Hooooo boy. Today is my Senior Commitment for SAI. I've been doing a pseudo-good job of keeping things in, but then I was thinking about things some, and now I'm teary-eyed. I still have 4 more hours until Senior Commitment and I'm already emotional. Fantastic. I'm back to not wanting to ever leave UD. I was so good at wanting to leave like a normal senior, and now I'm sad again. Change is bad. Change makes me want to stop breathing and hide under the blankets. I wish I had a little more confidence in where I'm going to be in August, but I still need a little more faith.
And now I have a bit of a confession: I read all of Laura's online diary from her high school years. I don't really know why I did it. I was kind of bored, and I saw this morning that she has now unfriended Bill on Facebook, and she's gotten smart and no longer updates her Xanga (at least not that I can read it), so I thought I'd take a stab at ancient history. I feel a little queasy now. It's kind of strange because it seemed like when Bill broke up with her before his sophomore year at UD, it came out of nowhere. It also made me realize that while it feels like we've been together forever, we've been dating for 11 months. They have so much history together and we're still in chapter 1 of our story. It scares me a little bit because I hope that by the time we reach the 4 1/2 year mark that I've been able to get to know Bill better than she did.
I guess you could say that the past couple of weeks have been a learning experience for me. I need to let Bill be Bill because he always lets me be me. I never feel like I'm putting on an act or that I have to change myself for him (unlike with Jeremy), so for me to expect Bill to change who he is would be wrong. So I'm just not going to do it. I fell in love with Bill and I'm staying in love with Bill, not SuperBill. I'm so happy that he's FINALLY going out with friends (yes, those people who you play soccer with are called friends) and that I don't feel guilty for going out and he doesn't feel guilty for going out (right?). It took us some time, but we're getting better at balancing.
I had my senior exit interview with Dr. Gratto today. I found out about it last night, haha. So it was a little late notice, but there wasn't really anything I needed to prepare. She basically wanted my honest opinion about the department, and I told her, both good and bad. Good being SWE and music theory (even though I suck at it and it took me all 4 years to pass 2 years' worth of classes). Bad being anything that Chongson taught... and kind of my flute lessons. It's not necessarily bad, but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, such as not misdiagnosing your FLUTE students with dyslexia, and for someone who criticizes for a living, needs to learn how to take some criticism herself.
I really like compressed air. I dusted so much earlier... it was amazing! Except a little piece of dust flew into my eye. Kinda hurts.
Okay, I need to get to work. No tears! (ha, who am I kidding?)
~ Christine
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