beautiful disaster

Call me crazy, but when you tell someone you'll call them later, doesn't that usually mean that you'll call them later? I thought so.

I'm really frustrated right now. This long distance thing isn't going to work if only one of us is going to work at it. I'm so scared of losing Bill, but if he's not going to do this 100%, then I don't want to drag him along. However, he will have to pay me $363 for an unused plane ticket. I decided that one last night. I'm not breaking up with him, there's no way. But he decides to break up with me before Christmas, then he owes me $363. Sorry, but I don't have that much money to throw around, and what the hell am I supposed to do with a plane ticket to Denver when the only person I know there doesn't want anything to do with me? Again, this is all freaking out planning ahead stuff, but I have to accept the possibility.

Then again, I asked Bill on the phone the other night why he never said that he missed me (because I say it all the time). His response was that he didn't like to think about how much he missed me because it hurt too much. Awwww. I made him a surprise yesterday and Friday. I found this website where you can make scrapbooks online for free, so I made one of the two of us. It's pretty sweet, but I'm not sure when I'm going to send him the link to it. It's kinda mushy and I think that might freak him out right now.

I bought a betta fish. His name is Bubba and he's blue. I wanted to get a killer sweet fish, but I have no fishtank experience. So I went with the hardest fish to kill. He's messy, but he's the most active betta I've seen.

I should go be productive today.

~*tine*~