It's 3 AM and I'm wide awake. I hate how I'm ready to go to bed at 7 PM, and then I get a second wind and end up staying up half the night for no real reason.
Anyway, tonight I watched an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and it's sent me on a lovely tornado of self-loathing. Normally, I love the snark that Millionaire Matchmaker brings to my life, but on tonight's episode, one of the millionaires was pretty chubby. No biggie, right? Except that you could tell the guy was super embarrassed about it and for crying out loud, he own a multi-million dollar MUFFIN business! (I never thought I'd say those words.) Anyway, one of the potential mates that was selected for him was a gym bunny and she was selected because she said she'd make a heavy guy go to the gym with her. Um, what? Call me crazy, but if you love someone, you're not supposed to want to change them, and if you do want to change them, then you're never going to be in love. Relationships 101.
Of course, instead of reacting like a normal person and feeling horrified for this girl, I reacted like the insecure skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body I am. I've spent the last hour researching diets, fitness regimes, how to make certain body parts look skinnier than they are, and I even posted a question about which unattractive body part on a girl guys find least attractive. I measured my chest/waist too. I got too depressed by the numbers to even get to hips. I finally told two of my friends over the weekend what I weigh (only because one of them said her weight first, and even though I weigh more than she does, it gave me a smidgen of confidence) and they were both shocked by what I weigh. Apparently the number on the scale isn't an accurate representation of what I look like. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Between seven years of figure skating and seven years of marching band, I've built up some serious muscles. They aren't going away either because they're in my legs and anytime I try to do cardio to lose fat, I end up working those muscles again and they go back to their happy place of being all large and toned. I realize that having muscle is an advantage because I can eat more than someone who weighs my weight and is mostly fat, and I'll burn off what I eat and she won't, but it still sucks. I still don't like what I see, in myself and on the scale. It's like every time I think about what I look like, I get bigger and bigger in my mind, like that kid in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I'm also freaking out because I'm slowly starting to venture out in the world of dating again. I've never been this fat and found a boyfriend. I've never even been close. I always gain weight when I date someone, so if this is my starting point... eek! I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I did reactivate my profile on OkCupid. Mostly it's been fruitless. Either the guys are creepy or not interested. But there have been a couple who I wouldn't mind dating. I just feel so ashamed of myself because even though I accurately represent myself in my pictures (they're all from the last year) and I haven't changed weight now in a year, I kind of wonder if these guys are really looking at my pictures. I mean, if I was a guy and I had to choose between a girl who looked like me, and basically anyone else, I'd probably go with the someone else, with a few exceptions. I'm starting to get to that dangerous point with a guy where we should probably meet in person, but I'm absolutely terrified to. He seems so nice and he's musical, and smart, and all-around amazing, but he's also really skinny. I bet you anything that if we do ever meet in person, it'll be the last time. And that's really unfortunate. I just wish I could lose 20 pounds in a week and not die. That would seriously solve my problem right now. The fact is, I don't know how to lose weight without doing damage to myself. I've tried everything I can think of. I've done Weight Watchers (twice! Jennifer Hudson lies... the most weight I lost on it was 6 pounds.) and I've been on Sparkpeople for ages. I've tried doing more cardio, eating less dairy, cutting out all desserts, and of course my personal favorite: the Diet Coke and crackers diet. I'm joking about that last one. Kind of. I've starting drinking water like a fish. I average around 72 ounces a day, not counting water absorbed in other drinks and food. It's doing nice things for my skin, but it doesn't fill me up. That's another lie I've been told.
So if you're a nice person, please help me. I'm out of ideas and I can't take looking like this much longer.
~ Christine
Showing posts with label fab abs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fab abs. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
food and other things that go "nom"
Let's get the Debbie Downer stuff out of the way first. By the way, I saw a Debbie Downer lookalike at MLIS orientation tonight. Back on topic!
I spent a good 25 minutes sifting through pictures on Facebook trying to finding a new profile picture. For some reason, lately I can't find I want to stick with for more than a couple days at a time. Oh well, it's my life. This search ended at the end of my junior year at UD and I have two questions to raise:
1. HOW did I gain so much weight between then and now? Even the first half of my senior year, I still looked damn good, even though I had gained a couple of pounds. I literally can't figure out what I did second semester that caused me to gain weight. I figured out this past year. It's a no brainer. Depression + eating my feelings + general lazyness and lack of motivation to get out of bed (and on really bad days, wear a bra, brush my hair, etc.) = lots of weight gain. That's not surprising. But the second half of senior year wasn't that awful in my memory. Sure, I totaled my car, but I got to see Bill a lot (and at that point he wasn't a smarmy asshole. Oh wait, the girl's the asshole! That's mean... but true) and I had fun with my friends. Maybe it was the stress of graduating and not knowing what I wanted to do? I have no clue.
2. HOW did I ever think that at that point in my life I was fat? I remember getting on the scale shortly before Christmas break and freaking out because I was getting close to that point where I'm not comfortable weighing that much. You know, we all have that weight. For some people it's 115 pounds. I hate those people. Anyway, I turned to Jen and said, "Jen, if I ever weigh XYZ again, I don't know what I'll do!" Lo and behold, shortly after Christmas I weighed myself again, and I weighed XYZ. Of course, now I weigh much more than that.
I just don't get it. From the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year, I held steady. Then from the middle of senior year until last August I held basically steady. And then this year I've been creeping up slowly, with little dips here and there. I'm reading this book called Health at Every Size and one of the arguments the author makes is that everyone has a setpoint for their weight. Basically it's what you naturally weigh when you're not trying to lose weight. I'm trying to convince myself that my setpoint is that weight I had from the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year. Once my crash diet/unintentional starvation from marching band season of junior year ended, I didn't try to lose weight. I just ate when I was hungry. I didn't work out. I just lived. In fact, I didn't start going to the RecPlex on a regular basis until the summer after senior year and it never really helped. I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose any either. I'm just hoping that once I get back on a campus where I'm forced to move myself without a car and I can cook my own food and not buy crappy food, I'll get back to where I'm supposed to be. I mean, I get all of the reasons the author says regarding why it's actually negative to force yourself to try to lose weight, but she's also operating under the assumption that the weight you're at now is because of regular exercise and eating a healthy and balanced diet. In my case, it's totally not. Don't get me wrong, my mom tries. But when you live in a household where the food is determined on what your father will and can eat, and he refuses to eat most fruits and vegetables, it's limited. Also, the constant supply of cookies is awful. I bet all of you would be shocked (and horrified) if you looked in our pantry. We always have at least 3 types of cookies on hand because between my dad, brother, and usually my mom, there just has to be cookies. When I first moved back home, I ate them a lot more often, and always in amounts of threes. Then I realized that they weren't even filling, and quite honestly, store-bought cookies taste awful. If I'm going to eat a sugar packed cookie, I'm going to eat a good sugar packed cookie and eat something freshly baked, not packed with preservatives. Now, I rarely eat them, and I've started skipping an afternoon snack, or if I do have something, I eat just one cookie instead of three. And I never eat a snack before bed. I just have a glass of milk with my (now numerous) medicine.
Speaking of bed, I'm exhausted. I haven't driven that far in one day in a very long time and I have a full day of unpacking and repacking tomorrow. There was positive stuff, I swear, but it's going to have to wait for another day.
One last thing. I want to take this opportunity to remind you that you only get one opportunity to make a good first impression. For example, when you meet your girlfriend's lifelong best friends at a party for the first time and you spend most of the evening sitting there with your arms crossed, refusing to talk to anyone and being generally rude, they're going to remember you as "Grumpy Bill" even eight months later. So in short, don't be a jerk.
~ Christine
I spent a good 25 minutes sifting through pictures on Facebook trying to finding a new profile picture. For some reason, lately I can't find I want to stick with for more than a couple days at a time. Oh well, it's my life. This search ended at the end of my junior year at UD and I have two questions to raise:
1. HOW did I gain so much weight between then and now? Even the first half of my senior year, I still looked damn good, even though I had gained a couple of pounds. I literally can't figure out what I did second semester that caused me to gain weight. I figured out this past year. It's a no brainer. Depression + eating my feelings + general lazyness and lack of motivation to get out of bed (and on really bad days, wear a bra, brush my hair, etc.) = lots of weight gain. That's not surprising. But the second half of senior year wasn't that awful in my memory. Sure, I totaled my car, but I got to see Bill a lot (and at that point he wasn't a smarmy asshole. Oh wait, the girl's the asshole! That's mean... but true) and I had fun with my friends. Maybe it was the stress of graduating and not knowing what I wanted to do? I have no clue.
