blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol

In the past few days, I've learned something about myself: I'm not very good at being single. It's true. I don't have a lot of experience with it, and when I am single, I'm anxious, drunk, and sexually attracted to guys who are questioning their sexuality. Then I make out with them and they figure out that they're gay. Which, okay, yay for them, but it friggin sucks for me. Anywhoodles, I've spent most of the last week seriously craving alcohol. Yes, I realize this makes me sound like an alkie. I completely remember why I spent so much of my junior year of college drunk. (ha, that's ironic) It wasn't that I turned 21 (although that played a part in it), it was that I was single! I'm not even sure why I want to drink so much as a single lady. All of the dating advice articles I've read advise against being a lush because that's how you get taken advantage, and come on, who actually meets their soul mate when they're about to black out? Maybe it has to do with a freedom issue. My first serious boyfriend wouldn't let me drink if he wasn't there (and people wondered why we had problems...) and even with my most recent ex, I always felt guilty for drinking around him because he wouldn't drink much around me. It does a number to your ego when you're ALWAYS the drunk girl. Maybe I should find my next boyfriend in a bar...

Next topic at hand: ANXIETY! I have been so bored. SO. BORED. So bored that I can actually feel my brain going to mush, which may be why I've been acting like an idiot. Seriously, I am not a good conversationalist right now. It's like talking to a 3 year old on acid. I make no sense, and I often just start laughing spontaneously. I've always been a smidge wacky, but the level of wacky is getting worse. I need to get out of my house, and not just to go babysit 3 year olds. It's kinda sucky. I was pretty anti-social this fall, and now I have the urge to be super social. But a lot of my friends are in school, or have jobs that are more than just a few hours a week. But I have this need to be entertained constantly. I also really want to travel again, even though I haven't even been home for two weeks. In a fight or flight situation, I am most definitely a flight kinda girl.

And onto my last issue: being sexually attracted to guys who are questioning their own sexuality. Luckily, this has not happened this time around. Probably only because all of the guys I know have figured themselves out now. Hip hip hooray. But I need make out buddies for when I'm drunk and anxious! How else am I supposed to cope with this whole single business? I should probably channel my sexual frustrations, anxiety, and love of alcohol into something productive, like working out. But let's get real. I won't. I know me too well. I am a hot mess.

~Christine