Since I'm technically writing this on Saturday, I officially have one day left in Columbus. I'm a list-making type, as you all know, so I'm going to express how I feel about this in a list.
The Good
- I'm tired of being around my family all the time. As much as I love them, I need my space sometimes, and this is one area that they never really understood.
- I'll be able to eat what I want, most importantly when I want! If I eat breakfast at 10, I won't want lunch at 11:30.
- I'll actually be able to do something (or several somethings) with this degree, as opposed to my Music degree. I loved being a musician, but it's not something I can do and make money off of.
- I need a fresh start. I've spent a lot of time in the last year wallowing, and I'm sick of it. I need to be with people who don't look at me and see a girl who turned into a self-absorbed, introverted, wacko last fall. I also need to practice conversation with people who don't immediately understand what I'm saying when I squawk a noise at them. Yes, I sometimes speak nonsense with my friends.
- I'll be back where I belong, at a school, and learning!
The Ugly
- I'm really going to miss my friends. I've gotten really used to automatically having friends in the past few years. I haven't had to make new friends in a long time, and I don't know if I know how to anymore. It's hard to compare with my friends. Even my UD friends trail behind my Watterson friends. It's nothing against them, but I've known some of my friends since I was 5 or 6. You can't trade that kind of history for anything. I'm starting to feel like I'm running out of room for new friends in my life.
- Kent State pales in comparison to UD. When I toured UD, it was freezing cold, pouring down rain, windy, and my umbrella broke. But I still managed to fall in love. When I toured Kent, it was freezing cold, snowing, and we found out about Papa's car accident (that I still believe was a factor in his death a few weeks later). And the whole time I kept thinking, "This just isn't as good, but it'll have to do." I feel like I'm divorcing the man of my dreams for an insurance salesman with bad breath and tacky suits.
- I've gotten really attached to having my family around. I've always been unusually close with my family, and if I could, I would live no more than 10 minutes away from them for the rest of my life. But let's face facts. The odds of that happening are slim to none. Even in the last two weeks since Katie's been gone, I've missed her so so SO much. I keep thinking that she's going to wander downstairs or she'll come dancing in the room, listening to her iPod and completely ignoring that we're staring at her like she's crazy. I'll be honest, I cried after she left. Specifically, I cried and snuggled with Rosie. Which brings me to my next point...
- I'm really going to miss Rosie. I'm an animal person, always have been, and I always will be. Animals like me, and I like them. Sometimes I like animals more than people because they don't have the unnecessary drama that us stupid humans like to cause. But this last year with Rosie has been so much fun. I know he's Katie's rabbit, but let's face it: during the school year, I was home a lot and Katie wasn't, and even when she was home, she had homework to do. So when it came to playtime, I spent a lot of time with Rosie. Plus, I've been through a lot since I moved back home. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this at some other point, but after my Grandpa passed away, and again after my Papa passed away, playing with Rosie was the most helpful and therapeutic thing for me. I remember talking to Bill after my Papa died, and I kept telling him that I wanted him to say something. I didn't know what, I just needed comforting. No matter what he said, I still felt unsatisfied. But spending time with Rosie helped me heal more than any person ever could. So when I'm up at Kent and I'm sad and lonely, I won't have an animal around to comfort me, or even to just distract me a little bit from what's bothering me.
Okay, I realize that the bad outweighs the good in space, but there's one more good point than there is bad point. Let's just call this for what it is: I hate change. I don't do well with change. But this is just something I'm going to have to do. I think I'll like it when I spend more time in Kent, but for right now, I'm cautious. I'm trying to not pass judgment, or compare Kent to UD or Watterson, but I can't help but make little comparisons in my mind. I just hope that I find some sort of happiness in all of this.
~ Christine
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
food and other things that go "nom"
Let's get the Debbie Downer stuff out of the way first. By the way, I saw a Debbie Downer lookalike at MLIS orientation tonight. Back on topic!
I spent a good 25 minutes sifting through pictures on Facebook trying to finding a new profile picture. For some reason, lately I can't find I want to stick with for more than a couple days at a time. Oh well, it's my life. This search ended at the end of my junior year at UD and I have two questions to raise:
1. HOW did I gain so much weight between then and now? Even the first half of my senior year, I still looked damn good, even though I had gained a couple of pounds. I literally can't figure out what I did second semester that caused me to gain weight. I figured out this past year. It's a no brainer. Depression + eating my feelings + general lazyness and lack of motivation to get out of bed (and on really bad days, wear a bra, brush my hair, etc.) = lots of weight gain. That's not surprising. But the second half of senior year wasn't that awful in my memory. Sure, I totaled my car, but I got to see Bill a lot (and at that point he wasn't a smarmy asshole. Oh wait, the girl's the asshole! That's mean... but true) and I had fun with my friends. Maybe it was the stress of graduating and not knowing what I wanted to do? I have no clue.
2. HOW did I ever think that at that point in my life I was fat? I remember getting on the scale shortly before Christmas break and freaking out because I was getting close to that point where I'm not comfortable weighing that much. You know, we all have that weight. For some people it's 115 pounds. I hate those people. Anyway, I turned to Jen and said, "Jen, if I ever weigh XYZ again, I don't know what I'll do!" Lo and behold, shortly after Christmas I weighed myself again, and I weighed XYZ. Of course, now I weigh much more than that.