2. HOW did I ever think that at that point in my life I was fat? I remember getting on the scale shortly before Christmas break and freaking out because I was getting close to that point where I'm not comfortable weighing that much. You know, we all have that weight. For some people it's 115 pounds. I hate those people. Anyway, I turned to Jen and said, "Jen, if I ever weigh XYZ again, I don't know what I'll do!" Lo and behold, shortly after Christmas I weighed myself again, and I weighed XYZ. Of course, now I weigh much more than that.
I just don't get it. From the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year, I held steady. Then from the middle of senior year until last August I held basically steady. And then this year I've been creeping up slowly, with little dips here and there. I'm reading this book called Health at Every Size and one of the arguments the author makes is that everyone has a setpoint for their weight. Basically it's what you naturally weigh when you're not trying to lose weight. I'm trying to convince myself that my setpoint is that weight I had from the middle of junior year until the middle of senior year. Once my crash diet/unintentional starvation from marching band season of junior year ended, I didn't try to lose weight. I just ate when I was hungry. I didn't work out. I just lived. In fact, I didn't start going to the RecPlex on a regular basis until the summer after senior year and it never really helped. I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose any either. I'm just hoping that once I get back on a campus where I'm forced to move myself without a car and I can cook my own food and not buy crappy food, I'll get back to where I'm supposed to be. I mean, I get all of the reasons the author says regarding why it's actually negative to force yourself to try to lose weight, but she's also operating under the assumption that the weight you're at now is because of regular exercise and eating a healthy and balanced diet. In my case, it's totally not. Don't get me wrong, my mom tries. But when you live in a household where the food is determined on what your father will and can eat, and he refuses to eat most fruits and vegetables, it's limited. Also, the constant supply of cookies is awful. I bet all of you would be shocked (and horrified) if you looked in our pantry. We always have at least 3 types of cookies on hand because between my dad, brother, and usually my mom, there just has to be cookies. When I first moved back home, I ate them a lot more often, and always in amounts of threes. Then I realized that they weren't even filling, and quite honestly, store-bought cookies taste awful. If I'm going to eat a sugar packed cookie, I'm going to eat a good sugar packed cookie and eat something freshly baked, not packed with preservatives. Now, I rarely eat them, and I've started skipping an afternoon snack, or if I do have something, I eat just one cookie instead of three. And I never eat a snack before bed. I just have a glass of milk with my (now numerous) medicine.
Speaking of bed, I'm exhausted. I haven't driven that far in one day in a very long time and I have a full day of unpacking and repacking tomorrow. There was positive stuff, I swear, but it's going to have to wait for another day.
One last thing. I want to take this opportunity to remind you that you only get one opportunity to make a good first impression. For example, when you meet your girlfriend's lifelong best friends at a party for the first time and you spend most of the evening sitting there with your arms crossed, refusing to talk to anyone and being generally rude, they're going to remember you as "Grumpy Bill" even eight months later. So in short, don't be a jerk.
~ Christine
Monday, May 24, 2010
sha-la-la
Salut!
I woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a bus. First, I was up past 2 AM last night, for a variety of reasons, but partially because my room felt like a pressure cooker. And since I had to drive Puggle to school this morning and then I cleaned my grandma's house, I was up at 7:30 this morning. Not good. Plus, my super fantastic workout from yesterday is now my super OWWWWWIE for today. My legs hurt, especially my knees, and my shoulders hurt where my angels wings should be... har har. And then I had to vacuum all three floors of my grandma's house, including her basement. Have you ever vacuumed concrete? I HAVE. Why? Because my aunt's dogs will care if the basement floor is clean before they go downstairs. Right.
It's amazing to me how quickly your own problems can become incredibly insignificant. It seems like whenever I'm all, "OMG EFF MY LIFEEEEEE! PPL SUUUUUUUCK!!! UGHHHHHH!!" then Life comes along and is like, "SUCK ON THIS! MWHAHAHAHA! A PLAGUE UPON YOUR HOUUUUUUUSE!"
(I would like to take this opportunity to mention that the winds have shifted today, and since the Budweiser brewery is northeast of my house, I can now smell hops verrrrrrry well, and I have been able to since approximately 3:30 PM this afternoon).
I am Chandler Bing. When things get uncomfortable, I make inappropriate jokes. Don't believe me? See above.
I would also like to mention that thanks to a certain Facebook status by a certain bestie of mine, I am now TERRIFIED to watch last night's episode of Army Wives. I don't want to cryyyyyy!
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Tomorrow is my brother's 20th birthday (Happy B-day Mikey!) so I will be having a celebratory dinner with my family and I will not be watching NCIS or Glee when they air. IF YOU TEXT ME AND SPOIL SOMETHING ABOUT EITHER SHOW BEFORE I WATCH IT, YOU CAN EXPECT TO BE TARRED AND FEATHERED WHILE CATHOLIC SCHOOLCHILDREN WILL BE FORCED TO WATCH (why? because I once was one of those clad in plaid pipsqueaks).
Yeah, I don't really know where this entry is going. Sorr about the bag. (+1,000,000 Cool Points to you if you know what that's from. And no, it's not a movie.)
~ Christine
Sunday, May 23, 2010
proper hydration is the key to successful blogging
I don't feel good. I've been alternating all day between being very stressed out and very calm, and I think that in combination with the heat has finally made me ill. Really, I think I'm just very dehydrated, but I'm pretty sure that today's emotional rollercoaster caused part of that... like causing me to forget to drink water. Plus, I'm really tired this evening. I wasn't, until after dinner.
In other news, I have my workout regimen down to a T. I bike for 30 minutes on the "Random Hill" setting, then I have 2 minutes of cool down (forced upon me by the bike), and finally I row 2000 meters. I tried it today, and I think I like it. The rowing hurts my ankles a little bit when I'm all scrunched up (that's the technical term for it...) but it's a good hurt, and today was the first time I've rowed in a very long time, and it took me 13:06.6 to row that far, so it's not like it's a really long distance. Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to 5000 meters. I've gotten a lot faster on the bike too... I'm now biking as far as it took me to bike in 44 minutes back in the fall (about 11.5 miles, for anyone who cares). I'm still fat as a whale, but that's from lack of consistency. It seems like every time I start to get into an exercise routine, something comes along and gets in the way. Either a trip, or an injury, or a job... but I'm hoping to make the most of this time before the Western Trip in a couple of weeks.
Speaking of, I'm pretty bummed because I don't think I'll be able to do the Western Trip next summer. One of my friends from grade school/high school is getting married, and my cousin is getting married. Actually, they're getting married on the same day. What are the odds...
I had an epiphany last night. I realized that I had been really, really wrong. For anyone who doesn't know me well, this is a BIG deal. Ask anyone in my family, my friends, or any previous roommate of mine and they will tell you: I believe I am right. Always. So for me to realize that I was wrong ON MY OWN without being told by someone else, "Hey dumbass, you're wrong," is a huge step for me. And not only that, but I admitted that I was wrong to whom it mattered. Another very big step for me! This was two giant steps out on a very thin little tree branch, and it scared the hell out of me. Anyway, my big steps basically went unacknowledged, and I know I shouldn't make such a big deal over it, but it's me, so I am.
Yup. This is all you're getting for today because I feel like crap.
~ Christine
In other news, I have my workout regimen down to a T. I bike for 30 minutes on the "Random Hill" setting, then I have 2 minutes of cool down (forced upon me by the bike), and finally I row 2000 meters. I tried it today, and I think I like it. The rowing hurts my ankles a little bit when I'm all scrunched up (that's the technical term for it...) but it's a good hurt, and today was the first time I've rowed in a very long time, and it took me 13:06.6 to row that far, so it's not like it's a really long distance. Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to 5000 meters. I've gotten a lot faster on the bike too... I'm now biking as far as it took me to bike in 44 minutes back in the fall (about 11.5 miles, for anyone who cares). I'm still fat as a whale, but that's from lack of consistency. It seems like every time I start to get into an exercise routine, something comes along and gets in the way. Either a trip, or an injury, or a job... but I'm hoping to make the most of this time before the Western Trip in a couple of weeks.
Speaking of, I'm pretty bummed because I don't think I'll be able to do the Western Trip next summer. One of my friends from grade school/high school is getting married, and my cousin is getting married. Actually, they're getting married on the same day. What are the odds...
I had an epiphany last night. I realized that I had been really, really wrong. For anyone who doesn't know me well, this is a BIG deal. Ask anyone in my family, my friends, or any previous roommate of mine and they will tell you: I believe I am right. Always. So for me to realize that I was wrong ON MY OWN without being told by someone else, "Hey dumbass, you're wrong," is a huge step for me. And not only that, but I admitted that I was wrong to whom it mattered. Another very big step for me! This was two giant steps out on a very thin little tree branch, and it scared the hell out of me. Anyway, my big steps basically went unacknowledged, and I know I shouldn't make such a big deal over it, but it's me, so I am.
