Bitches I Have Bones to Pick With:
Bitch Number One:
I fail to understand the importance of keeping your whereabouts under wraps in a private message, only to announce to all of Facebook that you're enjoying your last night in Akron "with her". Stop being such a drama king. Say her fucking name, we all know the "her" you're talking about. And while you're at it, bragging about your conquests on Facebook isn't cool. I've kept my dating life private to this blog and a few close friends because I know you don't read this. So either be a mature adult and keep things under wraps (which I recommend doing anyway so you don't get the herpoly-erpolies from an undisclosed orifice on "her" body) or be entirely forthcoming with what/who/where you're doing it.
Bitch Number Two:
Look, I am all for people having lives outside of their romantic relationships. Believe me, I hate the girls who drown themselves in their boyfriends a là Twilight just as much as you do. But when the girl is your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, you've lost the right to judge. Especially when you're bashing her on Facebook on your boyfriend's wall! Seriously, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out your not-so-subtle jab at her Public Displays of Affection on Facebook. She's moved on past your boyfriend. So just be happy that she's out of your hair. And if you hate what she's doing to her current boyfriend (which really isn't any of your business in the first place) save for a private conversation with your boyfriend where she and the rest of your mutual friends won't see it.
Bitch Number Three:
Just go away. Seriously. We were never that close, and considering the only times we've spoken in the last five years have been you attacking me for anything from my political views, to a casual comment I made about relationships that wasn't even about you, I think it's overdue that I unfriend you. Please stop harassing me about why I unfriended you. If you have to ask, you don't deserve to know. I've been unfriended by people several times, but unlike you, I don't pester them about it a mere four days after they did it. In face, I don't pester them at all. If they don't want to be my friend, then they don't deserve my friendship. Grow a spine and get some self-esteem and some real friends. And this time, treat them with respect and care. Maybe they won't all abandon you this time.
*whew* I feel so much better!
Since you read my bitching (or I assume you did), I have a special treat: The (temporary) return of Naughty Haiku!
~ Christine
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