I just don't get it. From the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year, I held steady. Then from the middle of senior year until last August I held basically steady. And then this year I've been creeping up slowly, with little dips here and there. I'm reading this book called Health at Every Size and one of the arguments the author makes is that everyone has a setpoint for their weight. Basically it's what you naturally weigh when you're not trying to lose weight. I'm trying to convince myself that my setpoint is that weight I had from the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year. Once my crash diet/unintentional starvation from marching band season of junior year ended, I didn't try to lose weight. I just ate when I was hungry. I didn't work out. I just lived. In fact, I didn't start going to the RecPlex on a regular basis until the summer after senior year and it never really helped. I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose any either. I'm just hoping that once I get back on a campus where I'm forced to move myself without a car and I can cook my own food and not buy crappy food, I'll get back to where I'm supposed to be. I mean, I get all of the reasons the author says regarding why it's actually negative to force yourself to try to lose weight, but she's also operating under the assumption that the weight you're at now is because of regular exercise and eating a healthy and balanced diet. In my case, it's totally not. Don't get me wrong, my mom tries. But when you live in a household where the food is determined on what your father will and can eat, and he refuses to eat most fruits and vegetables, it's limited. Also, the constant supply of cookies is awful. I bet all of you would be shocked (and horrified) if you looked in our pantry. We always have at least 3 types of cookies on hand because between my dad, brother, and usually my mom, there just has to be cookies. When I first moved back home, I ate them a lot more often, and always in amounts of threes. Then I realized that they weren't even filling, and quite honestly, store-bought cookies taste awful. If I'm going to eat a sugar packed cookie, I'm going to eat a good sugar packed cookie and eat something freshly baked, not packed with preservatives. Now, I rarely eat them, and I've started skipping an afternoon snack, or if I do have something, I eat just one cookie instead of three. And I never eat a snack before bed. I just have a glass of milk with my (now numerous) medicine.
Speaking of bed, I'm exhausted. I haven't driven that far in one day in a very long time and I have a full day of unpacking and repacking tomorrow. There was positive stuff, I swear, but it's going to have to wait for another day.
One last thing. I want to take this opportunity to remind you that you only get one opportunity to make a good first impression. For example, when you meet your girlfriend's lifelong best friends at a party for the first time and you spend most of the evening sitting there with your arms crossed, refusing to talk to anyone and being generally rude, they're going to remember you as "Grumpy Bill" even eight months later. So in short, don't be a jerk.
~ Christine
I spent a good 25 minutes sifting through pictures on Facebook trying to finding a new profile picture. For some reason, lately I can't find I want to stick with for more than a couple days at a time. Oh well, it's my life. This search ended at the end of my junior year at UD and I have two questions to raise:
1. HOW did I gain so much weight between then and now? Even the first half of my senior year, I still looked damn good, even though I had gained a couple of pounds. I literally can't figure out what I did second semester that caused me to gain weight. I figured out this past year. It's a no brainer. Depression + eating my feelings + general lazyness and lack of motivation to get out of bed (and on really bad days, wear a bra, brush my hair, etc.) = lots of weight gain. That's not surprising. But the second half of senior year wasn't that awful in my memory. Sure, I totaled my car, but I got to see Bill a lot (and at that point he wasn't a smarmy asshole. Oh wait, the girl's the asshole! That's mean... but true) and I had fun with my friends. Maybe it was the stress of graduating and not knowing what I wanted to do? I have no clue.
2. HOW did I ever think that at that point in my life I was fat? I remember getting on the scale shortly before Christmas break and freaking out because I was getting close to that point where I'm not comfortable weighing that much. You know, we all have that weight. For some people it's 115 pounds. I hate those people. Anyway, I turned to Jen and said, "Jen, if I ever weigh XYZ again, I don't know what I'll do!" Lo and behold, shortly after Christmas I weighed myself again, and I weighed XYZ. Of course, now I weigh much more than that.
I just don't get it. From the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year, I held steady. Then from the middle of senior year until last August I held basically steady. And then this year I've been creeping up slowly, with little dips here and there. I'm reading this book called Health at Every Size and one of the arguments the author makes is that everyone has a setpoint for their weight. Basically it's what you naturally weigh when you're not trying to lose weight. I'm trying to convince myself that my setpoint is that weight I had from the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year. Once my crash diet/unintentional starvation from marching band season of junior year ended, I didn't try to lose weight. I just ate when I was hungry. I didn't work out. I just lived. In fact, I didn't start going to the RecPlex on a regular basis until the summer after senior year and it never really helped. I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose any either. I'm just hoping that once I get back on a campus where I'm forced to move myself without a car and I can cook my own food and not buy crappy food, I'll get back to where I'm supposed to be. I mean, I get all of the reasons the author says regarding why it's actually negative to force yourself to try to lose weight, but she's also operating under the assumption that the weight you're at now is because of regular exercise and eating a healthy and balanced diet. In my case, it's totally not. Don't get me wrong, my mom tries. But when you live in a household where the food is determined on what your father will and can eat, and he refuses to eat most fruits and vegetables, it's limited. Also, the constant supply of cookies is awful. I bet all of you would be shocked (and horrified) if you looked in our pantry. We always have at least 3 types of cookies on hand because between my dad, brother, and usually my mom, there just has to be cookies. When I first moved back home, I ate them a lot more often, and always in amounts of threes. Then I realized that they weren't even filling, and quite honestly, store-bought cookies taste awful. If I'm going to eat a sugar packed cookie, I'm going to eat a good sugar packed cookie and eat something freshly baked, not packed with preservatives. Now, I rarely eat them, and I've started skipping an afternoon snack, or if I do have something, I eat just one cookie instead of three. And I never eat a snack before bed. I just have a glass of milk with my (now numerous) medicine.
Speaking of bed, I'm exhausted. I haven't driven that far in one day in a very long time and I have a full day of unpacking and repacking tomorrow. There was positive stuff, I swear, but it's going to have to wait for another day.
One last thing. I want to take this opportunity to remind you that you only get one opportunity to make a good first impression. For example, when you meet your girlfriend's lifelong best friends at a party for the first time and you spend most of the evening sitting there with your arms crossed, refusing to talk to anyone and being generally rude, they're going to remember you as "Grumpy Bill" even eight months later. So in short, don't be a jerk.
~ Christine
Monday, August 16, 2010
we're all related to Kevin Bacon
It's been a few days. Sorry about that. I've had a busy few days. Katie left for Case Western yesterday, and Mom's up there now for Puggle's orientation. Yesterday was Dustin's going away party too. I know change is inevitable, but I really really hate it. I want all of my friends to stay in one spot forever. Except that I'm ready to get out of Columbus. I just hate thinking that when I come back, they might not all be here.