Yup. This is all you're getting for today because I feel like crap.
~ Christine
Saturday, May 22, 2010
this one's has a healthy dose of snark in it...
Hola!
Happy Saturday! Actually, that's a bit of a lie, but just a little bit. Today was a decent day, until I went shopping. I hate shopping sometimes, and today was one of those times. First of all, the mall on a Saturday is a breeding ground for idiots that I just don't have the patience for AT ALL. So the stupid people annoyed me, plus I was clothes shopping for summer/the Western Trip, and that was just a stressful and traumatic experience. If it was socially acceptable for me to do so, I would be perfectly comfortable wearing old athletic shorts and t-shirts wherever I went, at least until I lose some weight. But it's not, so I had to buy clothes. Also, I bought a swimsuit for the first time in four years. Let me tell you, it's hard to find a one piece swimsuit that doesn't make you look like a middle aged woman from the early 90's. Do the fashion people just not update their one piece swimsuit repertoire EVER? There was gaudy colors, gaudy colors, and my personal favorite, the swim skirt. NO THANK YOU. Thankfully, I grabbed the one and only swimsuit that didn't look completely horrible, tried it on, and it fit as well as a swimsuit will fit someone who wishes she could have as many plastic surgeries as Heidi Montag.
After that lovely experience, my morale for the day was basically shot. Mass pissed me off today to. If your child can't shut the hell up, then take them out, or put them in a cage. I don't really give a damn, but don't cause more noise! Also, I realize that the evening Mass is supposed to be modern music or whatever, but it SUCKS. If you're going to have two flutes playing together, TUNE THEM.
Oh, and on my day of complete and awful horribleness that was Thursday, I apparently stressed myself out so much that I chomped down on my tongue multiple times without realizing it. So now I have lots of little cuts all over my tongue. Do you know what's painful to eat/drink when you have cuts on your tongue? Communion, Chips Ahoy cookies, spaghetti (it's really the sauce that got me), chicken sandwiches, pickles, orange juice, pizza, breadsticks, basically anything with salt, flavor, or anything that's slightly crunchy. So now I'm on a regimen of frequent rinsing my mouth with mouthwash, and it seems to be helping a little. This was not the best time for this. Although I supposed the Western trip would be worse, this sucks too. But I have graduation foods to be eating in the upcoming week! Mmmm... I love graduation cake! And since Mike's birthday is Tuesday, we are going to be having cake coming out of our ying yangs. All in all, we have 2 1/4 sheet cakes coming into our house in the next week. Marie Antoinette would have a field day.
Dammit, I'm hungry now. Anyway, I spent part of last night and a little bit this evening researching songs from The Sims 3. DO NOT JUDGE ME. If you're unfamiliar with the game, your little Simmies can have radios, and in TS3 they can even have a favorite genre of music (I usually pick electronic or indie). In the options for the game, you can listen to samples of the music that your Sims listen to (in Simlish, which is their made-up language). As it turns out, a lot of the music they use is by real musical artists who are usually up and comers, and they have English (or in Nelly Furtado's case, Spanish) versions of their songs that are included in the game. So I bought a bunch of them on iTunes. There's also 7 songs that come with the game in the "Custom Music" station, and they're already in English. There's a way to extract those songs out for free (I forget how), but the other ones you can't. Anyway, this is the playlist I've created:
I can't decide which one I like more... it's like choosing your favorite child (pick me, Mom!). So you tell me, which NAUGHTY HAIKU you like more!
Fin.
~Christine
Happy Saturday! Actually, that's a bit of a lie, but just a little bit. Today was a decent day, until I went shopping. I hate shopping sometimes, and today was one of those times. First of all, the mall on a Saturday is a breeding ground for idiots that I just don't have the patience for AT ALL. So the stupid people annoyed me, plus I was clothes shopping for summer/the Western Trip, and that was just a stressful and traumatic experience. If it was socially acceptable for me to do so, I would be perfectly comfortable wearing old athletic shorts and t-shirts wherever I went, at least until I lose some weight. But it's not, so I had to buy clothes. Also, I bought a swimsuit for the first time in four years. Let me tell you, it's hard to find a one piece swimsuit that doesn't make you look like a middle aged woman from the early 90's. Do the fashion people just not update their one piece swimsuit repertoire EVER? There was gaudy colors, gaudy colors, and my personal favorite, the swim skirt. NO THANK YOU. Thankfully, I grabbed the one and only swimsuit that didn't look completely horrible, tried it on, and it fit as well as a swimsuit will fit someone who wishes she could have as many plastic surgeries as Heidi Montag.
After that lovely experience, my morale for the day was basically shot. Mass pissed me off today to. If your child can't shut the hell up, then take them out, or put them in a cage. I don't really give a damn, but don't cause more noise! Also, I realize that the evening Mass is supposed to be modern music or whatever, but it SUCKS. If you're going to have two flutes playing together, TUNE THEM.
Oh, and on my day of complete and awful horribleness that was Thursday, I apparently stressed myself out so much that I chomped down on my tongue multiple times without realizing it. So now I have lots of little cuts all over my tongue. Do you know what's painful to eat/drink when you have cuts on your tongue? Communion, Chips Ahoy cookies, spaghetti (it's really the sauce that got me), chicken sandwiches, pickles, orange juice, pizza, breadsticks, basically anything with salt, flavor, or anything that's slightly crunchy. So now I'm on a regimen of frequent rinsing my mouth with mouthwash, and it seems to be helping a little. This was not the best time for this. Although I supposed the Western trip would be worse, this sucks too. But I have graduation foods to be eating in the upcoming week! Mmmm... I love graduation cake! And since Mike's birthday is Tuesday, we are going to be having cake coming out of our ying yangs. All in all, we have 2 1/4 sheet cakes coming into our house in the next week. Marie Antoinette would have a field day.
Dammit, I'm hungry now. Anyway, I spent part of last night and a little bit this evening researching songs from The Sims 3. DO NOT JUDGE ME. If you're unfamiliar with the game, your little Simmies can have radios, and in TS3 they can even have a favorite genre of music (I usually pick electronic or indie). In the options for the game, you can listen to samples of the music that your Sims listen to (in Simlish, which is their made-up language). As it turns out, a lot of the music they use is by real musical artists who are usually up and comers, and they have English (or in Nelly Furtado's case, Spanish) versions of their songs that are included in the game. So I bought a bunch of them on iTunes. There's also 7 songs that come with the game in the "Custom Music" station, and they're already in English. There's a way to extract those songs out for free (I forget how), but the other ones you can't. Anyway, this is the playlist I've created:
I know it sounds weird, but it's actually a really good mix of music. Obviously, not everything from the game is available to buy, and there were a couple of things in the pop genre that I didn't want to waste my money on, but I really like everything I bought. So yay for new music!
I have a special treat for all of you today... a double dose of NAUGHTY HAIKU! I didn't feel like taking a picture of my filing cabinet, so I used the virtual poetry maker on magneticpoetry.com instead. Voila!
Fin.
~Christine
Friday, May 21, 2010
I blame the rain for this one...
Today has just been random, so that's how this entry is going to go: randomly.
- I have burned my tongue somehow in the last 24 hours or so. I don't remember burning it, or possibly biting it very hard, but since after dinner last night, it's felt funny. Like how when you burn your tongue on a hot drink, there's that weird smooth spot where you've burned off some taste buds. It's not a good feeling, and it hurts. I blame the chicken... mostly because I have nothing else to blame.
- I worked out this morning for the first time since I started my now old job. It felt GOOD. First of all, I woke up very angry this morning because I realized that all of the apologetic feelings I had yesterday are complete bullshit. So what did I do? I biked my ass off, figuratively and hopefully literally. I love biking when I'm really pissed off at the world. Almost as much as I love blasting Linkin Park on my car stereo when it's sunny AND I'm pissed off at the world.
- Speaking of la voiture, the nice people at Firestone called this afternoon with good news! They were able to fix my car by giving me an oil change and using a heavier oil (a 10 something versus a 5 something) and that was enough to not trip the low oil pressure detector thing in my car. Apparently even with the old oil in, it wasn't actually low enough to cause problems, but it was lower. So they gave me the oil change for free since it was related to a previous problem they had supposedly fixed, and then they noticed that I needed new wiper blades, so they installed a new pair. All in all, I got a repaired car, an oil change, and new wiper blades for $32! It was a very good day. Now I just need to get the paint chip issue fixed.
