This is basically a procrastination technique because I've determined that my essay final is easier than I thought, and instead of having the logical response of, "Get it done now since it won't take long and then you can do other fun stuff sooner!" I'm having the response of, "It's easy, and it'll still be there in a half hour. I can take a break now!"
Anyway, I've been seeing a lot of hate re: William and Kate's wedding and I'm sick of it. No, they're not our royalty, selfish Americans, but have you forgotten that our country started off as a British colony? And in more modern times, Britain has consistently been an American ally. Besides, people all over the world pay attention to our so-called "important" news and political events. The least we can do is give them the same courtesy.
Now, I know from creeping on Facebook that people are pissed that Lifetime bumped two shows on Easter about the American military to show a documentary about the wedding. And I agree that that's crap. I have zero interest in watching a show about an event that hasn't even happened yet. That wasn't a good choice on their part, especially not a holiday when so many American families are without one or more of their members because they're deployed. What irritates me are the people who are complaining that the press is making a big deal about William and Kate's wedding. Guess what: It is a big deal!
I realize most people who read this are too young to have watched Charles and Diana's wedding, since it happened before I was born. I assure you, that the same hullabaloo happened then that's happening now. And that was a wedding between two people who didn't even like each other that much! By the time Harry was born, they downright hated each other and Charles was cheating on Diana with Camilla. William and Kate are so different. For one thing, they're older. When Diana got married, she had just turned 20! I don't know about you, but when I was 20, I thought my life would be very different than how it's turned out. Not that there's anything wrong with being young and getting married, but Charles and Diana only dated for six months before they got engaged. William and Kate have been dating since 2001 (with a brief break in 2007). I think it's safe to say that they know each other well. Plus, they're actually in love. Shocking, right? People who are in love get married every day. Princes get married every once in awhile. Princes in love rarely get married.
Even if you don't DVR the wedding (I'm assuming that no one is waking up at 4 AM to watch it live), I at least ask that you be supportive of the marriage. England needs something good to cheer for. Look at the last 100some years of their monarchy. It's filled with scandals and hush hush stories pushed under their rug. We've had our shining moments in America, now it's time for England's turn.
~ Christine
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
verr drunk... A FOR ORCHESTRA!
There are some things I realized tonight.
1. not enough bars in central ohio carry sam adams. i want to be in bahston again.
2. shoulder holsters are sexy. yup. dinozzo.
3. i think my font just changed, but I can't tell.
4. brb time to wash my face and rinse my sinuses.........
k back. know whats really hard for drunk people? aiming a squirt bottle at your nose. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I'll probably regret that choice tomorrow but as it is I'm going to have a hangover and I'm too drunk to do homework riht now.
sommmmeeeeeeeewhere overthe raaaaaaainbow!
and now for some poetic waxing and waning of the drunk. this come from my sophomore year roommate erin: my pee is clear because i drink beer!
fin.
that looks like fin, not the end. shaaaaark attack!! *chomp choimp*
I feel pretty..... fucking pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!! except not.
But I do feel pretty!
this is bad. I'm too drunk to play the sims. and I really want to but I dont want o do something dumb like starve my sims.
mmm. rice. I want ice. and phil collins. and cheesy bread!!!!! I don't even care that it's like a milllion points. SO UCKING TATSY.
I think I know how I gained weight in colelge now.
Oh hey. ANNIE AUTOMATIC. go listen to them bitches. they're fucking awesome because thye play ROCKANDFUCKINGROOLLL.
I'm clumsy when I'm sober. think od me when I'm drunk as a skunk.
I feel like thispost shold;t be publshed. but i hace=ve so mcuh to say! YOU CAN;T TIE ME DOWN.
happy birthday nic(h)ole!!!
know what doesnt help a drunk girl? a keyboard that requires you to push the keys down real hard! i have issues writing papers, let alone drunk blogging. i blame the liquid nirogen.
annie automatic is telling me to lay my head down and sleep.
i want cheese. and a man.
IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I MADE OUT WITH SOMEONE.
the last time i was even kissed was november and truthfully it was weak sauce. i kind of want to get on okcupid even though i gave it up becase of m surgery and alabama. the last i got on okcupid when i was drunk i told a very nice boy baout my dead grandpa and that was the last time i heard from him. WOMP WOMP MOTHERFUCKING FAILWHALE.
alrigght kids, i think it's time for some water and F-ri-en-d-s!
peace out bitches!
christine
1. not enough bars in central ohio carry sam adams. i want to be in bahston again.
2. shoulder holsters are sexy. yup. dinozzo.
3. i think my font just changed, but I can't tell.
4. brb time to wash my face and rinse my sinuses.........
k back. know whats really hard for drunk people? aiming a squirt bottle at your nose. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I'll probably regret that choice tomorrow but as it is I'm going to have a hangover and I'm too drunk to do homework riht now.
sommmmeeeeeeeewhere overthe raaaaaaainbow!
and now for some poetic waxing and waning of the drunk. this come from my sophomore year roommate erin: my pee is clear because i drink beer!
fin.
that looks like fin, not the end. shaaaaark attack!! *chomp choimp*
I feel pretty..... fucking pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay!! except not.
