ennui

Hi.

This weather really sucks. I don't like the rain when I'm already in a bad mood. Rain is supposed to be there when you've been in a really good mood for such a long time that you need the rain to knock you down a notch. Let's make a list!

Emotions Christine is Feeling Right Now:

- sad

- bored

- pain (I have a headache)

- antsy

- stressed

- tired

- angsty

And finally...

- ENNUI

For those of you who were not blessed enough to watch Gilmore Girls when it was on TV, here is a clip explaining what ennui is:

That is me in a nutshell right now. I'm not entirely sure why, I had a lot of fun this afternoon with Brenda, Jackie, and Dustin, but then I got home and it was like WHOOMP! EnnuiMonster! I think it's partially because I've been disappointed a lot lately and I'm getting really tired of it. Nothing seems to really be going my way, and unfortunately I can't do a damn thing to make things go my way.

I want my financial aid packet from Kent State. I want my car to not be a lousy piece of crap. I've noticed now that even when I'm in other people's car, I automatically tense up when we stop at traffic lights because I've trained myself to check to see if the check oil light is on when I'm stopped. I'm tired of being broke all of the time. I want to be able to buy things and fix things, but without money, you can't do anything. I'm also deathly afraid that I won't be able to go to grad school at all next year because of the money.

I'm tired of being lonely all the time. For the last 6 months in my relationship with Bill, we barely saw each other, and we really should have seen each other more often. Scratch that, we should have WANTED to see each other more often. Sadly, our relationship was healthier when he was in Denver. I just want to be in a relationship where the guy makes an effort. It's really done a number on my self-confidence. I am done pulling the wagon. He has to help! (and by 'he' I mean the hypothetical male figure that doesn't exist) I mean really, what the hell is with guys today? They've gotten lazy because now that us women are all independent thinkers who make the first move, they think that they don't ever have to make the first move. That's not the case! Some of us women have gotten burnt out and we deserve a break. As much as I'm all for women's rights, sometimes I wish we were back in the days where girls waited for the guys to call them to ask them out. None of this texting/Facebook/IM business. None of this elusive crap when the girl asks the guy out, because guys are so much harder to read than girls. Guys, if you can't tell when a girl is interested in you, you don't deserve her. (ironically, "Tell Him" by Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand just came on my iTunes. that's the problem RIGHT THERE.) Anyway, I want a simpler time. If a guy calls you and asks you to dinner on Friday night, he's interested in you. Plain and simple. But if a girls calls a guy and asks him to dinner on Friday night, it could be as friends, or it could be a romantic thing, or worse, one person could think it's a friend thing and the other could think it's a romantic thing. THIS IS WHY WE NEED LABELS. They suck because they make men all anxious and weird because they all have commitment issues (and many women do too, let's be fair) but sometimes you just need to get it all out on the table.

Can you tell I'm in my man-hating phase? Actually, it's more of a love/hate phase. Hate for all of the previous reasons stated, but love because I'm lonely and I'm definitely a relationship person.

And now for today's installment of NAUGHTY HAIKU:

It's not so much naughty, as it is angsty, but that's just how I am right now. Suck on that!

~Christine