- I felt like purging again today, so I uninstalled all of my The Sims 3 games and custom content and then reinstalled the game. Now I have no saved families, no custom content, and I freed up a lot of space on my hard drive. It's hard once you install custom content to tell if it's something you're going to really use a lot or not. And even then, it's almost impossible to go back and find the correct files if it's something you don't want. I've had the game for almost a year, so I thought it was a good time for this.
- I miss last summer in a very weird way. I hated the last bit of it, but in a lot of ways, I liked it. I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted (unless I had class or work). But I didn't have to say where I was going or for how long. And I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. I miss my green tea and my Diet V8 Splash! And my multigrain bread! Mmmm... tasty!
- I am a human emotional yo-yo. Part of me is like this: "FIND A GOOD MAN. FALL IN LOVE. GET MARRIED. MAKE BABIES. RAISE CHILDREN. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."
And the other part of me is like this: "GET YOUR MASTER'S. MOVE TO D.C. BECOME AN AWESOME LIBRARIAN IN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. FIND A GOOD MAN WHO ISN'T INTIMIDATED BY YOUR OBVIOUS INTELLECTUAL PROWESS. IGNORE HIM FOR YOUR JOB. MAKE HIM FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU IGNORED HIM. GET MARRIED. KEEP WORKING. HAVE ONE CHILD WHEN YOU'RE APPROACHING 40. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."
I know, obviously one of these sounds more fun than the other. But I have a very strong maternal instinct, and although I love learning and being viewed as an intelligent human being, I want to be a mom, and I want to be a mom at a young enough age to have the energy to deal with kids. I wish that I could do everything, or that I could hit a pause button on the progression of time so that I wouldn't have to stress over not being able to do everything. I am all about equality, but this is just one of those things that guys will never have to deal with, and I hate them for that. I hate that if I want to find a husband, I have to do it when I'm young and pretty, because no one wants an older woman. Cougar material I am not. But guys can wait until they're 40 because even then they'll still be able to snag some ho-bag of a 22 year-old coed. It's horribly unfair.
Unfortunately, since I have no man at my side, my decision's been made for me. It just scares me that there are gorgeous, intelligent, young women who aren't much older than me who aren't even dating, let alone finding the man of their dreams. What if I never get married? Scoff if you want, but I don't want to die alone. I know I have my "My Best Friend's Wedding" pact with Phil, but marrying your gay best friend is very different than marrying your best friend who you love. I want the latter. I keep trying to force myself into a situation where I date someone and then I try to make them my best friend, but it doesn't work that way. You're supposed to want to be around that person the majority of the time. Where is my person?
~Christine
- I have burned my tongue somehow in the last 24 hours or so. I don't remember burning it, or possibly biting it very hard, but since after dinner last night, it's felt funny. Like how when you burn your tongue on a hot drink, there's that weird smooth spot where you've burned off some taste buds. It's not a good feeling, and it hurts. I blame the chicken... mostly because I have nothing else to blame.
- I worked out this morning for the first time since I started my now old job. It felt GOOD. First of all, I woke up very angry this morning because I realized that all of the apologetic feelings I had yesterday are complete bullshit. So what did I do? I biked my ass off, figuratively and hopefully literally. I love biking when I'm really pissed off at the world. Almost as much as I love blasting Linkin Park on my car stereo when it's sunny AND I'm pissed off at the world.
- Speaking of la voiture, the nice people at Firestone called this afternoon with good news! They were able to fix my car by giving me an oil change and using a heavier oil (a 10 something versus a 5 something) and that was enough to not trip the low oil pressure detector thing in my car. Apparently even with the old oil in, it wasn't actually low enough to cause problems, but it was lower. So they gave me the oil change for free since it was related to a previous problem they had supposedly fixed, and then they noticed that I needed new wiper blades, so they installed a new pair. All in all, I got a repaired car, an oil change, and new wiper blades for $32! It was a very good day. Now I just need to get the paint chip issue fixed.
- I felt like purging again today, so I uninstalled all of my The Sims 3 games and custom content and then reinstalled the game. Now I have no saved families, no custom content, and I freed up a lot of space on my hard drive. It's hard once you install custom content to tell if it's something you're going to really use a lot or not. And even then, it's almost impossible to go back and find the correct files if it's something you don't want. I've had the game for almost a year, so I thought it was a good time for this.
- I miss last summer in a very weird way. I hated the last bit of it, but in a lot of ways, I liked it. I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted (unless I had class or work). But I didn't have to say where I was going or for how long. And I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. I miss my green tea and my Diet V8 Splash! And my multigrain bread! Mmmm... tasty!
- I am a human emotional yo-yo. Part of me is like this: "FIND A GOOD MAN. FALL IN LOVE. GET MARRIED. MAKE BABIES. RAISE CHILDREN. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."
And the other part of me is like this: "GET YOUR MASTER'S. MOVE TO D.C. BECOME AN AWESOME LIBRARIAN IN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. FIND A GOOD MAN WHO ISN'T INTIMIDATED BY YOUR OBVIOUS INTELLECTUAL PROWESS. IGNORE HIM FOR YOUR JOB. MAKE HIM FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU IGNORED HIM. GET MARRIED. KEEP WORKING. HAVE ONE CHILD WHEN YOU'RE APPROACHING 40. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."
I know, obviously one of these sounds more fun than the other. But I have a very strong maternal instinct, and although I love learning and being viewed as an intelligent human being, I want to be a mom, and I want to be a mom at a young enough age to have the energy to deal with kids. I wish that I could do everything, or that I could hit a pause button on the progression of time so that I wouldn't have to stress over not being able to do everything. I am all about equality, but this is just one of those things that guys will never have to deal with, and I hate them for that. I hate that if I want to find a husband, I have to do it when I'm young and pretty, because no one wants an older woman. Cougar material I am not. But guys can wait until they're 40 because even then they'll still be able to snag some ho-bag of a 22 year-old coed. It's horribly unfair.
Unfortunately, since I have no man at my side, my decision's been made for me. It just scares me that there are gorgeous, intelligent, young women who aren't much older than me who aren't even dating, let alone finding the man of their dreams. What if I never get married? Scoff if you want, but I don't want to die alone. I know I have my "My Best Friend's Wedding" pact with Phil, but marrying your gay best friend is very different than marrying your best friend who you love. I want the latter. I keep trying to force myself into a situation where I date someone and then I try to make them my best friend, but it doesn't work that way. You're supposed to want to be around that person the majority of the time. Where is my person?
~Christine
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
is there anybody going to listen to my story?
*in Ross Gellar voice* ... Hi.
It's been one of those days where I'm just in a funk. Even though it's Cinco de Mayo, which is loosely translated as "Pretend to give a shit about a Mexican holiday and drink margaritas!" Which is precisely why I am struggling a bit to write this. But I love all of y'all and I WILL PERSEVERE DAMMIT! I'm not about to let some Jose Cuervo mess up my plan to blog every day!!
Back to my funk. I hate work. I woke up in a weird mood because of a frightenly realistic dream and that's had me in a bad mood all day. I've been irritable and distracted and it's like PMS but not. I want my job to just be over. I'm working as fast as I can to try to get through this project and NO. WE HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION TO GRADE AFTER THIS ONE. I'm tired of freezing for nothing. Maybe once I get a paycheck I'll feel a little better. I'm really picky about where I work. Kind of a problem.
Today has basically been like "The One Where Ross is Fine" (which is my all-time favorite episode of Friends, BEE TEE DUBS except for maybe the whole section of episodes where Monica and Chandler start doing the nasty and theyre hiding it from every one). ANYWAY... I'm fine, I had margaritas, but not fajitas. I did have a tasty quesdilla.
I'm tired and I have to go battle a zit from propping my head up with my hand al day work. Yes, Seventeen magazine, you're right. I should have listening to you more. Bitch. So far this job has made me zitty, fatty, cold, and cranky. LOSE LOSE SITUATION RIGHT THERE.
Oh right, I was going to post the NAUGHTY HAIKU.
She got all the pretty genes in the family. I'm not even kidding. Sometimes in my mind I refer to Puggle as Christine 2.0. Then again, I bet even Beyoncé would look like a dog next to her sister before her prom. It's a fact of life that when you take pictures with someone before a formal and you're not dressed formally, you look like a homeless man living under a bridge.
Right. Off to wage war with my face.
~Christine
It's been one of those days where I'm just in a funk. Even though it's Cinco de Mayo, which is loosely translated as "Pretend to give a shit about a Mexican holiday and drink margaritas!" Which is precisely why I am struggling a bit to write this. But I love all of y'all and I WILL PERSEVERE DAMMIT! I'm not about to let some Jose Cuervo mess up my plan to blog every day!!