Last Thursday was Katie's going away cookout with her friends. They discovered that Katie has a hidden talent. She has a knack for connection two seemingly unconnected actors and actresses through TV shows and movies. They would give her two random actors and she would find a way that they're connected. Apparently this is a family trait because I discovered I have a talent for it as well. For example, Katie's friends said to connect Paul Rudd (actually, they said Mike from Friends) and Pauley Perrette (again, they said Abby from NCIS). Katie found a long rambling pathway between the two, which managed to involve Two of a Kind and Covert Affairs, so props for that! But I found a much shorter pathway.
Paul Rudd played Mike Hannigan in "Friends":
Paul Rudd also starred in the movie I Love You Man, along with Rashida Jones:
Rashida Jones also played Karen on "The Office": (I don't know why this picture won't center)
Also on "The Office" was Melora Hardin, portraying Jan Levinson (Gould):
And on the fifth episode of NCIS (The Curse), Melora Hardin guest starred as former Petty Office Erin Toner:
Therefore linking her to Pauley Perrette!
So while I was bored at church the other day (in my defense, we had the priest who you can't understand because he's a million years old and doesn't speak into the microphone), I was pondering the age-old debacle: How many degrees of separation are there between myself and Kevin Bacon?
I'm not entirely sure where this whole "Six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon" thing came from, but it's kind of entertaining. Apparently there's a game, a charity, and a website all related to this concept. To be fair, my sister's an actor, so this was really easy for me. But look at it this way, if you know me, just tack yourself to the end of the chain!
How I am Connected to Kevin Bacon:
This is my sister, actress superior!
In 2006, Katie was in the Broadway Across America production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (she was in the children's chorus). Starring in the role of Joseph was Patrick Cassidy:
Patrick Cassidy's mother is Shirley Jones, who played Marian the librarian in the 1962 movie version of The Music Man (one of my all-time favorites). During filming, Shirley Jones became pregnant with Patrick Cassidy:
Also starring in The Music Man was a young Ron Howard, who played Winthrop Paroo, Marian's younger brother (remember the kid with the lisp?):
Little Ronny Howard would go on to direct my absolute favorite movie ever, Apollo 13:
And of course, Kevin Bacon played the role of Jack Swigert in Apollo 13:
There you have it! I'm a mere five degrees away from Kevin Bacon. Isn't IMDB.com wonderful?
~ Christine
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
girl with one eye
I'm getting more than a little bit tired of the wacked-out dreams I've been having lately. Last night's edition involved me going to a farm to look at baby bunnies, but instead of looking like typical bunnies, their fur was replaced by this weird looking material that can only be described as a cilia pillow. Supposedly once they grew up their regular fur came in, but I didn't want to take that chance, so then I had to awkwardly leave the farm. Aside from the baby bunnies, it wasn't as bizarre as some of the other dreams I've been having lately, but it still made me uncomfortable.
Woah. I got super tired suddenly. I'll make this short.
I went back to the doctor today. My blood pressure has been "awesome" as my doctor said, and everything from my tests last week came back normal, except for a high level of potassium. So that could be causing the headaches. Or it's a sinus headache after all. When she looked at my sinuses today they were really inflamed, but not infected. So I have a nasal spray to try out now, and of course they did more blood work to check my potassium. Blah. I'm so over this. I just want to be healthy for more than a week at a time.
Happy 82nd birthday to my fabulous Grandma!
~ Christine
Woah. I got super tired suddenly. I'll make this short.
I went back to the doctor today. My blood pressure has been "awesome" as my doctor said, and everything from my tests last week came back normal, except for a high level of potassium. So that could be causing the headaches. Or it's a sinus headache after all. When she looked at my sinuses today they were really inflamed, but not infected. So I have a nasal spray to try out now, and of course they did more blood work to check my potassium. Blah. I'm so over this. I just want to be healthy for more than a week at a time.
Happy 82nd birthday to my fabulous Grandma!
~ Christine
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
everything that's important gets cleaned
Really quick: I had the same dream last night that I did two nights ago except for two small changes:
1. Laura wasn't a bitch and was actually really nice to me.
2. Bill was actually a ghost.
I don't even want to try to figure that one out.
Anyway, I really want to see Eat, Pray, Love! I see the trailer for it multiple times a day because I'm watching the entire series of Major Dad on Hulu, and it's either that or an ad for Band-Aid. I feel like this movie could be my life to a certain extent. No, I haven't traveled abroad recently, but I have done a lot of self-discovery. I want to read the book too, but I'm already in the middle of reading two other books, so that's going to have to wait.
Since I've been spending my free time watching Major Dad, I've noticed a trend. Time for a list!
TV Shows Involving the Military That Have a Character Named "Mac":
1. Major Dad - Major John D. Macgillis often goes by the nickname "Mac"
2. JAG - Liutenant Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie... another nickname of "Mac"
3. Army Wives - Mac is the guy that Denise cheats on Frank with. Ironically, Denise is played by Catherine Bell, who also played Mac on JAG.
4. NCIS - I'll be honest. The IMDB page for NCIS only lists out characters who have been on more than one episode, and I'm not about to sift through the detailed pages for 186 episodes. Sorry. I'm lazy. But I think it's a safe bet that at some point there's been a guest role by the name of Mac.
5. Friends - Okay, so not a military show, but who could forget Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E?
~ Christine
1. Laura wasn't a bitch and was actually really nice to me.
2. Bill was actually a ghost.
I don't even want to try to figure that one out.
Anyway, I really want to see Eat, Pray, Love! I see the trailer for it multiple times a day because I'm watching the entire series of Major Dad on Hulu, and it's either that or an ad for Band-Aid. I feel like this movie could be my life to a certain extent. No, I haven't traveled abroad recently, but I have done a lot of self-discovery. I want to read the book too, but I'm already in the middle of reading two other books, so that's going to have to wait.
Since I've been spending my free time watching Major Dad, I've noticed a trend. Time for a list!
TV Shows Involving the Military That Have a Character Named "Mac":
1. Major Dad - Major John D. Macgillis often goes by the nickname "Mac"
2. JAG - Liutenant Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie... another nickname of "Mac"
3. Army Wives - Mac is the guy that Denise cheats on Frank with. Ironically, Denise is played by Catherine Bell, who also played Mac on JAG.
