I had a really screwy dream last night. I had a dream that I went to Bill's apartment to get my stuff back, and Laura had moved in with him, kind of. It was more of an unofficial thing, like how I essentially moved in the first summer we were dating, but a lot of my stuff was still in my room in Stuart. Anyway, I tried to talk to Bill about when I could get my stuff back, and Laura kept interrupting me with the stupidest stuff. I wanted to smack her. First of all, I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, and if she kept interrupting me, then that just prolonged my visit. Plus, I could tell she wanted me out of there too, probably so she could go back to sleeping all day long. Anyway, Bill was really rude to me, and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. Finally, I had to scream at him that the computer was mine and if he wasn't going to give it back I would have to go to the police. Then he threw me up against the wall and held me there by my neck. I was so terrified! In the time we dated, Bill would get mad sometimes, and it always bothered me a bit, but he never EVER was violent to me. He would usually go off by himself if he was upset with me (which led to the time that I had to drive from UD to the Graeter's in Oakwood to pick him up in a huge thunderstorm... not fun) or if he was upset with something else (usually soccer or Laura) he would sulk. But he never did anything violent towards me. So there I am, dangling, and Laura announces that she's going to take a shower. Awkward. Whatever. It's not like I expected the bitch to help me out, but in times of crisis, what happened to sister solidarity? Bill realized that he was starting to choke me, and he let me down. Then he walked into his room, and I followed, assuming that now I would get my computer back. Instead he pulled out of a box of notes that Laura had written him when they had dated while she was in high school and he started kissing the paper. It was really weird. Then he pulled out a box of mementos from when we dated and he started ripping them up. That really bothered me. So I yelled at him to stop, but he couldn't hear me. So I'm upset, Bill's ripping up stuff, and Laura's still showering. At this point, I just want to leave. I head to the door and Bill calls out for me to come back. Then Laura emerges from the shower and Bill kicks her out for the rest of the day. I'm not really sure why. He claims that she's late for work, but I don't understand why should would have a job in Vandalia when she's in school in Akron. Then Bill takes me by the hand and sits me down on the couch. He asks me to stay the night, and I don't say anything for a long time. Finally, I look at him and I ask him if he's had sex with Laura. He doesn't say anything, but he looks sheepish. So I get up and leave. Then I woke up.
I'm nobody's sloppy seconds. I really hate myself for having this kind of a dream. I just don't know what brought it on. I'm so much happier with myself now, and everyone can see it. My grandma told me last week when I visited her to pick up her bird that she has seen a huge change in me in the last few months. I'm finally happy with myself. I have a direction in my life, and it's something I chose for me, not because it makes someone else happy. So what's the deal? Why can't my subconscious just let go?
In other news, my blood pressure has been normal every day since my appointment last week. So as long as my bloodwork comes back okay, I'm hopeful that there's nothing wrong with me. My headache finally went away yesterday, thanks to a lot of sleep! But today I have a lot of pressure behind my eyes and in the bridge of my nose. I swear, there's something up with my sinuses.
I've been obsessing over bunnies recently. I spent a good portion of an afternoon reading all of the articles on the House Rabbit Society's website, and yesterday at Border's I impulsively bought the second edition of Rabbits for Dummies. I've even picked out a breed I would like, and I picked out a name, but that's a secret until I actually get a bunny. I did the responsible adult thing and I made an Excel spreadsheet of costs and expenses. I've decided I want to try to find a shelter bunny as opposed to going to a breeder. Shelters spay and neuter their bunnies automatically (bunnies can start reproducing as early as 4 months old!) so that would be a cost that I wouldn't have to deal with down the road. Plus, I wouldn't run the risk of losing my bunny in surgery, like my friend Jacki's bunny. The only problem with a shelter bunny is that many shelters require proof from where you're living that you can have a rabbit, or they require a home visit. I suppose I could lie and say that the bunny would live at my parent's house... because next summer it probably would. But I feel bad about lying. And once I get to my apartment at Kent, I'm going to have to investigate the likelihood of smuggling in an animal. I miss living in a house at UD. Having a zoo there was so easy! In any case, I'm not going to get a rabbit until the following things happen:
1. I save up enough money to buy all of the supplies on my list, including toys, food, etc.
2. I find a suitable way to sneak the rabbit in. The last thing I want is to get a rabbit and then have to send the poor thing to live with my parents.
3. Bandcoming is over. There's no point in getting a bunny and then leaving for a weekend of drunken debauchery.
Ew. When did I turn into an adult?
~ Christine
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