Back to my funk. I hate work. I woke up in a weird mood because of a frightenly realistic dream and that's had me in a bad mood all day. I've been irritable and distracted and it's like PMS but not. I want my job to just be over. I'm working as fast as I can to try to get through this project and NO. WE HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION TO GRADE AFTER THIS ONE. I'm tired of freezing for nothing. Maybe once I get a paycheck I'll feel a little better. I'm really picky about where I work. Kind of a problem.
Today has basically been like "The One Where Ross is Fine" (which is my all-time favorite episode of Friends, BEE TEE DUBS except for maybe the whole section of episodes where Monica and Chandler start doing the nasty and theyre hiding it from every one). ANYWAY... I'm fine, I had margaritas, but not fajitas. I did have a tasty quesdilla.
I'm tired and I have to go battle a zit from propping my head up with my hand al day work. Yes, Seventeen magazine, you're right. I should have listening to you more. Bitch. So far this job has made me zitty, fatty, cold, and cranky. LOSE LOSE SITUATION RIGHT THERE.
Oh right, I was going to post the NAUGHTY HAIKU.
Yup, Im back in all my NAUGHTIness.
Oh, here's a pretty picture of Puggle in her dress that I may have promised a few days ago. I don't remember. I made it all color splotty or whatever the eff that technique is called...
She got all the pretty genes in the family. I'm not even kidding. Sometimes in my mind I refer to Puggle as Christine 2.0. Then again, I bet even Beyoncé would look like a dog next to her sister before her prom. It's a fact of life that when you take pictures with someone before a formal and you're not dressed formally, you look like a homeless man living under a bridge.
Right. Off to wage war with my face.
~Christine
Thursday, April 8, 2010
blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol
In the past few days, I've learned something about myself: I'm not very good at being single. It's true. I don't have a lot of experience with it, and when I am single, I'm anxious, drunk, and sexually attracted to guys who are questioning their sexuality. Then I make out with them and they figure out that they're gay. Which, okay, yay for them, but it friggin sucks for me. Anywhoodles, I've spent most of the last week seriously craving alcohol. Yes, I realize this makes me sound like an alkie. I completely remember why I spent so much of my junior year of college drunk. (ha, that's ironic) It wasn't that I turned 21 (although that played a part in it), it was that I was single! I'm not even sure why I want to drink so much as a single lady. All of the dating advice articles I've read advise against being a lush because that's how you get taken advantage, and come on, who actually meets their soul mate when they're about to black out? Maybe it has to do with a freedom issue. My first serious boyfriend wouldn't let me drink if he wasn't there (and people wondered why we had problems...) and even with my most recent ex, I always felt guilty for drinking around him because he wouldn't drink much around me. It does a number to your ego when you're ALWAYS the drunk girl. Maybe I should find my next boyfriend in a bar...
Next topic at hand: ANXIETY! I have been so bored. SO. BORED. So bored that I can actually feel my brain going to mush, which may be why I've been acting like an idiot. Seriously, I am not a good conversationalist right now. It's like talking to a 3 year old on acid. I make no sense, and I often just start laughing spontaneously. I've always been a smidge wacky, but the level of wacky is getting worse. I need to get out of my house, and not just to go babysit 3 year olds. It's kinda sucky. I was pretty anti-social this fall, and now I have the urge to be super social. But a lot of my friends are in school, or have jobs that are more than just a few hours a week. But I have this need to be entertained constantly. I also really want to travel again, even though I haven't even been home for two weeks. In a fight or flight situation, I am most definitely a flight kinda girl.
And onto my last issue: being sexually attracted to guys who are questioning their own sexuality. Luckily, this has not happened this time around. Probably only because all of the guys I know have figured themselves out now. Hip hip hooray. But I need make out buddies for when I'm drunk and anxious! How else am I supposed to cope with this whole single business? I should probably channel my sexual frustrations, anxiety, and love of alcohol into something productive, like working out. But let's get real. I won't. I know me too well. I am a hot mess.
~Christine
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Rosie... or Ross?
Tonight I had three choices. I could either:
A. Continue my latest family on The Sims 3. I'm running an experiment of sorts where I let the family do whatever they want. I don't tell them to do a single thing, unless plumbing needs to be fixed. Other than that, they do what they want.
B. Watch the special features on my brand new (to me) season 1 of NCIS DVD!
C. Blog because I'm a lazy bitch who fails to update on a regular basis.
Since you're reading this, I obviously chose C. But after I'm done, I'm probably going to watch NCIS. And I didn't have time to get into TS3 tonight by the time I got off the phone with Bill, fed my fake fish on Facebook, and Twitter-stalked. I have to get up early (for me) tomorrow, so I can't be up super late tonight. Womp womp.
For anyone who cares to know, my medical issues are better and probably not as bad as I thought initially so yay! Still broke, still not really sure how I'm going to afford everything, but I'm starting to calm down a little. Except that my heart palpitations have started AGAIN. I've had them on and off since my freshman year of high school, and they get worse when I'm stressed. Except that as I pointed out to my mom earlier, I'm far less stressed now than I was a couple of weeks ago. Being snowed in with your boyfriend will do that to you. And my blood pressure was a little high at the doctor's office today, but I'm chalking that up to nerves. But I'm happy now, I swear!
Let's see... I was going to nag you all to ask me questions on the widget to the right, but I logged on and apparently the website is undergoing maintenance right now. Whatevs. It'll be up again by the time you read this, I bet you a pickle.
Um, I realize that the whole black background/white letter thing is hard to read, but I'm too lazy to change the colors on everything. I guess I'm weird because I would rather see a dark screen with light letters. The fanfiction I write for (sometimes...) has an option to change how you see the text in stories and I always switch it to the dark background setting when I'm reading. Like I said, I'm weird. But I'm weird with better than perfect vision, so I must be doing something right!
In other news, it would appear that Rosie the rabbit has grown a penis. She didn't have one a few weeks ago, and now she does. She's very sexually attracted to arms, specifically my mom's and mine. (S)he also likes ALL of Mike, to the point where (s)he bit his nipple last week. Anywho, through all her desperate and futile humping, we've been able to see that yes, Rosie has what appears to be a rabbit penis. I guarantee you that it wasn't there a few weeks ago the last time she was in heat. Can rabbits do that? The vet even said that she was a girl last June when she was sicklies. So she's going back to the vet to have a checkup and get her nails done (so that when she latches onto us for her humping sesh, we don't bleed anymore) and hopefully we can have a gender check done again. I legitimately feel bad for her/him. I wonder what she thinks she's getting out of this. Obviously we are not bunnies with opposite parts, so she must realize that she's not getting any jollies today. I've heard that dogs hump to show dominance, but Rosie's humping doesn't sound like a dominance noise. Normally domination doesn't involve moaning. Well, maybe it does. But not always. And seriously, if the rabbit hasn't figured out yet that we are at her every beck and call, she never will. To say that Rosie is spoiled rotten is a giant understatement. She's a rabbit and she got almost as many Christmas presents as I did. Maybe we should have gotten her a little dominatrix outfit.
I joined Weight Watchers (again) last Wednesday! So far, so good. In fact, in my first week I've lost 5.6 pounds. Normally losing that much weight in one week isn't healthy, but because I'm just starting out, it's normal. I really hope that I can make some good changes this time around because I'm kind of tired of being a fatass.
Yup, that's all I have. Honestly I've been thinking about watching NCIS this whole time and now I completely forget all of the quirky things I was going to write about. Damn.
~Christine
A. Continue my latest family on The Sims 3. I'm running an experiment of sorts where I let the family do whatever they want. I don't tell them to do a single thing, unless plumbing needs to be fixed. Other than that, they do what they want.
B. Watch the special features on my brand new (to me) season 1 of NCIS DVD!
C. Blog because I'm a lazy bitch who fails to update on a regular basis.
Since you're reading this, I obviously chose C. But after I'm done, I'm probably going to watch NCIS. And I didn't have time to get into TS3 tonight by the time I got off the phone with Bill, fed my fake fish on Facebook, and Twitter-stalked. I have to get up early (for me) tomorrow, so I can't be up super late tonight. Womp womp.
For anyone who cares to know, my medical issues are better and probably not as bad as I thought initially so yay! Still broke, still not really sure how I'm going to afford everything, but I'm starting to calm down a little. Except that my heart palpitations have started AGAIN. I've had them on and off since my freshman year of high school, and they get worse when I'm stressed. Except that as I pointed out to my mom earlier, I'm far less stressed now than I was a couple of weeks ago. Being snowed in with your boyfriend will do that to you. And my blood pressure was a little high at the doctor's office today, but I'm chalking that up to nerves. But I'm happy now, I swear!
Let's see... I was going to nag you all to ask me questions on the widget to the right, but I logged on and apparently the website is undergoing maintenance right now. Whatevs. It'll be up again by the time you read this, I bet you a pickle.