But I do feel pretty!
this is bad. I'm too drunk to play the sims. and I really want to but I dont want o do something dumb like starve my sims.
mmm. rice. I want ice. and phil collins. and cheesy bread!!!!! I don't even care that it's like a milllion points. SO UCKING TATSY.
I think I know how I gained weight in colelge now.
Oh hey. ANNIE AUTOMATIC. go listen to them bitches. they're fucking awesome because thye play ROCKANDFUCKINGROOLLL.
I'm clumsy when I'm sober. think od me when I'm drunk as a skunk.
I feel like thispost shold;t be publshed. but i hace=ve so mcuh to say! YOU CAN;T TIE ME DOWN.
happy birthday nic(h)ole!!!
know what doesnt help a drunk girl? a keyboard that requires you to push the keys down real hard! i have issues writing papers, let alone drunk blogging. i blame the liquid nirogen.
annie automatic is telling me to lay my head down and sleep.
i want cheese. and a man.
IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I MADE OUT WITH SOMEONE.
the last time i was even kissed was november and truthfully it was weak sauce. i kind of want to get on okcupid even though i gave it up becase of m surgery and alabama. the last i got on okcupid when i was drunk i told a very nice boy baout my dead grandpa and that was the last time i heard from him. WOMP WOMP MOTHERFUCKING FAILWHALE.
alrigght kids, i think it's time for some water and F-ri-en-d-s!
peace out bitches!
christine
Friday, April 8, 2011
weep for yourself my man/ you'll never be what is in your heart
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always the nicest person to myself. Self, you're a bitch to me. So this whole "be nice to yourself" thing is taking some adjustment. I wish I could remember when I started to be so hard on myself, but as far back as I can remember, I've always been this way. I've been a big believer in pushing myself so that I can succeed and be the best, but and when I fail in something, not only do I disappoint others, I disappoint myself. The question is why do I feel like I disappoint others? It's not their problem if I mess up. It's mine. Even if they're relying on me for something, while they may be upset that whatever it was that I was supposed to do didn't work out, it's ultimately me who has to deal with the aftermath. I have a huge fear of failure. When I was a little kid, if I did something I wasn't supposed to, I would let others take the fall if they got caught and I didn't. I know, that's a horrible thing to do, and it's truly something I feel bad about. I just couldn't face the reality of letting myself down. I always justified it by saying that since I saw someone else be punished, I'd never do it again, and most of the time, that worked. I prided myself in being well-behaved. Well-behaved girls make their families proud, and there's that classic Catholic guilt thing kicking in. For years, this system of living under the radar, while being extremely hard on myself internally has worked for me. I've finally reached my breaking point, though. I'm starting to see that if I don't ease up on myself, I will kill myself from stress. My life is stressful enough without throwing myself as a stressor into the mix. I still have issues with feeling guilty about trying to be happy. I feel like that's something that I blogged about a year ago, and it's not better. My problem is that so many other people in my life have huge problems and issues weighing on them, and somehow I feel responsible for making sure that they're all doing okay. The problem is that many of them aren't, and then I again feel failure, and of course stress. Then I beat up on myself for being stressed because I'm supposed to be concentrating on how to be happy. I mean, unhappiness was one of the biggest reasons why I ended my last relationship. I don't want to be alone forever, but and I'm not going to get into another relationship until I'm happy with myself. (I'm not supposed to be using the word 'but'.)
The point of all of this rambling is that I'm going to do my best to forgive myself. It's okay to not be perfect. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that simply pointing out all of the things that I'm good at outweighs all of the negative effects I feel for being imperfect. My little assignment to make myself happy for 5 minutes a day is starting to seem like a placeholder for actual legitimate happiness. Yeah, it makes me feel good, but when the 5 minutes are over I'm back to my usual self-hating personality. I suppose I could extend the 5 minutes to a longer part of my day, but that's not very realistic. I have a lot of stuff that I have to do that doesn't make me happy. I also have a lot of stuff that doesn't make me feel anything. I'm emotionally neutral on probably 95% of my school assignments. I also have a nagging thought in my head that if I can just fix everything that's wrong with me, I'll be happy because then I'll be perfect. I know that this will never happen, not because I'll never be happy, but because it's not possible to fix everything. Of course, this realization simply makes me more unhappy because I want to be happy so badly, and it seems like achieving happiness is never going to happen. I just want answers! I also kind of think that going on some sort of retreat would be helpful, but nothing religious, and definitely nothing in solitude.
