I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. Naturally, writing while staring at a bright computer screen will help. I tried laying down in complete darkness, and that did nothing, so you never know.
Today/yesterday (by the time I finish, it'll be after midnight) was the one year anniversary of when my Grandpa passed away. It's been a weird day. I cried a little bit last night when I got home from spending a really awesome day with my friends. I've just felt ill all day. I've had a horrible sinus headache, and I'm so tired. I slept this afternoon for over 2 1/2 hours, even though I got 7 hours of sleep last night. My family has been on edge somewhat too. It's like we all tried so hard to not be bitchy today, but it just didn't work out, and we ended up being bitchy. Plus Katie leaves for Case Western soon, and my parents are desperately trying to get their new van, but the people at Kia are being shady. So basically, everything that causes people in my family to be bitchy, happened today. It's been really... awesome.
OH. And at lunch today, my mom and I watched the first episode of Say Yes To The Dress: Atlanta, and the one family was all "Southern matriarch attitude" and the grandma did not like a SINGLE dress her granddaughter tried on. Then the bride comes out in this beautiful trumpet skirt gown with sparkles and it was so gorgeous and the grandma approved (finally). The consultant then turns to the family and tells them that while she was in the dressing room, the bride said that she picked out that specific dress because she knew in her heart that her grandpa would have loved it and he had promised her that he would be at her wedding and he would dance with her. He died in September, and her wedding is in March, so this was probably sometime in October or November. Well, at that, her whole Southern matriarch brood breaks down in tears! The mother is sobbing, the bride is sobbing, I honestly thought they would have to call an ambulance for the grandmother, she was so upset. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS SPECIFIC EPISODE TODAY OF ALL DAYS?"
It was like the time last fall that Mom and I went to see a movie to de-stress after all of the post-funeral business was done, and the movie we picked on a whim happened to be about a guy who does grief counseling because he feels guilty that his wife was killed in a car accident when he was driving. Why do my mom and I do this to ourselves? I wanted to watch a movie tonight, but almost everything I own has something to do with death, or it reminds me of something that makes me sad, or both, so do you know what I wound up watching? Head Over Heels. That's right. The awful Freddie Prinze Jr. movie from 2001 about a bunch of models who think that FPJ is a killer. I really don't understand me. When I'm sad, I turn to violent crimes to feel better. Let's all reflect on my "Summer of NCIS" last summer where I watched all 6 seasons of NCIS in about 6 weeks while working, finishing up classes, moving home, and of course, going to funerals. My family thinks I'm strange because I bought a book about people who have died while visiting the Grand Canyon. So I can be morbid... I'm not goth (although I might be Abby for Halloween... the jury's still out on this one) and it makes me feel better. Not happy, but not sadder.
I think I'm going to go watch some NCIS now. Maybe a Gibbs-slap will get rid of this awful headache.
~ Christine
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