scared

There are a lot of thing to be scared of right now. First, I'm absolutely terrified to graduate. I'm not ready to leave UD at all. I thought I was, but with the exception of a few situations, I'm happy here. I'm reasonably safe here. Classes are lame, but the majority of them I can squeak through with no problems. I have things to do here, I love my job here, even if it's only 10 hours a week, it's worth it. So why would I willingly leave? Sometimes I really think I made a mistake with taking off that extra year I had added on last year. I could have changed to a major I actually enjoyed and could get a decent job with but instead I got the quickest degree possible so I could graduate faster and be with Bill faster. And now all that seems like a bad idea.

My relationship is the next thing to be afraid of. I'm about to take a leap of faith by moving away from my friends and family, and NOW Bill has decided that he's not sure he wants me to move to Denver. Everything I've done since last July when I decided to change my major has been so we could be together, and now he's decided that he's afraid of committment. Really, after dating Laura for 4 1/2 years and after dating me for almost a year, you're afraid of commitment? That doesn't quite add up. I'm so scared to move away from everyone, and all I wanted was a little bit of support from him, and now that I'm not getting that, why would I move to Denver? I'm not wanted. Why keep a relationship long distance when it has the possibility to become a "regular" relationship? I've always been one to do whatever it takes to follow my dreams, but this is the first time my dream has turned me down. I'm not asking for marriage, I just wanted to be near him so we could see if we could work close distance for longer than just 3 months. That's all I want right now. I would follow him to the ends of the Earth if he wanted me to. All he has to do is take me by the hand and give me a path to follow.

- Christine