4. NCIS - I'll be honest. The IMDB page for NCIS only lists out characters who have been on more than one episode, and I'm not about to sift through the detailed pages for 186 episodes. Sorry. I'm lazy. But I think it's a safe bet that at some point there's been a guest role by the name of Mac.
5. Friends - Okay, so not a military show, but who could forget Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E?
~ Christine
Monday, August 9, 2010
there's a drumming noise inside my head whenever you're around
I had a really screwy dream last night. I had a dream that I went to Bill's apartment to get my stuff back, and Laura had moved in with him, kind of. It was more of an unofficial thing, like how I essentially moved in the first summer we were dating, but a lot of my stuff was still in my room in Stuart. Anyway, I tried to talk to Bill about when I could get my stuff back, and Laura kept interrupting me with the stupidest stuff. I wanted to smack her. First of all, I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, and if she kept interrupting me, then that just prolonged my visit. Plus, I could tell she wanted me out of there too, probably so she could go back to sleeping all day long. Anyway, Bill was really rude to me, and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. Finally, I had to scream at him that the computer was mine and if he wasn't going to give it back I would have to go to the police. Then he threw me up against the wall and held me there by my neck. I was so terrified! In the time we dated, Bill would get mad sometimes, and it always bothered me a bit, but he never EVER was violent to me. He would usually go off by himself if he was upset with me (which led to the time that I had to drive from UD to the Graeter's in Oakwood to pick him up in a huge thunderstorm... not fun) or if he was upset with something else (usually soccer or Laura) he would sulk. But he never did anything violent towards me. So there I am, dangling, and Laura announces that she's going to take a shower. Awkward. Whatever. It's not like I expected the bitch to help me out, but in times of crisis, what happened to sister solidarity? Bill realized that he was starting to choke me, and he let me down. Then he walked into his room, and I followed, assuming that now I would get my computer back. Instead he pulled out of a box of notes that Laura had written him when they had dated while she was in high school and he started kissing the paper. It was really weird. Then he pulled out a box of mementos from when we dated and he started ripping them up. That really bothered me. So I yelled at him to stop, but he couldn't hear me. So I'm upset, Bill's ripping up stuff, and Laura's still showering. At this point, I just want to leave. I head to the door and Bill calls out for me to come back. Then Laura emerges from the shower and Bill kicks her out for the rest of the day. I'm not really sure why. He claims that she's late for work, but I don't understand why should would have a job in Vandalia when she's in school in Akron. Then Bill takes me by the hand and sits me down on the couch. He asks me to stay the night, and I don't say anything for a long time. Finally, I look at him and I ask him if he's had sex with Laura. He doesn't say anything, but he looks sheepish. So I get up and leave. Then I woke up.
I'm nobody's sloppy seconds. I really hate myself for having this kind of a dream. I just don't know what brought it on. I'm so much happier with myself now, and everyone can see it. My grandma told me last week when I visited her to pick up her bird that she has seen a huge change in me in the last few months. I'm finally happy with myself. I have a direction in my life, and it's something I chose for me, not because it makes someone else happy. So what's the deal? Why can't my subconscious just let go?
In other news, my blood pressure has been normal every day since my appointment last week. So as long as my bloodwork comes back okay, I'm hopeful that there's nothing wrong with me. My headache finally went away yesterday, thanks to a lot of sleep! But today I have a lot of pressure behind my eyes and in the bridge of my nose. I swear, there's something up with my sinuses.
I've been obsessing over bunnies recently. I spent a good portion of an afternoon reading all of the articles on the House Rabbit Society's website, and yesterday at Border's I impulsively bought the second edition of Rabbits for Dummies. I've even picked out a breed I would like, and I picked out a name, but that's a secret until I actually get a bunny. I did the responsible adult thing and I made an Excel spreadsheet of costs and expenses. I've decided I want to try to find a shelter bunny as opposed to going to a breeder. Shelters spay and neuter their bunnies automatically (bunnies can start reproducing as early as 4 months old!) so that would be a cost that I wouldn't have to deal with down the road. Plus, I wouldn't run the risk of losing my bunny in surgery, like my friend Jacki's bunny. The only problem with a shelter bunny is that many shelters require proof from where you're living that you can have a rabbit, or they require a home visit. I suppose I could lie and say that the bunny would live at my parent's house... because next summer it probably would. But I feel bad about lying. And once I get to my apartment at Kent, I'm going to have to investigate the likelihood of smuggling in an animal. I miss living in a house at UD. Having a zoo there was so easy! In any case, I'm not going to get a rabbit until the following things happen:
1. I save up enough money to buy all of the supplies on my list, including toys, food, etc.
2. I find a suitable way to sneak the rabbit in. The last thing I want is to get a rabbit and then have to send the poor thing to live with my parents.
3. Bandcoming is over. There's no point in getting a bunny and then leaving for a weekend of drunken debauchery.
Ew. When did I turn into an adult?
~ Christine
I'm nobody's sloppy seconds. I really hate myself for having this kind of a dream. I just don't know what brought it on. I'm so much happier with myself now, and everyone can see it. My grandma told me last week when I visited her to pick up her bird that she has seen a huge change in me in the last few months. I'm finally happy with myself. I have a direction in my life, and it's something I chose for me, not because it makes someone else happy. So what's the deal? Why can't my subconscious just let go?
In other news, my blood pressure has been normal every day since my appointment last week. So as long as my bloodwork comes back okay, I'm hopeful that there's nothing wrong with me. My headache finally went away yesterday, thanks to a lot of sleep! But today I have a lot of pressure behind my eyes and in the bridge of my nose. I swear, there's something up with my sinuses.
