the shit just hit the fan

This has been the worst summer of my entire life.




ECKENRODE Thomas John Eckenrode, age 83, of Columbus, entered eternal life Sunday, August 2, 2009. Tom was born March 31,1926 in Columbus, Oh. He is survived by his beloved wife, Margaret of 57 years; his daughters, Emma (Alton) Lewis of Brownsboro, Ala. and Susan (Tim) O'Donnell of Worthington; his grandchildren, Christine, Michael and Kathleen O'Donnell of Worthington; his step-grandchildren, Stella (Chris) Ferrell of Richardson, Tex., Deborah Lewis of Dallas, Tex. and Amber (Barry) Oosterwaal of Cudahy, Wis.; step-great-grandchildren, Austin and Jared Ferrell and Carmen Oosterwaal. Also survived by his sister, Kay Hucle; and sisters-in-law, Laura Eckenrode and Polly Hafner; and many nieces and nephews. Preceded in death by his parents Lyman and Lula Eckenrode, brother and sister-in-law Frank and Emaree Eckenrode, brother Robert Eckenrode, brothers-in-law John Hucle and Joseph Hafner and niece Anita Manter. Tom was a graduate of St. Joseph Cathedral Grade School, Rosary High School and the Ohio State University. He was a veteran of World War II Army Air Force. Retired owner of Thomas J. Eckenrode and Co, CPA Firm. He taught accounting for several years at Franklin University. He was an active member of Holy Name Catholic Church for over 50 years, where he served on the financial committee and was a lector and altar server. He worked on the Bishop's Annual Appeal for over 30 years. Tom was a member of the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants and a lifetime member of the Ohio Accounting Society. He was a member of University Kiwanis, where he served as President 1985-1986. Tom was also a member of the Catholic War Vets; Shamrock Club; Knights of Columbus, post 3727; Agonis Society; the Record Society and Our Lady of Peace Leisure Club. Tom was a devoted husband, father and grandfather. He loved genealogy and he presented the Eckenrode Family Tree to his family as a present for Christmas 2007. His example of a strong faith was known to many people. His compassion and charitable contributions were numerous. Friends may call Wednesday 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. at EGAN-RYAN FUNERAL HOME, 403 E. Broad St. Prayer Service Wednesday 8 p.m. Mass of Christian Burial Thursday 10 a.m. at Holy Name Church, 154 E. Patterson Ave. Burial St. Joseph Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, contributions can be made to Holy Name Church, 154 E. Patterson Ave., Columbus, Oh. 43202 or the Arthur G. James Cancer Hospital, 300 W. 10th Ave., Suite 519, Columbus, Oh. 43210. Visit http://www.egan-ryan.com/ for condolences.


Yes, in three weeks I lost two of my four grandparents. No, I am not handling it well.

I found out that Grandpa died while I was at work on Sunday. Unfortunately, I had volunteered to work an extra 4 hour linen shift and I didn't have my phone on me, so my mom had to call Bill, who happened to be in Dayton looking at apartments, to have him try to get ahold of me. I had just settled in at the desk for my quick lunch break when he came in and told me. I cried. It was such a shock to me. The last I had heard, he was doing better, they had even moved him out of the ICU and into a step down unit. I found out later that on that Sunday morning, they even got him out of bed for the first time and into a chair, which for someone who has (had?) a broken neck is (was?) a huge accomplishment. Then they got him back into bed, and he laid down to take a nap and never woke up. None of us got to say goodbye.

This threw a kink into my plans. I was originally supposed to move home on Tuesday, but I needed to be home sooner than that, so with a little bit of Bill's help, I managed to pack everything on Sunday night and my dad came over on Monday morning to help me move home. Monday I was doing okay. I had about a million things to think about, so the whole death thing wasn't even present in my mind. Believe me, when I thought about my last day of college, this was not what I had in mind. But I figured that if Megan could survive college when her dad died the day she moved in, I could handle ending college on a terrible note.

