It's been two weeks since my surgery, and I'm finally starting to feel like a human being. It's crazy, I never realized how bad my sinuses were until I had them fixed. Did you know that when you inhale through your nose, you're supposed to feel a lot of air coming in? I didn't! Sometimes I just sit around breathing, just for the fun of it. I know, I sound crazy, but it's been a really long time since I was able to feel this way, and I plan on enjoying it, especially since I had to go through all of that pain to get here!
So now that my surgery's over, it's on to bigger things. Like my internship this summer! Which I leave for in... 8 days. Holy crap, where did the time go? This is the problem with laying around for two weeks. Time keeps on going, even though I wasn't going anywhere. So I have some mixed feelings. For one thing, I hate change, and I really do have a good thing going at home. I know, it sounds slightly insane for a 24 year old to enjoy living at home, but I really do. I also have a really close relationship with my family, so that helps. I just hope I can reach the point of not feeling like a houseguest this summer. I haven't been to my aunt and uncle's house in almost two years, and I really don't know where things are, like dishes and extra toilet paper. It sounds silly, but these are simple things that most of the time people take for granted. I'm also seriously questioning my ability to be able to actually do my job. I have zero experience, so at some point I'm expecting stumbling and failure, but I really hate that thought. I don't like making mistakes when it comes to work, school or otherwise. Plus this is so much more than just work. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life, so my success basically determines what the rest of my work life will be like. Let's not forget that a couple of failures was what caused me to do a 180 and change my major my senior year of undergrad. I can't make that decision again. And if I mess up, then I make my aunt look bad since this is her workplace and she vouched for me to get this internship in the first place. So no pressure, right? I suppose this summer could turn out to be fun, but right now I'm too busy being worried to worry about having fun. My hair is actually starting to fall out (again) from the stress. My mom thinks it's from the anesthesia, but that was two weeks ago. I shouldn't still feel the effects of that now.
I think I'm just going to have to jump into the next two months feet first. Really, two months isn't that long if you think about it. Two months ago today I was coming home from the eastern trip. In a way, that feels like a long time ago, especially when I think about everything that's happened since then, but then I look at my facebook pictures and I realize that the majority of my recent pictures were from that trip, so I don't feel like it was so long ago. It also helps that in the middle of my time in Alabama I have a week of vacation with my family. So it's actually 7 weeks. And one weekend I plan on visiting my old roommate Liz in Atlanta. And when I come back I have Kadie's wedding to look forward to! Then I have almost an entire month until classes start. Hopefully in that time I can find a job around here. I'm really tired of being broke. I managed to stretch my student loan money from this semester a little bit, but I also did some splurge-y things, like see Mary Poppins and I bought a couple of things to make me feel better about my surgery. But there's a lot of other splurge-y things that I wish I could have done. Thank goodness for super nice family who have been nice enough to help me out. Like my grandma paying for the paint on my car to be fixed! It looks amazing now, but there's no way I would have been able to afford that.
This hasn't gone exactly the way I planned in my head. Blargh, what else is new? Anyway, my point is that I've done some brave things in the past, and most of the time they've worked out well for me.
Good Brave Things
- breaking up with Bill (I'm counting this because even though he caused me a lot of pain for a long time afterwards, I'm now a much happier person)
- going back to school to get my MLIS
- chaperoning the rotary trips
- white water rafting (damn brave for a girl who sinks in water!)
- having the strength to realize that Kent made me miserable and I should move home
- my sinus surgery
- going climbing in the Rocky Mountains
- quitting my retail job
Yeah, I can't think of anything else. But there are some pretty big things on that list, so I feel like if I can handle them, I can handle just about anything.
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