I've been obsessing over bunnies recently. I spent a good portion of an afternoon reading all of the articles on the House Rabbit Society's website, and yesterday at Border's I impulsively bought the second edition of Rabbits for Dummies. I've even picked out a breed I would like, and I picked out a name, but that's a secret until I actually get a bunny. I did the responsible adult thing and I made an Excel spreadsheet of costs and expenses. I've decided I want to try to find a shelter bunny as opposed to going to a breeder. Shelters spay and neuter their bunnies automatically (bunnies can start reproducing as early as 4 months old!) so that would be a cost that I wouldn't have to deal with down the road. Plus, I wouldn't run the risk of losing my bunny in surgery, like my friend Jacki's bunny. The only problem with a shelter bunny is that many shelters require proof from where you're living that you can have a rabbit, or they require a home visit. I suppose I could lie and say that the bunny would live at my parent's house... because next summer it probably would. But I feel bad about lying. And once I get to my apartment at Kent, I'm going to have to investigate the likelihood of smuggling in an animal. I miss living in a house at UD. Having a zoo there was so easy! In any case, I'm not going to get a rabbit until the following things happen:
1. I save up enough money to buy all of the supplies on my list, including toys, food, etc.
2. I find a suitable way to sneak the rabbit in. The last thing I want is to get a rabbit and then have to send the poor thing to live with my parents.
3. Bandcoming is over. There's no point in getting a bunny and then leaving for a weekend of drunken debauchery.
Ew. When did I turn into an adult?
~ Christine
Thursday, August 5, 2010
let's all take a deep breath
When I'm wrong, I can admit it. Sometimes. Okay, rarely. But this time I'll admit it: I was wrong. I do not have a sinus infection like I thought. Instead, my doctor thinks that I might have hypertension AKA high blood pressure. Awesome.
To be perfectly honest, I'm not surprised. In the last few months, I've noticed on the few occasions that I've made it to the gym that my heart rate has been higher than normal, and higher than what's considered healthy. But I'm a stupid bitch and I kept going because how are you supposed to lose weight and effectively lower your heart rate and blood pressure without alcohol? Welp, that was a bad move apparently. The headaches I've been battling the last few days are either caused by the hypertension or the pain from the headaches is what's causing the hypertension. I don't know which option is worse. In the first option, I have an answer, but it's not a great one. And in the second option, I have an answer for the hypertension, but not for the headaches, which given my family's history, could be a gamut of things from migraines to intercranial hypertension.
I'll be frank. (You can be Denise! Hahaha...) I have my bets on that it's the first option. I know I'm overweight. I know I haven't eaten well. I know I drank too much occasionally in college. I just always assumed that you get a few more mulligans before the big time consequences come into play. I really have been trying to lose weight and exercise more, but when I get out of a routine it's really hard for me to get back into one. Let's take a look at my summer/spring in reverse: I've been sick. I was on vacation. I was exhausted and super jet lagged from the Western Trip. I was on the Western Trip. I worked out for like a week. I had Katie's graduation. I worked full-time for a month. I worked out for like two weeks. I was sick. I was on the Eastern Trip. I worked out for like another 2 weeks. I had my birthday. You can't get much more irregular than that. My life needs a healthy dose of Activia.
Anyway, I've spent my afternoon and evening doing some research. (Some of it was plane tickets for my Mom and Grandma to fly to Tante Vina's funeral, which I love looking up ticket prices!) Apparently there's a third option. I could have what's known as white coat hypertension, which is basically that the concept of the doctor's office stresses me out so much that it causes my blood pressure to rise. This would be nice. I wouldn't have serious hypertension, but I still wouldn't have a solution to my headaches. However, I doubt this. I was completely relaxed about this appointment because I really thought it was just a sinus infection. I know it sounds weird, but I actually really like having my blood pressure taken. I'm strange, I know, but when the cuff squeezes my arm really tight, it feels good, even though it kinda hurts. Whatever. I can be masochistic.
So the next step is to monitor my blood pressure for the next week and see what's going on. I had blood work done today to make sure there's nothing wrong with my kidneys or anything. Apparently it's really unusual to have a physical sign of hypertension, such as a headache, and if you have a sign, it can be an indication that there's something else wrong, such as kidney failure. Lovely, right?
Personally, if I do in fact have hypertension, I want to try to correct this without medicine. I've been reading about blood pressure medicine and they all sound scary. Oh, and did you know that a possible side effect of taking certain types of birth control (like the kind I take...) can be high blood pressure? Of course, that's not normally an issue unless you're over the age of 35 (nope) or if you smoke (really nope!). One thing's for sure: I cannot function without my birth control. Seriously. I become a whiny blob one week in four without it. I literally cannot move or do ANYTHING. It's awful. Sometimes I think that everyone should just be a boy, and then I remember that I'm prettier and smarter and I change my mind again. Anyway, I want to try the diet and exercise route first before we start messing around with drugs. For one thing, it's cheaper, and I still don't have health insurance until September. Plus, I need to lose weight anyway. My doctor is a stick in a lab coat. I bet she weighs 85 pounds, not even kidding. I'm thinking she knows something about weight loss that I don't, so at my follow-up appointment next week, I'm going to ask her about that.
Did you know that people who own animals, especially dogs, are much less likely to develop hypertension?Being around animals naturally relaxes people. This is why many hospices will have a calm dog around for the patients and families. Plus, dogs require walking. Being active, and in turn weighing less, helps keep your blood pressure down. It's a winning situation! I've been wanting a dog or a pet for awhile. I know I couldn't pull off a dog in my building this year, but I may try another pet. Fish are lame (sorry Bubba, may you rest in peace) and I don't find them relaxing. I loved my gerbils, even though they were incestuous lesbians. I'm seriously considering a guinea pig. I really want a rabbit too. I love spending time with Rosie. It's odd in a way, but every time that someone in my family has died in the last year, Rosie has been the most calming influence. I remember the day after the night Papa passed away when my family sat in the family room and we played with Rosie for over an hour and a half. And he/she just put up with it. It's like they know that their humans are hurting. I'll be honest, after the doctor this morning, today has not been a great day for me. WebMd is both helpful and hurtful. So I've played with Rosie a little more than usual. And even though my sister has chastised me for playing the "Bun Bun Bunny Bun" video for Rosie (twice), it's really calmed me down. Kent State can't argue if an animal is therapeutic, right?
Anyway, if you're the praying type, or even if you just like to think good thoughts towards people, I'd like to ask if you could think/pray for me. I'm hoping that this is nothing and not something, but in case it is something, I'd like to know that I have people on my side.
