Today has just been random, so that's how this entry is going to go: randomly.
- I have burned my tongue somehow in the last 24 hours or so. I don't remember burning it, or possibly biting it very hard, but since after dinner last night, it's felt funny. Like how when you burn your tongue on a hot drink, there's that weird smooth spot where you've burned off some taste buds. It's not a good feeling, and it hurts. I blame the chicken... mostly because I have nothing else to blame.
- I worked out this morning for the first time since I started my now old job. It felt GOOD. First of all, I woke up very angry this morning because I realized that all of the apologetic feelings I had yesterday are complete bullshit. So what did I do? I biked my ass off, figuratively and hopefully literally. I love biking when I'm really pissed off at the world. Almost as much as I love blasting Linkin Park on my car stereo when it's sunny AND I'm pissed off at the world.
- Speaking of la voiture, the nice people at Firestone called this afternoon with good news! They were able to fix my car by giving me an oil change and using a heavier oil (a 10 something versus a 5 something) and that was enough to not trip the low oil pressure detector thing in my car. Apparently even with the old oil in, it wasn't actually low enough to cause problems, but it was lower. So they gave me the oil change for free since it was related to a previous problem they had supposedly fixed, and then they noticed that I needed new wiper blades, so they installed a new pair. All in all, I got a repaired car, an oil change, and new wiper blades for $32! It was a very good day. Now I just need to get the paint chip issue fixed.
- I felt like purging again today, so I uninstalled all of my The Sims 3 games and custom content and then reinstalled the game. Now I have no saved families, no custom content, and I freed up a lot of space on my hard drive. It's hard once you install custom content to tell if it's something you're going to really use a lot or not. And even then, it's almost impossible to go back and find the correct files if it's something you don't want. I've had the game for almost a year, so I thought it was a good time for this.
- I miss last summer in a very weird way. I hated the last bit of it, but in a lot of ways, I liked it. I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted (unless I had class or work). But I didn't have to say where I was going or for how long. And I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. I miss my green tea and my Diet V8 Splash! And my multigrain bread! Mmmm... tasty!
- I am a human emotional yo-yo. Part of me is like this: "FIND A GOOD MAN. FALL IN LOVE. GET MARRIED. MAKE BABIES. RAISE CHILDREN. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."
And the other part of me is like this: "GET YOUR MASTER'S. MOVE TO D.C. BECOME AN AWESOME LIBRARIAN IN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. FIND A GOOD MAN WHO ISN'T INTIMIDATED BY YOUR OBVIOUS INTELLECTUAL PROWESS. IGNORE HIM FOR YOUR JOB. MAKE HIM FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU IGNORED HIM. GET MARRIED. KEEP WORKING. HAVE ONE CHILD WHEN YOU'RE APPROACHING 40. BECOME MIDDLE AGED."
I know, obviously one of these sounds more fun than the other. But I have a very strong maternal instinct, and although I love learning and being viewed as an intelligent human being, I want to be a mom, and I want to be a mom at a young enough age to have the energy to deal with kids. I wish that I could do everything, or that I could hit a pause button on the progression of time so that I wouldn't have to stress over not being able to do everything. I am all about equality, but this is just one of those things that guys will never have to deal with, and I hate them for that. I hate that if I want to find a husband, I have to do it when I'm young and pretty, because no one wants an older woman. Cougar material I am not. But guys can wait until they're 40 because even then they'll still be able to snag some ho-bag of a 22 year-old coed. It's horribly unfair.
Unfortunately, since I have no man at my side, my decision's been made for me. It just scares me that there are gorgeous, intelligent, young women who aren't much older than me who aren't even dating, let alone finding the man of their dreams. What if I never get married? Scoff if you want, but I don't want to die alone. I know I have my "My Best Friend's Wedding" pact with Phil, but marrying your gay best friend is very different than marrying your best friend who you love. I want the latter. I keep trying to force myself into a situation where I date someone and then I try to make them my best friend, but it doesn't work that way. You're supposed to want to be around that person the majority of the time. Where is my person?
~Christine
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