distance ridiculousness, I miss him more this time than I have before. It must be love!
~ Christine
In other news, what happened to that awful worm that was supposed to infect all those computers? Didn't get mine, thank goodness. I don't have much stuff backed up, but I guess that would be a big sign that I need to get a new lappy.
I think I'm going to order Chipotle for dinner. It's been since Saturday! I deserve it.
I'm not a fan of the newest Facebook revision. It's very confusing and I keep seeing people write what they mean to write on a friend's wall as their status update, haha.
Just three more days until I see Bill! HOORAY!! Even though this has been the shortest time apart since we started this long-distance ridiculousness, I miss him more this time than I have before. It must be love!
~ Christine
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