~ Christine
To be perfectly honest, I'm not surprised. In the last few months, I've noticed on the few occasions that I've made it to the gym that my heart rate has been higher than normal, and higher than what's considered healthy. But I'm a stupid bitch and I kept going because how are you supposed to lose weight and effectively lower your heart rate and blood pressure without alcohol? Welp, that was a bad move apparently. The headaches I've been battling the last few days are either caused by the hypertension or the pain from the headaches is what's causing the hypertension. I don't know which option is worse. In the first option, I have an answer, but it's not a great one. And in the second option, I have an answer for the hypertension, but not for the headaches, which given my family's history, could be a gamut of things from migraines to intercranial hypertension.
I'll be frank. (You can be Denise! Hahaha...) I have my bets on that it's the first option. I know I'm overweight. I know I haven't eaten well. I know I drank too much occasionally in college. I just always assumed that you get a few more mulligans before the big time consequences come into play. I really have been trying to lose weight and exercise more, but when I get out of a routine it's really hard for me to get back into one. Let's take a look at my summer/spring in reverse: I've been sick. I was on vacation. I was exhausted and super jet lagged from the Western Trip. I was on the Western Trip. I worked out for like a week. I had Katie's graduation. I worked full-time for a month. I worked out for like two weeks. I was sick. I was on the Eastern Trip. I worked out for like another 2 weeks. I had my birthday. You can't get much more irregular than that. My life needs a healthy dose of Activia.
Anyway, I've spent my afternoon and evening doing some research. (Some of it was plane tickets for my Mom and Grandma to fly to Tante Vina's funeral, which I love looking up ticket prices!) Apparently there's a third option. I could have what's known as white coat hypertension, which is basically that the concept of the doctor's office stresses me out so much that it causes my blood pressure to rise. This would be nice. I wouldn't have serious hypertension, but I still wouldn't have a solution to my headaches. However, I doubt this. I was completely relaxed about this appointment because I really thought it was just a sinus infection. I know it sounds weird, but I actually really like having my blood pressure taken. I'm strange, I know, but when the cuff squeezes my arm really tight, it feels good, even though it kinda hurts. Whatever. I can be masochistic.
So the next step is to monitor my blood pressure for the next week and see what's going on. I had blood work done today to make sure there's nothing wrong with my kidneys or anything. Apparently it's really unusual to have a physical sign of hypertension, such as a headache, and if you have a sign, it can be an indication that there's something else wrong, such as kidney failure. Lovely, right?
Personally, if I do in fact have hypertension, I want to try to correct this without medicine. I've been reading about blood pressure medicine and they all sound scary. Oh, and did you know that a possible side effect of taking certain types of birth control (like the kind I take...) can be high blood pressure? Of course, that's not normally an issue unless you're over the age of 35 (nope) or if you smoke (really nope!). One thing's for sure: I cannot function without my birth control. Seriously. I become a whiny blob one week in four without it. I literally cannot move or do ANYTHING. It's awful. Sometimes I think that everyone should just be a boy, and then I remember that I'm prettier and smarter and I change my mind again. Anyway, I want to try the diet and exercise route first before we start messing around with drugs. For one thing, it's cheaper, and I still don't have health insurance until September. Plus, I need to lose weight anyway. My doctor is a stick in a lab coat. I bet she weighs 85 pounds, not even kidding. I'm thinking she knows something about weight loss that I don't, so at my follow-up appointment next week, I'm going to ask her about that.
Did you know that people who own animals, especially dogs, are much less likely to develop hypertension?Being around animals naturally relaxes people. This is why many hospices will have a calm dog around for the patients and families. Plus, dogs require walking. Being active, and in turn weighing less, helps keep your blood pressure down. It's a winning situation! I've been wanting a dog or a pet for awhile. I know I couldn't pull off a dog in my building this year, but I may try another pet. Fish are lame (sorry Bubba, may you rest in peace) and I don't find them relaxing. I loved my gerbils, even though they were incestuous lesbians. I'm seriously considering a guinea pig. I really want a rabbit too. I love spending time with Rosie. It's odd in a way, but every time that someone in my family has died in the last year, Rosie has been the most calming influence. I remember the day after the night Papa passed away when my family sat in the family room and we played with Rosie for over an hour and a half. And he/she just put up with it. It's like they know that their humans are hurting. I'll be honest, after the doctor this morning, today has not been a great day for me. WebMd is both helpful and hurtful. So I've played with Rosie a little more than usual. And even though my sister has chastised me for playing the "Bun Bun Bunny Bun" video for Rosie (twice), it's really calmed me down. Kent State can't argue if an animal is therapeutic, right?
Anyway, if you're the praying type, or even if you just like to think good thoughts towards people, I'd like to ask if you could think/pray for me. I'm hoping that this is nothing and not something, but in case it is something, I'd like to know that I have people on my side.
~ Christine
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
I'm not cocky, I just love myself... BITCH
- Sometimes when I stumble, I listen to Christina Aguilera and I feel instantly better about myself.
- The "Bun Bun Bunny Bun" video never fails to make me smile. Ditto for "Shopping Penguin".
- The website I used last summer and fall to watch back episodes of NCIS and Army Wives no longer links to active websites that host videos... at least not in the US. Not even Megavideo. Damn government. I mean, I get it and all, but there needs to be more showings of TV shows on air currently. USA replays the same group of about 60 episodes of NCIS. Not cool.
- I'm still waiting for the season 8 season pass of NCIS to come out on iTunes. Like hell am I going to pay over $50 at the end of the season!
- I have had a constant headache all day. Usually I'm the girl who's begging for the TV to be louder, and for once I was the one who would steal the remote and turn the volume down. I'm being forced into going to the doctor tomorrow without insurance. Thanks parents (and I mean that genuinely. I take crappy care of myself sometimes)!
- We got a phone call about an hour ago (from Boeing, which threw me for a loop) from my cousin Joe, telling us that our Tante Vina had passed away about an hour ago. For anyone who cares, Tante Vina was my Uncle Joe's first wife. He was the one who passed away when I was in Europe and my family didn't tell me until several days after I got home. Anyway, I haven't seen Tante Vina in years. She's been sick, and everytime there was a memorial service for my Uncle Joe, I couldn't make it. But she's always stayed in touch with my family, especially my Grandma, and she always sent us cards and little gifts for our birthdays and graduations. August as a month in general is just a shitty month. NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO DIE IN AUGUST. EVER.
