I feel it all, I feel it all, I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside
Ooh, I'll be the one to break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun
I know more than I knew before
I know more than I knew before
I didn't rest, I didn't stop
Did we fight or did we talk?
Ooh, I'll be the one to break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun
I love you more, I love you more
I don't know what I knew before
But now I know I wanna win the war
No one likes to take a test
Sometimes you know more is less
Put your weight against the door
Kick drum on the basement floor
Stranded in the fog of words
Loved him like the winter bird
On my head the water pours
Gulf stream through the open door
Fly away, fly away to what you wanna make
I feel it all, I feel it all, I feel it all, I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside
Ooh, I'll be the one to break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll end it, though you started it
The truth lies
The truth lied
No one knows
And lies divide
Lies divide
I'm pretty sure Feist crawled into my brain and wrote this song based on my life.
I feel so many things right now, it has to be classified as feeling it all. I'm still angry, still hurt, still feeling like an idiot for not seeing the truth sooner, but I also feel guilty. I said a lot of really awful things in my last entry, and even though I'm pretty sure that he'll never see them, there's always a chance he will. Some of it he probably needs to hear, and some of it he probably shouldn't. I've been feeling like I have to bottle everything in as well. I'm afraid that if I really express what I'm feeling, I'll get grief about it. As if having feelings is a bad thing. I have good reason to be afraid of this too. It's happened to me before, even when the judgement of other people wasn't wanted. It's so easy to criticize other people when you're not in their shoes.
I want to cry. But I can't. I don't think this situation is a good enough reason to cry, at least not in a way that other people would understand.
Why do I always have to be the one to end things? It makes me think that I can't have a healthy relationship with someone without sabotaging it. Or is it that the guys I pick just aren't strong enough to recognize when things aren't going well? Or do I act prematurely? I occasionally still wonder if I made the right decision when I dumped each of my previous exes. The only one who dumped me isn't exactly a shining example of Good Life Choices (he tried to sleep with two of my roommates in college) so he's no defense for the argument that the Dumper makes the best choices and has the best clarity. How are we supposed to know if we're making the right decisions when we break up with people?
What if I made a horrible mistake? What if he really was just busy and was waiting for me to take initiative to text? I waited over a week after not hearing from him to attempt to contact him. What he thought that meant that I had lost interest? For all I know, the second OkCupid profile could have been to avoid a certain wacko stalker who was also pressuring him on Facebook to join her charity. He's not exactly the type of guy who's confident around women. After all, it took him awhile to even ask me on a date. I never even gave him a chance to defend himself... I just went into attack mode. Oh god, I was so wrong.
What have I done?
~ Christine
I'm pretty sure Feist crawled into my brain and wrote this song based on my life.
I feel so many things right now, it has to be classified as feeling it all. I'm still angry, still hurt, still feeling like an idiot for not seeing the truth sooner, but I also feel guilty. I said a lot of really awful things in my last entry, and even though I'm pretty sure that he'll never see them, there's always a chance he will. Some of it he probably needs to hear, and some of it he probably shouldn't. I've been feeling like I have to bottle everything in as well. I'm afraid that if I really express what I'm feeling, I'll get grief about it. As if having feelings is a bad thing. I have good reason to be afraid of this too. It's happened to me before, even when the judgement of other people wasn't wanted. It's so easy to criticize other people when you're not in their shoes.
I want to cry. But I can't. I don't think this situation is a good enough reason to cry, at least not in a way that other people would understand.
Why do I always have to be the one to end things? It makes me think that I can't have a healthy relationship with someone without sabotaging it. Or is it that the guys I pick just aren't strong enough to recognize when things aren't going well? Or do I act prematurely? I occasionally still wonder if I made the right decision when I dumped each of my previous exes. The only one who dumped me isn't exactly a shining example of Good Life Choices (he tried to sleep with two of my roommates in college) so he's no defense for the argument that the Dumper makes the best choices and has the best clarity. How are we supposed to know if we're making the right decisions when we break up with people?
What if I made a horrible mistake? What if he really was just busy and was waiting for me to take initiative to text? I waited over a week after not hearing from him to attempt to contact him. What he thought that meant that I had lost interest? For all I know, the second OkCupid profile could have been to avoid a certain wacko stalker who was also pressuring him on Facebook to join her charity. He's not exactly the type of guy who's confident around women. After all, it took him awhile to even ask me on a date. I never even gave him a chance to defend himself... I just went into attack mode. Oh god, I was so wrong.
What have I done?
~ Christine
you say what you want to say, you cry if you feel like crying, and you took PLENTY of initiative. the rest was on him. dont beat yourself up for this :hug:
ReplyDeleteps i found this on tumblr <3
ReplyDeletehttp://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf8xrnENCk1qc2u00o1_500.jpg