Um, I realize that the whole black background/white letter thing is hard to read, but I'm too lazy to change the colors on everything. I guess I'm weird because I would rather see a dark screen with light letters. The fanfiction I write for (sometimes...) has an option to change how you see the text in stories and I always switch it to the dark background setting when I'm reading. Like I said, I'm weird. But I'm weird with better than perfect vision, so I must be doing something right!
In other news, it would appear that Rosie the rabbit has grown a penis. She didn't have one a few weeks ago, and now she does. She's very sexually attracted to arms, specifically my mom's and mine. (S)he also likes ALL of Mike, to the point where (s)he bit his nipple last week. Anywho, through all her desperate and futile humping, we've been able to see that yes, Rosie has what appears to be a rabbit penis. I guarantee you that it wasn't there a few weeks ago the last time she was in heat. Can rabbits do that? The vet even said that she was a girl last June when she was sicklies. So she's going back to the vet to have a checkup and get her nails done (so that when she latches onto us for her humping sesh, we don't bleed anymore) and hopefully we can have a gender check done again. I legitimately feel bad for her/him. I wonder what she thinks she's getting out of this. Obviously we are not bunnies with opposite parts, so she must realize that she's not getting any jollies today. I've heard that dogs hump to show dominance, but Rosie's humping doesn't sound like a dominance noise. Normally domination doesn't involve moaning. Well, maybe it does. But not always. And seriously, if the rabbit hasn't figured out yet that we are at her every beck and call, she never will. To say that Rosie is spoiled rotten is a giant understatement. She's a rabbit and she got almost as many Christmas presents as I did. Maybe we should have gotten her a little dominatrix outfit.
I joined Weight Watchers (again) last Wednesday! So far, so good. In fact, in my first week I've lost 5.6 pounds. Normally losing that much weight in one week isn't healthy, but because I'm just starting out, it's normal. I really hope that I can make some good changes this time around because I'm kind of tired of being a fatass.
Yup, that's all I have. Honestly I've been thinking about watching NCIS this whole time and now I completely forget all of the quirky things I was going to write about. Damn.
~Christine
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I get by with a little help from my friends
Hi.
I've been a bad blogger. Honestly, I haven't had anything to write about. I could write about some of my babysitting adventures, but I haven't had a sit since last Friday. I realized today when I went to pick up Katie at school that I hadn't left the house since I got home from babysitting last Friday. Yeah. That's five days without leaving the house. I didn't even make it to Mass. And the scary part is that it didn't phase me at all. I guess when I want to leave, I want to go somewhere fantastic, which isn't Worthington, Ohio in early February. Oh well. I have a job again tomorrow morning. For the first time a family actually requested me! It's like I've made it to the other side. Too bad it's at 8:30 in the morning and it's half an hour away when it isn't rush hour traffic. But it's money, and I need money, I guess. Sometimes I wish bartering was still around. Like, here grad school, take this chicken as payment! Here you go evil student loan people, I have about 262,384,049 articles of clothing that don't fit and my sister has deemed 'uncool'!
This had a point, I promise.
Actually, who am I kidding? There's no point to this. I contemplated for about half a second making a productive entry about my favorite black people (because let's face it, sometimes I just want to join the club!) but in the end, that just seems like too much work and I want to be asleep before midnight so I don't show angry Christine to the kiddies tomorrow.
I really should get in the practice of waking up early again. But when you can't get to sleep until 2:30 AM, it's very hard. Last summer, I woke up at 10 if I worked at noon, and if I worked at 8 AM, I woke up at 7 and ate breakfast at work. Then when I moved home, I was waking up at about 9. But gradually 9 became 9:30 and today it wasn't until 10 that I could drag my sorry ass out of bed. My mom I guess woke me up, reminded me to get up, took a shower, checked on me again, and I had fallen back asleep. And last night was an early bedtime of 1:30! Also, it's hard for me to sleep now without listening to the thunderstorm track I have on my iTunes. Yup, I'm cool.
I know what I can do to make this productive! I'm going to make a list of the people I will need to employ if I want to fix everything that is wrong in my life!
Christine's List of "Special Helpers"
1. Personal Trainer - Yes, while I did in fact lose one whole pound this week (no clue how), I still have about a million pounds to go until I like myself again. And I don't think I'm fat enough to go on The Biggest Loser.
2. Professional Organizer - While I can maintain an organized space, organizing 11 years of crap is not something I can do. I'm not even sure what exactly is on one side of my closet because I haven't been able to get to it since before I went to college. Plus I bet my parents would love to be able to park their van in the garage again.
3. Therapist - I'm totally not past that mental breakdown point. I just cry now. Half the time I'm not even sure why. And while it's not just me in my family, I am probably one of the bigger culprits of acting insane. By insane I mean that I go from being ridonkulous to sobbing in 2.5 seconds. Methinks there's an issue here.
4. Life Coach - So I know now that I want to be a librarian, but I still feel like I need a little bit of guidance in this department. Basically I've lost the ability to have any confidence in the decisions I make, and I need CONSTANT reassurance that I made the right choice. Let's face it, so far my track record hasn't been great. I picked a major based on an activity I enjoyed in high school and a preconcieved notion that I would oust Mr. Renzi of a job. Then I dated the same guy for entirely too long because I was afraid that my family would be mad at me after dumping him a second time (because I distinctly remember them being upset with me after dumping him the first time). So if someone could help me see what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, that would be great. Maybe I could take up crafts, just like Paris Gellar.
5. Stylist - I can't buy clothes for myself. There. I said it. I can pick out clothes for other people with no problem, but when it comes to myself, I always resort to the same old tired looks. I have zero creativity in my outfits. Also, I don't do much with my hair. I now consider it to be an effort if I have to blow dry it all the way, so I just do a half-assed job. Sometimes I'll straighten it. If I'm feeling spunky. Perhaps the stylist and the professional organizer can team up and help me get rid of all of the crappy clothes/shoes I've accumulated through the years.
I suppose that finding a sugar daddy should also be on this list so I can pay for all these people, but I have a funny feeling that Ms. Life Coach wouldnt' approve.
~Christine
I've been a bad blogger. Honestly, I haven't had anything to write about. I could write about some of my babysitting adventures, but I haven't had a sit since last Friday. I realized today when I went to pick up Katie at school that I hadn't left the house since I got home from babysitting last Friday. Yeah. That's five days without leaving the house. I didn't even make it to Mass. And the scary part is that it didn't phase me at all. I guess when I want to leave, I want to go somewhere fantastic, which isn't Worthington, Ohio in early February. Oh well. I have a job again tomorrow morning. For the first time a family actually requested me! It's like I've made it to the other side. Too bad it's at 8:30 in the morning and it's half an hour away when it isn't rush hour traffic. But it's money, and I need money, I guess. Sometimes I wish bartering was still around. Like, here grad school, take this chicken as payment! Here you go evil student loan people, I have about 262,384,049 articles of clothing that don't fit and my sister has deemed 'uncool'!
This had a point, I promise.
Actually, who am I kidding? There's no point to this. I contemplated for about half a second making a productive entry about my favorite black people (because let's face it, sometimes I just want to join the club!) but in the end, that just seems like too much work and I want to be asleep before midnight so I don't show angry Christine to the kiddies tomorrow.
I really should get in the practice of waking up early again. But when you can't get to sleep until 2:30 AM, it's very hard. Last summer, I woke up at 10 if I worked at noon, and if I worked at 8 AM, I woke up at 7 and ate breakfast at work. Then when I moved home, I was waking up at about 9. But gradually 9 became 9:30 and today it wasn't until 10 that I could drag my sorry ass out of bed. My mom I guess woke me up, reminded me to get up, took a shower, checked on me again, and I had fallen back asleep. And last night was an early bedtime of 1:30! Also, it's hard for me to sleep now without listening to the thunderstorm track I have on my iTunes. Yup, I'm cool.
I know what I can do to make this productive! I'm going to make a list of the people I will need to employ if I want to fix everything that is wrong in my life!
Christine's List of "Special Helpers"
1. Personal Trainer - Yes, while I did in fact lose one whole pound this week (no clue how), I still have about a million pounds to go until I like myself again. And I don't think I'm fat enough to go on The Biggest Loser.
2. Professional Organizer - While I can maintain an organized space, organizing 11 years of crap is not something I can do. I'm not even sure what exactly is on one side of my closet because I haven't been able to get to it since before I went to college. Plus I bet my parents would love to be able to park their van in the garage again.
3. Therapist - I'm totally not past that mental breakdown point. I just cry now. Half the time I'm not even sure why. And while it's not just me in my family, I am probably one of the bigger culprits of acting insane. By insane I mean that I go from being ridonkulous to sobbing in 2.5 seconds. Methinks there's an issue here.