- Oh wow... I'm starting to feel sleepy. I'm going to take advantage of this rare opportunity and say goodnight!
~ Christine
- The "Bun Bun Bunny Bun" video never fails to make me smile. Ditto for "Shopping Penguin".
- The website I used last summer and fall to watch back episodes of NCIS and Army Wives no longer links to active websites that host videos... at least not in the US. Not even Megavideo. Damn government. I mean, I get it and all, but there needs to be more showings of TV shows on air currently. USA replays the same group of about 60 episodes of NCIS. Not cool.
- I'm still waiting for the season 8 season pass of NCIS to come out on iTunes. Like hell am I going to pay over $50 at the end of the season!
- I have had a constant headache all day. Usually I'm the girl who's begging for the TV to be louder, and for once I was the one who would steal the remote and turn the volume down. I'm being forced into going to the doctor tomorrow without insurance. Thanks parents (and I mean that genuinely. I take crappy care of myself sometimes)!
- We got a phone call about an hour ago (from Boeing, which threw me for a loop) from my cousin Joe, telling us that our Tante Vina had passed away about an hour ago. For anyone who cares, Tante Vina was my Uncle Joe's first wife. He was the one who passed away when I was in Europe and my family didn't tell me until several days after I got home. Anyway, I haven't seen Tante Vina in years. She's been sick, and everytime there was a memorial service for my Uncle Joe, I couldn't make it. But she's always stayed in touch with my family, especially my Grandma, and she always sent us cards and little gifts for our birthdays and graduations. August as a month in general is just a shitty month. NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED TO DIE IN AUGUST. EVER.
- Oh wow... I'm starting to feel sleepy. I'm going to take advantage of this rare opportunity and say goodnight!
~ Christine
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
the brain, the brain, the center of the chain
I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. Naturally, writing while staring at a bright computer screen will help. I tried laying down in complete darkness, and that did nothing, so you never know.
Today/yesterday (by the time I finish, it'll be after midnight) was the one year anniversary of when my Grandpa passed away. It's been a weird day. I cried a little bit last night when I got home from spending a really awesome day with my friends. I've just felt ill all day. I've had a horrible sinus headache, and I'm so tired. I slept this afternoon for over 2 1/2 hours, even though I got 7 hours of sleep last night. My family has been on edge somewhat too. It's like we all tried so hard to not be bitchy today, but it just didn't work out, and we ended up being bitchy. Plus Katie leaves for Case Western soon, and my parents are desperately trying to get their new van, but the people at Kia are being shady. So basically, everything that causes people in my family to be bitchy, happened today. It's been really... awesome.
OH. And at lunch today, my mom and I watched the first episode of Say Yes To The Dress: Atlanta, and the one family was all "Southern matriarch attitude" and the grandma did not like a SINGLE dress her granddaughter tried on. Then the bride comes out in this beautiful trumpet skirt gown with sparkles and it was so gorgeous and the grandma approved (finally). The consultant then turns to the family and tells them that while she was in the dressing room, the bride said that she picked out that specific dress because she knew in her heart that her grandpa would have loved it and he had promised her that he would be at her wedding and he would dance with her. He died in September, and her wedding is in March, so this was probably sometime in October or November. Well, at that, her whole Southern matriarch brood breaks down in tears! The mother is sobbing, the bride is sobbing, I honestly thought they would have to call an ambulance for the grandmother, she was so upset. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS SPECIFIC EPISODE TODAY OF ALL DAYS?"
It was like the time last fall that Mom and I went to see a movie to de-stress after all of the post-funeral business was done, and the movie we picked on a whim happened to be about a guy who does grief counseling because he feels guilty that his wife was killed in a car accident when he was driving. Why do my mom and I do this to ourselves? I wanted to watch a movie tonight, but almost everything I own has something to do with death, or it reminds me of something that makes me sad, or both, so do you know what I wound up watching? Head Over Heels. That's right. The awful Freddie Prinze Jr. movie from 2001 about a bunch of models who think that FPJ is a killer. I really don't understand me. When I'm sad, I turn to violent crimes to feel better. Let's all reflect on my "Summer of NCIS" last summer where I watched all 6 seasons of NCIS in about 6 weeks while working, finishing up classes, moving home, and of course, going to funerals. My family thinks I'm strange because I bought a book about people who have died while visiting the Grand Canyon. So I can be morbid... I'm not goth (although I might be Abby for Halloween... the jury's still out on this one) and it makes me feel better. Not happy, but not sadder.
I think I'm going to go watch some NCIS now. Maybe a Gibbs-slap will get rid of this awful headache.
~ Christine
Today/yesterday (by the time I finish, it'll be after midnight) was the one year anniversary of when my Grandpa passed away. It's been a weird day. I cried a little bit last night when I got home from spending a really awesome day with my friends. I've just felt ill all day. I've had a horrible sinus headache, and I'm so tired. I slept this afternoon for over 2 1/2 hours, even though I got 7 hours of sleep last night. My family has been on edge somewhat too. It's like we all tried so hard to not be bitchy today, but it just didn't work out, and we ended up being bitchy. Plus Katie leaves for Case Western soon, and my parents are desperately trying to get their new van, but the people at Kia are being shady. So basically, everything that causes people in my family to be bitchy, happened today. It's been really... awesome.
OH. And at lunch today, my mom and I watched the first episode of Say Yes To The Dress: Atlanta, and the one family was all "Southern matriarch attitude" and the grandma did not like a SINGLE dress her granddaughter tried on. Then the bride comes out in this beautiful trumpet skirt gown with sparkles and it was so gorgeous and the grandma approved (finally). The consultant then turns to the family and tells them that while she was in the dressing room, the bride said that she picked out that specific dress because she knew in her heart that her grandpa would have loved it and he had promised her that he would be at her wedding and he would dance with her. He died in September, and her wedding is in March, so this was probably sometime in October or November. Well, at that, her whole Southern matriarch brood breaks down in tears! The mother is sobbing, the bride is sobbing, I honestly thought they would have to call an ambulance for the grandmother, she was so upset. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS SPECIFIC EPISODE TODAY OF ALL DAYS?"