I have real problems when I'm alone. I sob uncontrollably when I have to go back to Kent to pack up more of my apartment... partly because that whole situation feels like yet another failure in my life, and partly because I'm miserable when I'm alone. It's not that I'm afraid to be alone, it's more that I don't like the feeling of abandonment, even if I'm the one doing the abandoning. Honestly, that semester in Kent probably did more harm than good to my mental health. I've never experienced that kind of intense loneliness before. I was fine at UD when I lived on my own that last summer, probably because I had friends around. But Kent was just... awful. When I realized that there would be days on end where I wouldn't leave my apartment because I had no reason to, or that the only words I said out loud all day didn't happen until dinnertime when I called my mom, that's when the loneliness really hit me. Even the visits with my friends in Cleveland didn't help most of the time because I eventually had to go back to Kent, back to my empty apartment where the only company I had were my hamsters. Even though I'm alone sometimes here at home, I'm still much happier (relatively speaking, of course) here than in Kent. When people leave here, I know that they'll be back. When people would leave in Kent, I had no idea when I would see them again. Even if I do get lonely here (which hasn't happened) I have friends close by that I can call. I have family here too. I feel a tremendous pressure to be okay with being alone, really alone, without any friends, because I know in the back of my mind that someday I'll have to be open to moving away. More than once I've had the thought, "I wish I had a husband" just so I know that someday when the day comes that I'll have to leave Columbus, I'll have at least one friend with me. And again, this whole loneliness thing feels like a failure and then I get stressed and unhappy.
Have I made myself sound crazy yet? I don't intend to, but I do want to get some of my thoughts across, in case anyone's been thinking that I'm acting like a crazy person. There is a reasoning behind my madness, it's just not something I'm super comfortable talking about in person. Believe me, it's taken me a long time to even admit half of this stuff to myself, admitting it to my friends and family may never happen, at least not verbally. The written word is a beautiful thing, and something we need to use more often... coming from a girl who has taken to blogging once a month. Hey, I'm not perfect.
~Christine
The point of all of this rambling is that I'm going to do my best to forgive myself. It's okay to not be perfect. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that simply pointing out all of the things that I'm good at outweighs all of the negative effects I feel for being imperfect. My little assignment to make myself happy for 5 minutes a day is starting to seem like a placeholder for actual legitimate happiness. Yeah, it makes me feel good, but when the 5 minutes are over I'm back to my usual self-hating personality. I suppose I could extend the 5 minutes to a longer part of my day, but that's not very realistic. I have a lot of stuff that I have to do that doesn't make me happy. I also have a lot of stuff that doesn't make me feel anything. I'm emotionally neutral on probably 95% of my school assignments. I also have a nagging thought in my head that if I can just fix everything that's wrong with me, I'll be happy because then I'll be perfect. I know that this will never happen, not because I'll never be happy, but because it's not possible to fix everything. Of course, this realization simply makes me more unhappy because I want to be happy so badly, and it seems like achieving happiness is never going to happen. I just want answers! I also kind of think that going on some sort of retreat would be helpful, but nothing religious, and definitely nothing in solitude.
I have real problems when I'm alone. I sob uncontrollably when I have to go back to Kent to pack up more of my apartment... partly because that whole situation feels like yet another failure in my life, and partly because I'm miserable when I'm alone. It's not that I'm afraid to be alone, it's more that I don't like the feeling of abandonment, even if I'm the one doing the abandoning. Honestly, that semester in Kent probably did more harm than good to my mental health. I've never experienced that kind of intense loneliness before. I was fine at UD when I lived on my own that last summer, probably because I had friends around. But Kent was just... awful. When I realized that there would be days on end where I wouldn't leave my apartment because I had no reason to, or that the only words I said out loud all day didn't happen until dinnertime when I called my mom, that's when the loneliness really hit me. Even the visits with my friends in Cleveland didn't help most of the time because I eventually had to go back to Kent, back to my empty apartment where the only company I had were my hamsters. Even though I'm alone sometimes here at home, I'm still much happier (relatively speaking, of course) here than in Kent. When people leave here, I know that they'll be back. When people would leave in Kent, I had no idea when I would see them again. Even if I do get lonely here (which hasn't happened) I have friends close by that I can call. I have family here too. I feel a tremendous pressure to be okay with being alone, really alone, without any friends, because I know in the back of my mind that someday I'll have to be open to moving away. More than once I've had the thought, "I wish I had a husband" just so I know that someday when the day comes that I'll have to leave Columbus, I'll have at least one friend with me. And again, this whole loneliness thing feels like a failure and then I get stressed and unhappy.
Have I made myself sound crazy yet? I don't intend to, but I do want to get some of my thoughts across, in case anyone's been thinking that I'm acting like a crazy person. There is a reasoning behind my madness, it's just not something I'm super comfortable talking about in person. Believe me, it's taken me a long time to even admit half of this stuff to myself, admitting it to my friends and family may never happen, at least not verbally. The written word is a beautiful thing, and something we need to use more often... coming from a girl who has taken to blogging once a month. Hey, I'm not perfect.
~Christine
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