4. Life Coach - So I know now that I want to be a librarian, but I still feel like I need a little bit of guidance in this department. Basically I've lost the ability to have any confidence in the decisions I make, and I need CONSTANT reassurance that I made the right choice. Let's face it, so far my track record hasn't been great. I picked a major based on an activity I enjoyed in high school and a preconcieved notion that I would oust Mr. Renzi of a job. Then I dated the same guy for entirely too long because I was afraid that my family would be mad at me after dumping him a second time (because I distinctly remember them being upset with me after dumping him the first time). So if someone could help me see what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, that would be great. Maybe I could take up crafts, just like Paris Gellar.
5. Stylist - I can't buy clothes for myself. There. I said it. I can pick out clothes for other people with no problem, but when it comes to myself, I always resort to the same old tired looks. I have zero creativity in my outfits. Also, I don't do much with my hair. I now consider it to be an effort if I have to blow dry it all the way, so I just do a half-assed job. Sometimes I'll straighten it. If I'm feeling spunky. Perhaps the stylist and the professional organizer can team up and help me get rid of all of the crappy clothes/shoes I've accumulated through the years.
I suppose that finding a sugar daddy should also be on this list so I can pay for all these people, but I have a funny feeling that Ms. Life Coach wouldnt' approve.
~Christine
Saturday, December 5, 2009
M-i-c-k-e-y M-o-u-s-e!
I've decided that letting fate have it's way with me seems to be the best choice when it comes to how I live my life.
The day after I wrote my last post, I got an email from Bill McMurray saying that if anyone else wanted to chaperone the Rotary Disney trip, there was space! So guess who's going to be leaving for Disney on Thursday! *points thumbs to self* This guy!
I am ridiculously excited. No really, I've been saying for weeks that I need a change of pace and I need to get out of here. Now that my family isn't going to Disney after Christmas, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to the RotEast trip in March. But now, I just have to wait a few days!
In honor of my upcoming Disney trip, I'd like to post a few pictures from my last trip to Disney almost two years ago.
Exhibit A: The O'Donnells ride a monorail "sober":
Exhibit B: The O'Donnells sport very attractive bug glasses (also "sober"):
Exhibit C and D: Father and Eldest Daughter O'Donnell attempt to be Mexican:
And finally, Exhibit E: The entire O'Donnell clan in front of Spaceship Earth:
Expect more pictures when I return.
In the meantime, I have approximately seventy billion things to do, and most of them are fun. Tomorrow I'm meeting Brenda for some Chipotle. Then Monday my mom and I are visiting Kent State. Then Tuesday I'm planning on working out, doing laundry, and then going shopping for some things for my trip. Wednesday I'm meeting up with the Rotary group and then we leave Thursday morning!
It's a good thing all this extra exercise has really boosted my energy. I made it to the gym FOUR times this week and I feel fantastic! I know I still have a long way to go, but the way I see it, I am a work in progress. And Disney is a lot of walking, so at least I'll be getting plenty of exercise on the trip... except for bus days. I've looked on the websites for the hotels we're staying at, but the only one that has a gym listed is of course, the hotel in Florida. Where it doesn't matter if I get to the gym or not. Who knows, I may not get to work out at all. So next week won't be as good as this week. But the week after that, I'll be back on track, scout's honor!
~ Christine
The day after I wrote my last post, I got an email from Bill McMurray saying that if anyone else wanted to chaperone the Rotary Disney trip, there was space! So guess who's going to be leaving for Disney on Thursday! *points thumbs to self* This guy!
I am ridiculously excited. No really, I've been saying for weeks that I need a change of pace and I need to get out of here. Now that my family isn't going to Disney after Christmas, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to the RotEast trip in March. But now, I just have to wait a few days!
In honor of my upcoming Disney trip, I'd like to post a few pictures from my last trip to Disney almost two years ago.
Exhibit A: The O'Donnells ride a monorail "sober":
Exhibit B: The O'Donnells sport very attractive bug glasses (also "sober"):
Exhibit C and D: Father and Eldest Daughter O'Donnell attempt to be Mexican:
And finally, Exhibit E: The entire O'Donnell clan in front of Spaceship Earth:
Expect more pictures when I return.In the meantime, I have approximately seventy billion things to do, and most of them are fun. Tomorrow I'm meeting Brenda for some Chipotle. Then Monday my mom and I are visiting Kent State. Then Tuesday I'm planning on working out, doing laundry, and then going shopping for some things for my trip. Wednesday I'm meeting up with the Rotary group and then we leave Thursday morning!
It's a good thing all this extra exercise has really boosted my energy. I made it to the gym FOUR times this week and I feel fantastic! I know I still have a long way to go, but the way I see it, I am a work in progress. And Disney is a lot of walking, so at least I'll be getting plenty of exercise on the trip... except for bus days. I've looked on the websites for the hotels we're staying at, but the only one that has a gym listed is of course, the hotel in Florida. Where it doesn't matter if I get to the gym or not. Who knows, I may not get to work out at all. So next week won't be as good as this week. But the week after that, I'll be back on track, scout's honor!
~ Christine
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I gotta get outta this place...
I wasn't planning on writing anything tonight, but Megavideo seems to be convinced that I've already watched 82 minutes of video today when I haven't, so I can't watch the next episode of Army Wives. Which gives me 53 minutes to write. Blah. And by the time I can watch something, I bet I'll be too tired to watch it. Damn. I would just download the episodes on iTunes, but for some unknown reason iTunes still has season 3 listed as a season pass, which puts it at a whopping $47. No thank you! I be poor.
I worked out again today. Hooray! I'm going to make a bigger effort to get to the gym on a regular basis. My mom has set a goal for me to lose five pounds a month. It doesn't seem like much, but in a year, that's 60 pounds... if I can stick with it. I'm hopeful, but at the same time I'm already expecting failure from myself because when it comes to weight loss, I tend to do a better job of gaining weight than losing it.
We finally got around to activating Home Sharing on iTunes this past weekend. So I got some new music from my brother's iTunes. I got about 140 songs and a few TV shows. Oh, and the movie Stepbrothers. He originally had 1200 songs set up to download, but only about 700 went through.
Oh no. Now I'm going to have "Marco Polo" stuck in my head. I know Bow Wow is from Cbus and all.. but REALLY. How the hell did he turn a childhood pool game into something sexual?
42 minutes to go...
I started a fanfic about McGee not understand The Sound of Music a long time ago, but I never finished it. I also haven't published the first story I wrote that I waited over a month for Katie to edit. Hm. Maybe I should work on that.
Well, my family is officially not going to Disney at Christmas this year. I was hopeful because it seemed like my mom was really on board with the idea, but my Debbie Downer dad brought up the money issue, so now we're not going. I'm super bummbed because I really need to get the hell out of Ohio. I have not done nearly enough traveling to satisfy me. Pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to is the Eastern Trip (which I'm chaperoning again - yay!) but that's not until March. I may explode before then. I need sunshine. I need warm weather. And I need Mickey Mouse. Okay, well maybe not the last bit. But someone cute who always has a smile on their face would be nice.
Oh yes, and I'm back on the "I want a dog" kick. I'm applying to work at a few pet stores in the area and just walking into the stores today made me want to get a puppy. I know they're a lot of work, but as I pointed out to my mom earlier, if I had a dog I would HAVE to exercise everyday because doggies need to be walked. Really, any cuddly animal would do. Rosie's a fabulous bunny (as seen by the 3,424,325 pictures of her I've taken recently) but she's technically not mine, she's Katie's.
"Thunderstruck" just came on. Now I'm thirsty and I want to go to the Fieldhouse. Which reminds me, at one point in my mental breakdown last night, I burst out into tears because I missed UD. They don't prepare you for that one during freshman orientation... just saying.
33 more minutes.
I do believe I tweeted about this fairly recently, but I'm completely in love with the Jay-Z/Linkin Park mashups I got from Mike. I'm not sure who came up with the idea to combine the two, but they are a musical genius. And I have a BA in music, so I feel justified in saying that.
I just rewatched the men of NCIS jibjab video I made a few weeks ago. It never fails to make me smile.
I worked out again today. Hooray! I'm going to make a bigger effort to get to the gym on a regular basis. My mom has set a goal for me to lose five pounds a month. It doesn't seem like much, but in a year, that's 60 pounds... if I can stick with it. I'm hopeful, but at the same time I'm already expecting failure from myself because when it comes to weight loss, I tend to do a better job of gaining weight than losing it.