It was like the time last fall that Mom and I went to see a movie to de-stress after all of the post-funeral business was done, and the movie we picked on a whim happened to be about a guy who does grief counseling because he feels guilty that his wife was killed in a car accident when he was driving. Why do my mom and I do this to ourselves? I wanted to watch a movie tonight, but almost everything I own has something to do with death, or it reminds me of something that makes me sad, or both, so do you know what I wound up watching? Head Over Heels. That's right. The awful Freddie Prinze Jr. movie from 2001 about a bunch of models who think that FPJ is a killer. I really don't understand me. When I'm sad, I turn to violent crimes to feel better. Let's all reflect on my "Summer of NCIS" last summer where I watched all 6 seasons of NCIS in about 6 weeks while working, finishing up classes, moving home, and of course, going to funerals. My family thinks I'm strange because I bought a book about people who have died while visiting the Grand Canyon. So I can be morbid... I'm not goth (although I might be Abby for Halloween... the jury's still out on this one) and it makes me feel better. Not happy, but not sadder.
I think I'm going to go watch some NCIS now. Maybe a Gibbs-slap will get rid of this awful headache.
~ Christine
Sunday, August 1, 2010
the dog days are over!
I'm feeling slightly invincible tonight. Babysitting was awful, but I'm not even going to get into that, I've been in such a fantastic mood the last few days, and nothing would bring me down right now.
After my "Woe is meeeeee... I'm never going to a job and I'm going to be an old maid" rant the other day, I realized that I have a lot more going for me than I originally thought. Let's be honest. I've spent a large portion of my life selling myself short. When I think about getting married and starting a family, I feel like I'm being suffocated. But when I think about grad school, and leaving Ohio, I feel exhilarated. I've always had a sneaky suspicion that I'm meant to be more than some fat toad's housewife. And now, I know for sure that I am going to do awesome things with my life. I like a challenge. I'm a competitive person. Just ask anyone who figured skated with me. I want the best for myself because I work hard and I deserve it. I really don't know what got into me my senior year of college where I basically became a moist towelette. You could have walked up to that Christine and told her that the only thing she was good at was making other people happy while never thinking about herself. Well, no more of that crap! I'm looking out for number one!
Yes, the job market is pretty sucky. But I'm convinced that if I give it my all and I work hard, I'll be okay. For one thing, I really don't want to stay in Ohio. I'm not really sure that I want to stay in one place for a long time, but Ohio is just not a good place to be right now, both for me and for librarians-to-be. It's a good fit. I've applied for the job in Ravenna, and I'm crossing my fingers that I get it because otherwise I won't have money for food (which may be a good way to lose weight... if it worked once, it can work again!). Plus, I want the experience. The MLIS program has a practicum requirement for your last semester in the program, but that's it. So in addition to my hopeful library job, I really want to get an internship next summer. Ideally, I want that internship to be in Washington DC. I've loved DC since the first time I visited in the summer of 2001. I also have friends in the city now (*waves at Phil and Laura*) and I have my former roommate in Baltimore (*waves at Hollie*). I spent my afternoon yesterday Googling internships in DC for library sciences and there's more than I thought there would be. The one I'm really lusting after is for MLIS candidates who also have a background in music and would be interested in a career as a music librarian. Music librarian jobs are extremely rare, but if I have the internship experience under my belt, I would have a greater chance of being hired should an opening come along. It's completely perfect. Plus it would also be a great chance for me to experience life out of Ohio for a little bit. I'm so ridiculously excited at the prospect of spending next summer in DC, and I can't even apply for these internships until January! This really is the first thing that I'm doing to help myself in a long time. Everything has been for the benefit of other people, and I'm sick of living my life for the sake of other people's wishes. Now it's my turn.
~ Christine
After my "Woe is meeeeee... I'm never going to a job and I'm going to be an old maid" rant the other day, I realized that I have a lot more going for me than I originally thought. Let's be honest. I've spent a large portion of my life selling myself short. When I think about getting married and starting a family, I feel like I'm being suffocated. But when I think about grad school, and leaving Ohio, I feel exhilarated. I've always had a sneaky suspicion that I'm meant to be more than some fat toad's housewife. And now, I know for sure that I am going to do awesome things with my life. I like a challenge. I'm a competitive person. Just ask anyone who figured skated with me. I want the best for myself because I work hard and I deserve it. I really don't know what got into me my senior year of college where I basically became a moist towelette. You could have walked up to that Christine and told her that the only thing she was good at was making other people happy while never thinking about herself. Well, no more of that crap! I'm looking out for number one!
Yes, the job market is pretty sucky. But I'm convinced that if I give it my all and I work hard, I'll be okay. For one thing, I really don't want to stay in Ohio. I'm not really sure that I want to stay in one place for a long time, but Ohio is just not a good place to be right now, both for me and for librarians-to-be. It's a good fit. I've applied for the job in Ravenna, and I'm crossing my fingers that I get it because otherwise I won't have money for food (which may be a good way to lose weight... if it worked once, it can work again!). Plus, I want the experience. The MLIS program has a practicum requirement for your last semester in the program, but that's it. So in addition to my hopeful library job, I really want to get an internship next summer. Ideally, I want that internship to be in Washington DC. I've loved DC since the first time I visited in the summer of 2001. I also have friends in the city now (*waves at Phil and Laura*) and I have my former roommate in Baltimore (*waves at Hollie*). I spent my afternoon yesterday Googling internships in DC for library sciences and there's more than I thought there would be. The one I'm really lusting after is for MLIS candidates who also have a background in music and would be interested in a career as a music librarian. Music librarian jobs are extremely rare, but if I have the internship experience under my belt, I would have a greater chance of being hired should an opening come along. It's completely perfect. Plus it would also be a great chance for me to experience life out of Ohio for a little bit. I'm so ridiculously excited at the prospect of spending next summer in DC, and I can't even apply for these internships until January! This really is the first thing that I'm doing to help myself in a long time. Everything has been for the benefit of other people, and I'm sick of living my life for the sake of other people's wishes. Now it's my turn.
~ Christine
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