Tuesday was a decent day. Bill and I ran some errands because he was having his parents ship him his dress clothes, but he still needed some things. Then in the evening we went over to my Grandpa and Grandma's house (can I still call it that?) and had dinner. Oh, and of course my Grandma developed laryngitis, which still isn't better. Wednesday was a very long day. We had visiting hours in the afternoon and evening, and in between we went to Schmidt's for dinner. There was a staggering number of people who showed up to pay their respects. The guest book says 181 people/families were there, but we know that there were many people who were there and just never signed it. I still hadn't cried since Sunday when I first found out, and I felt a little guilty about that, but I was chalking it up to an overall lack of emotion. Ironically, Saturday night after Bill got in town, I was telling him how since Nana died, I only felt bad things. Good things just didn't make me happy, and as much as I wanted them too, I felt nothing when something good happened.

Thursday was the worst day by far. I've decided that my least favorite part of a funeral is when you go to the funeral home the morning of the burial to say your last goodbye. It was hard with Nana, but it was unbearable with Grandpa. With Nana, I had done a healthy amount of crying everyday, but I had let my emotions bottle up with Grandpa. I finally got a glimpse of the reality that he was gone. And then I lost it. I don't know if this is socially inappropriate to say, but the man in the coffin didn't look like my Grandpa. I know he's been through a lot physically recently, but there was just something odd about him. I half expected him to open his eyes and say "Gotcha Emmer, er... Suser.... er, Chris!" That morning before we left the house, my mom told me that I needed to be there for Katie today. So I was. I had been feeling like I was there for everyone. My Grandma was completely devasted; it hurt me so much to see her in that kind of pain. Then my mom and Aunt Emma were upset; they lost their daddy and now their mom was in pain. My Dad was upset because he didn't like seeing my mom in pain, plus he's still mourning his own mother. Actually, Grandpa's funeral was the third time in my life that I've seen my Dad cry. He cried when he found out that one of his coworkers was fatally shot in the line of duty, and again three years ago when Uncle Bill passed away. Anyway, everyone else higher up on the totem pole of authority was so upset that my brother and sister (who I believe are towards the bottom) had no one to lean on, except me. Even though Mike has Lizzie, she was really sick and couldn't be at the funeral home, though she made it to the funeral. And Katie didn't even want to tell her friends at all, although it ended up being posted on the Watterson Band website. So that left me as their big sister to be there for them. But I also tried to be there for my mom and Aunt Emma and Grandma. Everyone was so strung out that I felt like I had to save everyone, which clearly is impossible. And now I'm paying the price.

I just want to go back to UD. After Nana died, I was fortunate enough to go back to school and mourn in my own way. But now, we have to mourn the way my Grandma wants us to, and it's driving me crazy. I want to be left alone. I want to be able to stay in my pajamas all day and watch NCIS because that's what I do to make me feel better. We were supposed to go to the State Fair tomorrow, but my Grandma got upset about it because she thought it was disrespectful to my Grandpa. Quite honestly, I bet my Grandpa would want us to go. He always enjoyed going to the fair. My Grandma told my mom earlier that she should go to church and if she had a job, she would be okay with going to work, but nowhere else, and certainly not anywhere fun. It's so frustrating because everyone grieves in different ways, and since my aunt and uncle are still in town, my mom thought it would be a good chance for us to be together as a family. She's hardly been home since Grandpa fell, and Mike leaves for school in a couple of weeks. So tomorrow, I bet you anything we're going to spend yet another day doing nothing but sitting around at my Grandma's house.

I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand different directions. I know that I need to take care of other people, but I need to take care of me too. Yes, losing your husband or your father is awful, but what about losing two grandparents in less than three weeks? I still hurt over losing Nana, and combined with losing Grandpa, and now I have to save my family too? I can't do it all! I just want my Grandpa to come back. This all has to be a horrible dream and someday I'm going to wake up and it will all go away. I can still hear his voice telling me about what Monsignor said, or what "Your Mudder" (as he affectionately called my Grandma sometimes) did when they were younger. It's just not fair. He's still supposed to be here.

~ Christine