We finally got around to activating Home Sharing on iTunes this past weekend. So I got some new music from my brother's iTunes. I got about 140 songs and a few TV shows. Oh, and the movie Stepbrothers. He originally had 1200 songs set up to download, but only about 700 went through.
Oh no. Now I'm going to have "Marco Polo" stuck in my head. I know Bow Wow is from Cbus and all.. but REALLY. How the hell did he turn a childhood pool game into something sexual?
42 minutes to go...
I started a fanfic about McGee not understand The Sound of Music a long time ago, but I never finished it. I also haven't published the first story I wrote that I waited over a month for Katie to edit. Hm. Maybe I should work on that.
Well, my family is officially not going to Disney at Christmas this year. I was hopeful because it seemed like my mom was really on board with the idea, but my Debbie Downer dad brought up the money issue, so now we're not going. I'm super bummbed because I really need to get the hell out of Ohio. I have not done nearly enough traveling to satisfy me. Pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to is the Eastern Trip (which I'm chaperoning again - yay!) but that's not until March. I may explode before then. I need sunshine. I need warm weather. And I need Mickey Mouse. Okay, well maybe not the last bit. But someone cute who always has a smile on their face would be nice.
Oh yes, and I'm back on the "I want a dog" kick. I'm applying to work at a few pet stores in the area and just walking into the stores today made me want to get a puppy. I know they're a lot of work, but as I pointed out to my mom earlier, if I had a dog I would HAVE to exercise everyday because doggies need to be walked. Really, any cuddly animal would do. Rosie's a fabulous bunny (as seen by the 3,424,325 pictures of her I've taken recently) but she's technically not mine, she's Katie's.
"Thunderstruck" just came on. Now I'm thirsty and I want to go to the Fieldhouse. Which reminds me, at one point in my mental breakdown last night, I burst out into tears because I missed UD. They don't prepare you for that one during freshman orientation... just saying.
33 more minutes.
I do believe I tweeted about this fairly recently, but I'm completely in love with the Jay-Z/Linkin Park mashups I got from Mike. I'm not sure who came up with the idea to combine the two, but they are a musical genius. And I have a BA in music, so I feel justified in saying that.
I just rewatched the men of NCIS jibjab video I made a few weeks ago. It never fails to make me smile.
18 minutes... maybe I'll play Airport Mania for a bit.
If anyone's seen my life, please let me know. I want it back.
~Christine
Side Note: HOLY MACKREL! Look at all the labels that applied to this post! I'm so random.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I'm seriously considering putting 'hoodia' on my Christmas list
Have you ever been so tired that you feel drunk, but you're actually completely sober? That's how I feel right now. So I'm keeping myself awake so I can blog. I know, I make no sense.
I have had "Country Roads, Take Me Home" by John Denver stuck in my head since Friday. Like I said, I make no sense. What I want to know is if there are so many songs out there that are earworms, then why hasn't anyone come up with the anti-earworm? I've tried white noise (specifically, the HEPA air filter in Bill's apartment) but it doesn't work.
I started writing another fanfic last night. It's about McGee being confused about The Sound of Music. I'm hoping it'll be funny, but I haven't gotten very far in it. I still haven't published the first fanfic I wrote. Katie finally sent it back to me with edits almost a month ago now, but it's a saddish story and I've been feeling sadder and sadder, so I don't feel like sifting through her edits.
Speaking of sadder, I feel like a whale. I have to go back to working out, but so far I haven't had a chance. Yesterday I had to take Rosie to the vet in the morning, and then I ended up eating lunch at my Grandma's, and today I had a doctor's appointment. Tomorrow I'm going to an open interview thing, Thursday I'm going shopping with my aunt. So hopefully I can get there on Friday? I'm praying that I don't get sick again. Right now I want to take a knife to the front of my face. My sinuses are killing me. Even though the infection's gone, my doctor told me today that they still look 'angry' (her words, not mine). I would like to thank whoever created saline nasal spray. They are a god among men. However, my sinuses have now decided that just saline spray isn't going to cut it anymore, so now I'm on a steroid.
Do you see why I'm so freaked about losing health insurance in February? Sometimes my body feels like an electronic device made in France. Doesn't (or at least didn't) look bad, but has zero functionality.
Ugh, I'm giving in and going to bed. Night.
~Christine
I have had "Country Roads, Take Me Home" by John Denver stuck in my head since Friday. Like I said, I make no sense. What I want to know is if there are so many songs out there that are earworms, then why hasn't anyone come up with the anti-earworm? I've tried white noise (specifically, the HEPA air filter in Bill's apartment) but it doesn't work.
I started writing another fanfic last night. It's about McGee being confused about The Sound of Music. I'm hoping it'll be funny, but I haven't gotten very far in it. I still haven't published the first fanfic I wrote. Katie finally sent it back to me with edits almost a month ago now, but it's a saddish story and I've been feeling sadder and sadder, so I don't feel like sifting through her edits.
Speaking of sadder, I feel like a whale. I have to go back to working out, but so far I haven't had a chance. Yesterday I had to take Rosie to the vet in the morning, and then I ended up eating lunch at my Grandma's, and today I had a doctor's appointment. Tomorrow I'm going to an open interview thing, Thursday I'm going shopping with my aunt. So hopefully I can get there on Friday? I'm praying that I don't get sick again. Right now I want to take a knife to the front of my face. My sinuses are killing me. Even though the infection's gone, my doctor told me today that they still look 'angry' (her words, not mine). I would like to thank whoever created saline nasal spray. They are a god among men. However, my sinuses have now decided that just saline spray isn't going to cut it anymore, so now I'm on a steroid.
Do you see why I'm so freaked about losing health insurance in February? Sometimes my body feels like an electronic device made in France. Doesn't (or at least didn't) look bad, but has zero functionality.
Ugh, I'm giving in and going to bed. Night.
~Christine
Thursday, October 8, 2009
musings
Why, hello there!
I'm feeling strangely calm because I changed the look of my blog... again. Just look at those pretty, pretty circles against the black background. Feel the calm? Ohm....ohm....
Anyway, I finished my fanfic... a week ago. My editor has been slow/lazy/busy with high school, theater, and marching band. So whenever she's done with it, I'll start posting it, and then I'll share the link with all 2.5 people out there who read this. In the meantime, I've been wanting to start another fic (that won't be edited by Katie) but all of the ideas I had while writing the first one have left my brain permanently. I'm a firm believer in writing one thing at a time, but I'm starting to think that maybe I also need to be a firm believer in writing notes as I think of ideas too.
I've gotten into a good workout routine this week. I'm feeling the burn from it, but I'm hoping that it'll be worth it in the end.
Sorry, I'm being really lame right now. I've actually had a fairly busy week, but a week of lame-ness.
Today at work, a guy had me help him pick out underwear for his wife's birthday present. It was more than just a little creepy.
Why is it that so many cosmetic surgeons look creepy? Aren't they supposed to be selling beauty?
I really like cop shows. Not just NCIS. Right now I'm watching Police Women of Broward (sp?) County and it's pretty awesome. I could never be a cop, I'm too much of a softie, but I still like to watch crime shows.
Rosie O'Bunny tried to run away this morning when my mom went out to feed her. Luckily, mom caught her. Now she's in the garage. Rosie, that is, not my mom.
Okay, time to watch Jim and Pam get married on The Office!
~ Christine
I'm feeling strangely calm because I changed the look of my blog... again. Just look at those pretty, pretty circles against the black background. Feel the calm? Ohm....ohm....
Anyway, I finished my fanfic... a week ago. My editor has been slow/lazy/busy with high school, theater, and marching band. So whenever she's done with it, I'll start posting it, and then I'll share the link with all 2.5 people out there who read this. In the meantime, I've been wanting to start another fic (that won't be edited by Katie) but all of the ideas I had while writing the first one have left my brain permanently. I'm a firm believer in writing one thing at a time, but I'm starting to think that maybe I also need to be a firm believer in writing notes as I think of ideas too.
I've gotten into a good workout routine this week. I'm feeling the burn from it, but I'm hoping that it'll be worth it in the end.
Sorry, I'm being really lame right now. I've actually had a fairly busy week, but a week of lame-ness.
Today at work, a guy had me help him pick out underwear for his wife's birthday present. It was more than just a little creepy.
Why is it that so many cosmetic surgeons look creepy? Aren't they supposed to be selling beauty?
I really like cop shows. Not just NCIS. Right now I'm watching Police Women of Broward (sp?) County and it's pretty awesome. I could never be a cop, I'm too much of a softie, but I still like to watch crime shows.
Rosie O'Bunny tried to run away this morning when my mom went out to feed her. Luckily, mom caught her. Now she's in the garage. Rosie, that is, not my mom.
Okay, time to watch Jim and Pam get married on The Office!
~ Christine
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